College Football Idiot Savant Week 6
Well Husky Stadium was no match for the Buckeyes, and they should have played Bachman Turner Overdrive’s, “Takin’ Care of Business” on QFM afterward. Penn State still can’t win a big one, and I’m beginning to think the whiteout is just to pump up t-shirt sales. Let’s get ready for another exciting week, and make some Ben Franklins (Always remember to gamble responsibly).
Prediction 1: The deep fried, big bucket game of the week sees #16 Vanderbilt travel to Tuscaloosa to bring an offering of grits and brain cells to a city bereft of one of those things. #10 Alabama (-10.5) looks to avenge one of the worst defeats in their history from last season against the Commodores. Frankly if they can’t cover against Vanderbilt, you don’t need to bet on them the rest of the season. It took Michigan 7 years to schedule Appalachian State after that debacle, but then they beat them 52-14. Alabama covers, hopes Neil Young will remember.
Prediction 2: If you asked Buckeye fans what they wanted most at the beginning of the season, it probably would have been to beat Michigan. Close on the list however would have been a big night game at the shoe. Instead, #1 Ohio State (-23.5) gets Minnesota at the 7:30 PM time slot, with a spread that’s not attractive to me. However, Minnesota struggled with Rutgers last weekend, Ohio State has Jeremiah Smith, as well as a host of offensive players that can allow you to cover on a lit up national broadcast.
Prediction 3: There is only one title contender playing in the state of Florida this week, and that is #3 Miami (-4.5) who is traveling to #18 Florida State. This matchup always makes me remember an animated Lee Corso on College Gameday shouting, “Wide right!” Of course a reference to the three heartbreaking wide right misses of Florida State kickers against Miami. The best part about this game for Florida State fans will be the pregame traditions, Miami covers.
This week sees the Rockets resting after an impressive cover against Akron I should have pulled the trigger on. With next weekend being The Battle of I-75 in third world Wood County, they should be prepared for the task at hand. I don’t want to be overly sensational, but if Vanderbilt wins, expect a themed week for the picks next time. The college football playoff doesn’t need Alabama around anyhow.
Summary:
Alabama covers -10.5
Ohio State covers -23.5
Miami covers -4.5
Record: 12-7
College Football Idiot Savant Week 5
It’s only been four weeks of college football, but I feel like we have all had some great entertainment so far. Liveforthepage locked in a 3-1 week against the spread last weekend, special thanks to Oklahoma’s defense for that late safety. The Rockets had a let down they can learn from and despite only four weeks passing, Dabo has fallen for the third time. In traditional mythology, it’s usually not until ninth station that the third fall takes place, so it’s been a banner year already.
Prediction 1: They say, “don’t bury the lead” so this week I won’t. The #6 Oregon Ducks fly into Happy Valley this week to take on #3 Penn State (-3.5) in the new age Big Ten. I recently drove through Erie, Pennsylvania and I have to say that it’s a bit misleading. I know it’s not October yet, but the eerie part of Pennsylvania is the white out game in State College. That being said, three and a half points is a low number for a home team in this kind of environment. The Ducks score and soar over the Nittany Lions, take the points.
Prediction 2: The second big matchup of the week comes to us from the deep, deep fried south, as #17 Alabama visits #5 Georgia (-3). SEC country is going to be out in force for this one, probably with pre-game trash talk involving the opposing fans’ sisters. We do that in the north too, but in the opposite direction, we aren’t shit talking about how hot our sisters are. As for the clash on the field, look for a slim cover by Georgia and a good watch with a lot of NFL bodies on both sidelines.
Prediction 3: With the students having completed the bye week bar crawl last weekend, they are ready for a fresh Ohio State (-8.5) team to take on Washington out west. It has been bet down to eight and a half from a nearly two touchdown line when it came out, and I see value here. I like the Buckeyes to open the Big Ten schedule in convincing fashion, make yourself a delicious Washington apple and enjoy the cover.
There is a great slate of 3:30 games to check out as conference play begins in the Big Ten, but nothing else that I want to put a nickel on. #11 Indiana (-8.5) and Iowa get together to compare corn, and that should be closer than the spread. #4 LSU plays the road dog role against #13 Ole Miss (-1.5) in the, ‘hope for a meteor’ game of the week, seriously could Brian Kelly be more unlikable? No Rockets (-21) bet this week either as they pick up the pieces against Akron, and that’s too big of a line. Tommy’s Pizza remains Columbus’ best bet for game day grub, 161 opens at eleven, Lane Ave at noon.
