College Football Idiot Savant Week 6
Well Husky Stadium was no match for the Buckeyes, and they should have played Bachman Turner Overdrive’s, “Takin’ Care of Business” on QFM afterward. Penn State still can’t win a big one, and I’m beginning to think the whiteout is just to pump up t-shirt sales. Let’s get ready for another exciting week, and make some Ben Franklins (Always remember to gamble responsibly).
Prediction 1: The deep fried, big bucket game of the week sees #16 Vanderbilt travel to Tuscaloosa to bring an offering of grits and brain cells to a city bereft of one of those things. #10 Alabama (-10.5) looks to avenge one of the worst defeats in their history from last season against the Commodores. Frankly if they can’t cover against Vanderbilt, you don’t need to bet on them the rest of the season. It took Michigan 7 years to schedule Appalachian State after that debacle, but then they beat them 52-14. Alabama covers, hopes Neil Young will remember.
Prediction 2: If you asked Buckeye fans what they wanted most at the beginning of the season, it probably would have been to beat Michigan. Close on the list however would have been a big night game at the shoe. Instead, #1 Ohio State (-23.5) gets Minnesota at the 7:30 PM time slot, with a spread that’s not attractive to me. However, Minnesota struggled with Rutgers last weekend, Ohio State has Jeremiah Smith, as well as a host of offensive players that can allow you to cover on a lit up national broadcast.
Prediction 3: There is only one title contender playing in the state of Florida this week, and that is #3 Miami (-4.5) who is traveling to #18 Florida State. This matchup always makes me remember an animated Lee Corso on College Gameday shouting, “Wide right!” Of course a reference to the three heartbreaking wide right misses of Florida State kickers against Miami. The best part about this game for Florida State fans will be the pregame traditions, Miami covers.
This week sees the Rockets resting after an impressive cover against Akron I should have pulled the trigger on. With next weekend being The Battle of I-75 in third world Wood County, they should be prepared for the task at hand. I don’t want to be overly sensational, but if Vanderbilt wins, expect a themed week for the picks next time. The college football playoff doesn’t need Alabama around anyhow.
Summary:
Alabama covers -10.5
Ohio State covers -23.5
Miami covers -4.5
Record: 12-7
College Football Idiot Savant Week 5
It’s only been four weeks of college football, but I feel like we have all had some great entertainment so far. Liveforthepage locked in a 3-1 week against the spread last weekend, special thanks to Oklahoma’s defense for that late safety. The Rockets had a let down they can learn from and despite only four weeks passing, Dabo has fallen for the third time. In traditional mythology, it’s usually not until ninth station that the third fall takes place, so it’s been a banner year already.
Prediction 1: They say, “don’t bury the lead” so this week I won’t. The #6 Oregon Ducks fly into Happy Valley this week to take on #3 Penn State (-3.5) in the new age Big Ten. I recently drove through Erie, Pennsylvania and I have to say that it’s a bit misleading. I know it’s not October yet, but the eerie part of Pennsylvania is the white out game in State College. That being said, three and a half points is a low number for a home team in this kind of environment. The Ducks score and soar over the Nittany Lions, take the points.
Prediction 2: The second big matchup of the week comes to us from the deep, deep fried south, as #17 Alabama visits #5 Georgia (-3). SEC country is going to be out in force for this one, probably with pre-game trash talk involving the opposing fans’ sisters. We do that in the north too, but in the opposite direction, we aren’t shit talking about how hot our sisters are. As for the clash on the field, look for a slim cover by Georgia and a good watch with a lot of NFL bodies on both sidelines.
Prediction 3: With the students having completed the bye week bar crawl last weekend, they are ready for a fresh Ohio State (-8.5) team to take on Washington out west. It has been bet down to eight and a half from a nearly two touchdown line when it came out, and I see value here. I like the Buckeyes to open the Big Ten schedule in convincing fashion, make yourself a delicious Washington apple and enjoy the cover.