Summary
Oregon and the points +3.5
Georgia covers -3
Ohio State covers -8.5
Record 10-6
College Football Idiot Savant Week 4
Leave it to those golden domers to make my week once again, and look at them still being ranked despite the lack of a win. Nothing changes. (The last time this feat was achieved was Michigan going 0-2 and being ranked in 1988) Liveforthepage went a lackluster 2-3 with the picks, but you can’t call it a losing week when Clemson and Notre Dame both fell for the second time.
Prediction 1: Having driven through the state of Indiana more times than I ever thought I would, I came to a justifiable conclusion. On one of those trips I told myself I would never bet on anything that would come out of the state, but I digress. #19 Indiana (-4.5) hosts #9 Illinois in Bloomington, and although I haven’t confirmed if it will be a whiteout for the late kickoff, it will be. There should be more pairs of New Balance shoes to see Indiana cover than your local Foot Locker distribution center.
Prediction 2: It was suggested online this week and referenced in my golf group that there is an opportunity for a new trophy in the Big Ten. The Trojan Horse Trophy needs to be immediately implemented for the matchup between #25 USC (-18.5) and Michigan State. In Greek mythological fashion, I see the Spartans taking this one with the points. USC’s traditional lack of a defense should allow a rolling MSU to stay within the spread by garbage time even if the result has been decided.
Prediction 3: I played a lot of the old PC game, The Oregon Trail as a kid, maybe that explains my leaning towards the wagon train in #11 Oklahoma (-6.5) this week. Maybe it’s because I can’t remember #22 Auburn doing anything since Cam Newton played quarterback for them. Maybe it’s because OU are competitive in a real conference now, but I’m in for a cover. Oh now I remember, “Surrey With the Fringe on Top” was one of our high school choir songs. Honey here’s the way I it’s going to be: Oklahoma by at least 7.
The Buckeyes will enjoy their rest, but that doesn’t mean you can’t root against that state up north this week. The Toledo Rockets (-14) will travel to take on Western Michigan in their march toward the October 11th matchup at the Wood County Wastewater Facility. The Rockets should cover without too much hassle, thanks to gunslinger Tucker Gleason. The senior computer science and engineering major has one sleeve for ink, one sleeve for throwing touchdown passes. If anyone in Columbus decries the colors, it’s midnight blue and gold, none of that maze shit. Tommy’s Pizza remains the best bet for Saturday provisions, the Dublin location opens at 11.
Summary:
Indiana covers -4.5
Michigan State and the points +18.5
Oklahoma covers -6.5
Toledo covers -14
Record: 7-5
College Football Idiot Savant Week 3
With week two in the books we saw blowout victories for the Buckeyes and Rockets, in addition to Oklahoma taking care of business against Michigan. I hope that you got to enjoy some Tommy’s pizza for that non-starter in Columbus, it was the best Saturday Costco experience I’ve had in a while. There’s no time to celebrate a three for three prediction week because there are a slew of new matchups to ponder.
Prediction 1: The Bulldogs from #6 Georgia(-3.5) go into Knoxville for an SEC battle that’s sure to get a lot of eyeballs. #15 Tennessee comes to the table as an underdog at home, which reminds me of that terrible pickup line, “Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only ten I see.” The only ten I see is the point differential at the end of this game, Georgia should cover like the juggernaut they are.
Prediction 2: Some may call this a troll pick, but let’s be honest, coach Freeman is gonna have the domers ready to bounce back. I did a decade of the rosary this week in penance for the decades of ill will I have wished upon the Irish. Although they couldn’t overcome a better team last week with Miami, everything is bigger when it involves Texas, even A&M. Look for an overcompensation level cover this week in South Bend.
Prediction 3: While #18 South Florida enjoys a ranking thanks to upsetting Florida last week, I maintain that the swamp isn’t what it used to be. #5 Miami looks to be a contender in the playoff hunt early in the season and that will continue here. It’s a high number to cover at -17.5, but that’s exactly what the U should do here, preferably in orange.
For your fair and balanced homer pick of the week, I will stay in Columbus. The Buckeyes, energized by our own Zach in the shoe, will easily cover against Ohio (-31.5). Bonus bet of the week is the Toledo Rockets (-8) to cover against Morgan State, driving them one week closer to the Pemberville exit game in October. This week we’re covered in picks like Oasis fans with floor tickets were covered in beer last weekend at the Rose Bowl. While you won’t have that much fun, enjoy the tailgate this weekend wherever you are.
Summary:
Georgia covers -3.5
Notre Dame covers -6.5
Miami covers -17.5
Ohio State covers -31.5
Toledo covers -8
Record: 5-2
College Football Idiot Savant Week 2
What a great week one it was, Lee Corso makes his last headgear pick count, and the three top ten matchups didn’t disappoint. Upon further self reflection, I realize I should pick Notre Dame to cover more. For those counting at home that makes it a two game losing streak for the domers, they better start praying harder if they hope to make the playoff. Shout out to Florida State for knocking off Alabama, and setting up a good one for the first week of October against Miami.
Prediction 1: If you’re looking for some good MACtion this week, look no further than the Toledo Rockets. Toledo put up a fight against an SEC opponent last week in Kentucky, and this week they are (-6.5) favorites against Western Kentucky. This one will be held at the Glass Bowl however, so I trust the band will help march them right down the field, first down after first down. Look for them to cover, paving the way, one week at a time, to that matchup on October 11th with that team from the Pemberville exit.
Prediction 2: The real savants in Las Vegas aren’t putting out a spread on the Buckeye game until hours before kickoff, so I’ll go prop bet here. This one will be particularly ugly and unwatchable, so I hope you have a great Saturday spread, or better yet a tee time. Look for Ohio State to put up over 300 yards of offense as they work their way through the backups. The best thing about this game will be whatever food you consume while watching.
Prediction 3: Bring out the Sooner wagon, the only game this week between ranked teams is a middle tier SEC/BIG Ten matchup between #18 Oklahoma (-4.5) and #15 Michigan. As great as week one was, these are the kind of weeks where I look at the Xfinity race as an alternative. That being said, it is a primetime game between ranked teams that will have great atmosphere in support of an Oklahoma cover. Oklahoma has more frequent earthquakes now due to all the fracking, but the maze and blue will be the only ones on shaky ground.
There is a feel of muted confidence on campus this week after the big win. It will be interesting to see how far the Buckeyes carry their new #1 ranking, as I am not predicting an undefeated season. Pro tip: Tommy’s pizza in Dublin opens at 11 am on Saturdays, with the 3:30 kickoff that gives you a window to get the best damn pizza in Columbus for your viewing.
Summary:
Toledo covers -6.5
Ohio State over 300 yards total offense
Oklahoma covers -4.5
Current record: 2-2
College Football Idiot Savant National Championship
(In an effort to remain as objective as possible with the picks this week, I have chosen to write from the Notre Dame perspective. This should prevent me from conscious or unconscious bias. I respect my right to do this on behalf of a roommate I had in college who did a stint at Notre Dame. I am not going to pretend our catholic upbringing doesn’t come into this as well, it does.)
It’s been such a blessed season friends! Liveforthepage is at 28-21 for the season’s predictions and we now stare down one final athletic competition between wonderful college athletes fighting for school pride. There will be a national championship to decide the best college football team in the nation for this season, and in a new playoff format, kinda like coming home to fresh apple pie from your loving wife.
Prediction 1: There are total gentleman on both sides of this intercollegiate competition, but I think the ones wearing the golden helmets of the lord just have something here. They will hold the secular and superior Ohio State offense to under 400 total yards during the game. Notre Dame is going to need a Tebow-like performance out of Riley Leonard on the other side of the ball, luckily he puts God first at all times and will be efficient on 3rd down.
Prediction 2: Let’s be honest, we are all here to spread Jesus’ message to the world, and what better way to do that than to have our team in a championship! I am willing to bet any amount of money in the world, which means nothing because Jesus is my savior and I would live in a box on Skid Row with him. Even so, our faithful brothers at Notre Dame would never join a conference. Do you know how much NBC money would be taken out of the coffers at church if Notre Dame joined a conference and became legitimate?! (Both Notre Dame and Ohio State players will wear bible verses on their eye-black.)
Prediction 3: I will tell you what brothers and sisters, this is a tall task. But I am again conflicted, there seems to be illicit commerce taking place in the house of the lord. Jesus would turn over the tables of these gamblers trying to say that Notre Dame is eight and a half points less likely to win than the Ohio State! Clearly we need to put the entire collection basket on Ohio State covering (-8.5).