There is a great slate of 3:30 games to check out as conference play begins in the Big Ten, but nothing else that I want to put a nickel on. #11 Indiana (-8.5) and Iowa get together to compare corn, and that should be closer than the spread. #4 LSU plays the road dog role against #13 Ole Miss (-1.5) in the, ‘hope for a meteor’ game of the week, seriously could Brian Kelly be more unlikable? No Rockets (-21) bet this week either as they pick up the pieces against Akron, and that’s too big of a line. Tommy’s Pizza remains Columbus’ best bet for game day grub, 161 opens at eleven, Lane Ave at noon.
Summary
Oregon and the points +3.5
Georgia covers -3
Ohio State covers -8.5
Record 10-6
College Football Idiot Savant Week 4
Leave it to those golden domers to make my week once again, and look at them still being ranked despite the lack of a win. Nothing changes. (The last time this feat was achieved was Michigan going 0-2 and being ranked in 1988) Liveforthepage went a lackluster 2-3 with the picks, but you can’t call it a losing week when Clemson and Notre Dame both fell for the second time.
Prediction 1: Having driven through the state of Indiana more times than I ever thought I would, I came to a justifiable conclusion. On one of those trips I told myself I would never bet on anything that would come out of the state, but I digress. #19 Indiana (-4.5) hosts #9 Illinois in Bloomington, and although I haven’t confirmed if it will be a whiteout for the late kickoff, it will be. There should be more pairs of New Balance shoes to see Indiana cover than your local Foot Locker distribution center.
Prediction 2: It was suggested online this week and referenced in my golf group that there is an opportunity for a new trophy in the Big Ten. The Trojan Horse Trophy needs to be immediately implemented for the matchup between #25 USC (-18.5) and Michigan State. In Greek mythological fashion, I see the Spartans taking this one with the points. USC’s traditional lack of a defense should allow a rolling MSU to stay within the spread by garbage time even if the result has been decided.
Prediction 3: I played a lot of the old PC game, The Oregon Trail as a kid, maybe that explains my leaning towards the wagon train in #11 Oklahoma (-6.5) this week. Maybe it’s because I can’t remember #22 Auburn doing anything since Cam Newton played quarterback for them. Maybe it’s because OU are competitive in a real conference now, but I’m in for a cover. Oh now I remember, “Surrey With the Fringe on Top” was one of our high school choir songs. Honey here’s the way I it’s going to be: Oklahoma by at least 7.
The Buckeyes will enjoy their rest, but that doesn’t mean you can’t root against that state up north this week. The Toledo Rockets (-14) will travel to take on Western Michigan in their march toward the October 11th matchup at the Wood County Wastewater Facility. The Rockets should cover without too much hassle, thanks to gunslinger Tucker Gleason. The senior computer science and engineering major has one sleeve for ink, one sleeve for throwing touchdown passes. If anyone in Columbus decries the colors, it’s midnight blue and gold, none of that maze shit. Tommy’s Pizza remains the best bet for Saturday provisions, the Dublin location opens at 11.
Summary:
Indiana covers -4.5
Michigan State and the points +18.5
Oklahoma covers -6.5
Toledo covers -14
Record: 7-5
College Football Idiot Savant Week 3
With week two in the books we saw blowout victories for the Buckeyes and Rockets, in addition to Oklahoma taking care of business against Michigan. I hope that you got to enjoy some Tommy’s pizza for that non-starter in Columbus, it was the best Saturday Costco experience I’ve had in a while. There’s no time to celebrate a three for three prediction week because there are a slew of new matchups to ponder.
Prediction 1: The Bulldogs from #6 Georgia(-3.5) go into Knoxville for an SEC battle that’s sure to get a lot of eyeballs. #15 Tennessee comes to the table as an underdog at home, which reminds me of that terrible pickup line, “Are you from Tennessee? ‘Cause you’re the only ten I see.” The only ten I see is the point differential at the end of this game, Georgia should cover like the juggernaut they are.
Prediction 2: Some may call this a troll pick, but let’s be honest, coach Freeman is gonna have the domers ready to bounce back. I did a decade of the rosary this week in penance for the decades of ill will I have wished upon the Irish. Although they couldn’t overcome a better team last week with Miami, everything is bigger when it involves Texas, even A&M. Look for an overcompensation level cover this week in South Bend.