This next game will truly be a test of faith—light a candle, unless you’re in Los Angeles, then definitely pray. Love the sinner, hate the sin, Ohio State has just been too good this year, probably savoring all of the seven deadly sins. They will get their gratification here on earth on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in Atlanta, but Notre Dame will have their victory in paradise.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 14
When Tom Petty was talking about those Indiana boys on those Indiana nights, he wasn’t talking about those Indiana boys that got their asses kicked in Columbus last weekend! I digress, but I know we have to keep it on the up and up here at liveforthepage, so let the objectivity flow through you in this Xichigan week post. That team up north will rue the hour they got onto I-75 this week.
Prediction 1: Will Howard stumbled in an interview this week, uttering the word: Michigan, then quickly correcting himself, saying he meant, ‘that team up north.’ He will not stumble, nor need to correct himself much more this week as the Buckeyes roll to 500 yards of total offense in their sleep. In the end it’s not about if, but about who gets the stats. Buckeye bonanza.
Prediction 2: I know I’m making the same prediction as last week, and they didn’t quite make it, but let’s just say there is going to be some clock to run out in this matchup, and Henderson and Judkins trade slashing runs to get to 150 combined. This is going to be so enjoyable to watch, don’t play any drinking games with the rushing this week, or you will be a goner early. Ground and pound, scarlet and gray.
Prediction 3: Its been a long time coming, and if I ask Siri, she tells me it’s been 1,826 days since Ohio State last beat Xichigan. Ryan Day gets to wipe away 3 years of gloom with a blowout performance that you degenerate gamblers can comfortably count on a cover here. It has been bet down to (-19) Ohio State, but that’s just rivalry garnish being added to a nervous line that will be obliterated by the scarlet and gray. The buckeyes cover with leftovers befitting a thanksgiving weekend.
I went 1-2 with some aggressive picks last week bringing the season total to 20-14. I am doubling down, and in the spirit of Woody Hayes, I hope we go for 2 at a nonsensical point in the game to drive the point home. Xichigan is coming to the shoe this weekend with nothing, and they will leave with nothing. Let this Saturday be your escape from election drama, and enjoy one of the greatest state institutions on the planet putting on a show. As an Ohio tax payer, as a lifelong fan, as a human being who believes in this team, this is the beginning. We won the first 4 team playoff, we will win the first 12 team playoff….just O…fuckin’…H!
College Football Idiot Savant Week 12
Well now that we’re all winners or (probably)losers after this election, let’s get down to picking some winners and losers. Emily did her part last week pulling off an impressive 2-1 contribution to make the season total 18-10. We have some interesting matchups for the week and I hope that you continue to make us your source for idiotic banter about other parts of the country. If you are betting real money based upon this shtick, call a gambling hotline.
Prediction 1: In our cultural matchup of the week we have #6 BYU and Kansas, I wonder what kind of tailgate this would be? I am imagining a game of corn hole with the least interesting conversation happening about local agricultural equipment sales and Joseph Smith’s legitimacy. This has now become the first ironic cultural matchup of the week because it will feature two places completely devoid of it. I assume it gets weird in Provo, otherwise this is upset alert, BYU survives.
Prediction 2: I’m taking a flyer on #22 LSU(-3.5) over Florida because I want to take time to recognize that if we had listened to James Carville a year ago we would be in a better place as a country. I’ll leave it at that, this college football thing was to escape right? Well now I just wanna escape this country, and do you know where I wouldn’t want to be right now? The Swamp. I said it earlier in the year, The Swamp at Florida doesn’t mean anything when you’re irrelevant. Carville wins straight up.
Prediction 3: In our prelude to the pitchforks matchup of the week, we see #7 Tennessee battle #12 Georgia. After a tough loss to Ole Miss last week Georgia looks to bounce back and keep their names in the playoff discussion. The wise guys have Georgia(-9.5) and I agree, this will be a bounce-back game for a group of elite athletes in Georgia. Since this isn’t a conversation about country music, and its contribution to the delinquency of society, who cares about Tennessee? Rocky Flop! Georgia easily.