Prediction 3: While #18 South Florida enjoys a ranking thanks to upsetting Florida last week, I maintain that the swamp isn’t what it used to be. #5 Miami looks to be a contender in the playoff hunt early in the season and that will continue here. It’s a high number to cover at -17.5, but that’s exactly what the U should do here, preferably in orange.
For your fair and balanced homer pick of the week, I will stay in Columbus. The Buckeyes, energized by our own Zach in the shoe, will easily cover against Ohio (-31.5). Bonus bet of the week is the Toledo Rockets (-8) to cover against Morgan State, driving them one week closer to the Pemberville exit game in October. This week we’re covered in picks like Oasis fans with floor tickets were covered in beer last weekend at the Rose Bowl. While you won’t have that much fun, enjoy the tailgate this weekend wherever you are.
Summary:
Georgia covers -3.5
Notre Dame covers -6.5
Miami covers -17.5
Ohio State covers -31.5
Toledo covers -8
Record: 5-2
College Football Idiot Savant Week 2
What a great week one it was, Lee Corso makes his last headgear pick count, and the three top ten matchups didn’t disappoint. Upon further self reflection, I realize I should pick Notre Dame to cover more. For those counting at home that makes it a two game losing streak for the domers, they better start praying harder if they hope to make the playoff. Shout out to Florida State for knocking off Alabama, and setting up a good one for the first week of October against Miami.
Prediction 1: If you’re looking for some good MACtion this week, look no further than the Toledo Rockets. Toledo put up a fight against an SEC opponent last week in Kentucky, and this week they are (-6.5) favorites against Western Kentucky. This one will be held at the Glass Bowl however, so I trust the band will help march them right down the field, first down after first down. Look for them to cover, paving the way, one week at a time, to that matchup on October 11th with that team from the Pemberville exit.
Prediction 2: The real savants in Las Vegas aren’t putting out a spread on the Buckeye game until hours before kickoff, so I’ll go prop bet here. This one will be particularly ugly and unwatchable, so I hope you have a great Saturday spread, or better yet a tee time. Look for Ohio State to put up over 300 yards of offense as they work their way through the backups. The best thing about this game will be whatever food you consume while watching.
Prediction 3: Bring out the Sooner wagon, the only game this week between ranked teams is a middle tier SEC/BIG Ten matchup between #18 Oklahoma (-4.5) and #15 Michigan. As great as week one was, these are the kind of weeks where I look at the Xfinity race as an alternative. That being said, it is a primetime game between ranked teams that will have great atmosphere in support of an Oklahoma cover. Oklahoma has more frequent earthquakes now due to all the fracking, but the maze and blue will be the only ones on shaky ground.
There is a feel of muted confidence on campus this week after the big win. It will be interesting to see how far the Buckeyes carry their new #1 ranking, as I am not predicting an undefeated season. Pro tip: Tommy’s pizza in Dublin opens at 11 am on Saturdays, with the 3:30 kickoff that gives you a window to get the best damn pizza in Columbus for your viewing.
Summary:
Toledo covers -6.5
Ohio State over 300 yards total offense
Oklahoma covers -4.5
Current record: 2-2
College Football Idiot Savant National Championship
(In an effort to remain as objective as possible with the picks this week, I have chosen to write from the Notre Dame perspective. This should prevent me from conscious or unconscious bias. I respect my right to do this on behalf of a roommate I had in college who did a stint at Notre Dame. I am not going to pretend our catholic upbringing doesn’t come into this as well, it does.)
It’s been such a blessed season friends! Liveforthepage is at 28-21 for the season’s predictions and we now stare down one final athletic competition between wonderful college athletes fighting for school pride. There will be a national championship to decide the best college football team in the nation for this season, and in a new playoff format, kinda like coming home to fresh apple pie from your loving wife.
Prediction 1: There are total gentleman on both sides of this intercollegiate competition, but I think the ones wearing the golden helmets of the lord just have something here. They will hold the secular and superior Ohio State offense to under 400 total yards during the game. Notre Dame is going to need a Tebow-like performance out of Riley Leonard on the other side of the ball, luckily he puts God first at all times and will be efficient on 3rd down.