In other events this week make sure to tune in to Big Ten Network for the buckeye game at Wrigley Field in Chicago against Northwestern, it should be a wonderful visual spectacle. It makes me really wonder why it’s buried on BTN, but then I thought for a second… Money. College football has always been about money whether you like it or not, it’s always been there. The ‘rah-rah’ school spirit has also always been there, BTN is a thing of the past. When the super conference network launches, I ponder the cost.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 9
We are now deep into the meat and potatoes of the college football schedule and after Texas didn’t have enough last week we stand at 12-7 for the year. So far the hype about the playoff has elevated this season for fans across the country and it is a crowded field competing for those 12 spots. Although the election is looming, we all win on Saturdays. Vote with your eyes on Saturday, vote with your mind on Election Day.
Prediction 1: In our cultural matchup of the week we see Ohio in-state rivals compete in, ‘The Battle of I-75.’ The rivalry between Toledo and Bowling Green currently stands at 43-41-4 with the rockets on top. Readers may wonder how a school with no culture or tradition such as Bowling Green would qualify to be in our cultural game of the week, and rightly so. We at liveforthepage take the opportunity from time to time to give attention to less fortunate institutions without indoor plumbing. Fair Toledo wins without sweating too much.
Prediction 2: Penn State comes in as (-6.5) the favorite against Big Ten foe Wisconsin this week in Madison. As the playoff picture becomes more crowded, Ohio State needs the boys in blue to stay undefeated to to make their matchup more meaningful, and I don’t see worry here. I will say it one step further, Penn State wins and covers. Although there will be jumping around in Madison on Saturday, it won’t be for an upset.
Prediction 3: Texas A&M and LSU square off in a top 15 matchup that could be the most competitive of the week. This is basically a toss up, with A&M favored by 1, and it should be entertaining. Overall I have been more impressed with the aggies this year, and when I flipped my Torrey Pines ball marker to decide this, it landed on them. That Torrey Pines marker has won me 3 coin tosses this year, so I’m all in. it will be a close game into the fourth quarter, Texas A&M for the win.
It should go without saying that the buckeyes will cruise to victory over Nebraska at home, already having thoughts of the weird people they will see in happy valley next week. Whether it’s a white out or not the buckeyes deserve to be favored, but of course as our old friend Will Money said in, ‘Unforgiven’ “deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.’ They kick off at Big Noon, so you will still have the rest of your Saturday in Columbus to play golf, find a twilight special near you.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 6
After a rough week of predictions I had nothing to celebrate but the one-handed catches by the Buckeyes. 6-5 and bleeding losses, at least I still have a perfect Buckeye record to fall back on. The scarlet and grey should win again this week and cover (-18), but Iowa does occasionally cause us problems, so I don’t expect it to be an easy task. However, since they are the best team in the nation, they will be fine this week.
Prediction 1: We check in again on Dabo, who currently has fallen for the first time. Number 15 Clemson faces the empty cupboard that is Florida State, and I believe that they will win comfortably. It pains me greatly to say that, but at least they will be sporting those beautiful orange threads, which will be a theme for the week. Orange is my favorite color, and like any gambler backed into a corner with long odds to come back from, stick with the irrational: Clemson orange wins big.
Prediction 2: The Classic Red River Rivalry should be one of the best games of the day, and I believe it will be a day to shine for Arch Manning once again. I might just have to procure myself a steak by 3:30 eastern for this battle amongst the cattle. Just to ruin it for both of them, I’ll use copious amounts of steak sauce. Texas looks good in a big rivalry game, and regardless of which uniform they go with, they will be the best looking team in the stadium.
Prediction 3: In our culture clash game of the week, number 8 Miami takes on my beloved Cal Berkley. The two couldn’t be more different, like how California pays for every Florida hurricane rebuild, or how Florida is just a risky tax haven with unbearable humidity. I, like Tony Kornheiser, will probably not be awake for the end of this snoozer, but Miami should flex here. Whether they go with green, orange, or white tops, those Miami uniforms will shine under the lights as they win big.
Campus came back to life this week with the recent hurricane rains, and that green bursting of life will also be reflected in my picks this week. If I don’t go 3-0 with a Buckeye sweetener, I’ll eat skyline chili at a future date. This is the week I turn this ship around, and try not to annoy Emily with the amount of games on. If it hasn’t been made clear by previous Columbus Crew posts, I really don’t wanna eat that skyline chili, so I need to be the oracle of Delphos this week.
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