Prediction 2: Let’s be honest, we are all here to spread Jesus’ message to the world, and what better way to do that than to have our team in a championship! I am willing to bet any amount of money in the world, which means nothing because Jesus is my savior and I would live in a box on Skid Row with him. Even so, our faithful brothers at Notre Dame would never join a conference. Do you know how much NBC money would be taken out of the coffers at church if Notre Dame joined a conference and became legitimate?! (Both Notre Dame and Ohio State players will wear bible verses on their eye-black.)
Prediction 3: I will tell you what brothers and sisters, this is a tall task. But I am again conflicted, there seems to be illicit commerce taking place in the house of the lord. Jesus would turn over the tables of these gamblers trying to say that Notre Dame is eight and a half points less likely to win than the Ohio State! Clearly we need to put the entire collection basket on Ohio State covering (-8.5).
This next game will truly be a test of faith—light a candle, unless you’re in Los Angeles, then definitely pray. Love the sinner, hate the sin, Ohio State has just been too good this year, probably savoring all of the seven deadly sins. They will get their gratification here on earth on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in Atlanta, but Notre Dame will have their victory in paradise.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Semifinal.
With the clutter is mostly eliminated from the playoff we see the cream rise to the top with the final four teams. Liveforthepage comes off a 2-1 quarterfinal stage to bring us to 26-20 for the year, and we aim to continue the winning record in the final two weeks. As always, liveforthepage is not responsible for gambling losses associated with these predictions, please be a degenerate responsibly.
Prediction 1: However, I just got a tip last week from real wiseguy who has Notre Dame in the final. I haven’t really been impressed with Penn State (+1.5) and there isn’t really an incentive to take the points here. They may not be playing in the shadow of touchdown Jesus, but I think this is where Penn State’s story ends. While the thought of an all Big Ten final is appealing, the Buckeyes beating the golden domers in the final is too damn good. Notre Dame covers.
Prediction 2: Don’t mess with Texas…Seriously don’t mess with Texas if you want them to cover a game for you. Don’t mess with Texas…Unless you’re an Arizona State running back. Don’t mess with Texas…Well, let’s just say they have an inflated opinion of themselves even though they haven’t done anything since Vince Young played quarterback there. I’m not going to predict a thrashing as compete as what happened against Oregon, but this game is ripe for a cover at Ohio State (-6).
Prediction 3: I don’t live in their skin, but I have to imagine this Ohio State team is pretty fresh after barely having to do anything in the second half against Oregon. They should be rested and they are the best team left, which is why I am going with offensive yards, over 400. This Texas secondary just let a running back throw a touchdown on them last week, our #1 wide receiver room in the nation should split them up like a filet knife.
Jesus Quintana once said, “I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios Mio, man. Liam and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.” Like that character from The Big Lebowski, Jesus will be present in the semis with Notre Dame, but that will be their last great line in this movie. The Dude and Walter are Ohio State in this scenario, and you can bet they will be abiding on January 20th.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Week 2
Happy New Year Internet! It was an exciting first round of the new playoff format that saw liveforthepage improve to 24-19 for the year after a sweep of last week’s predictions. It’s time for more holiday college football and we’ve got some great picks that you can take to the bank. Of course if you don’t have money in the bank already, don’t bet on anything.
Prediction 1: New Years Eve kicks off with a pairing that I would have never predicted at the beginning of the season. I grew up watching Boise State’s rise to prominence, and who could forget the trick play game against Oklahoma? However, I just don’t think a Mountain West conference team deserves a bye, and the spread line of (-11) Penn State would indicate that. Happy valley will be happier by midnight, but only straight up, this one could be as Lee Corso used to say: “closer than the experts predict.”
Prediction 2: You can make a lot of hay betting against Texas to cover, but as we look to the new year I will try to embrace SEC arrogance and pick Texas (-12.5) to turn over a new leaf. It’s not out of a preponderance of evidence that I think Texas can run away with this wildly, but a reflection on how little I think of the Big 12. How Arizona State is a four seed will be looked at with questions about the playoff format, as the second team with a bye goes bye-bye. Texas covered in peaches instead of sour grapes.
Prediction 3: Old guard college football fans should see a lot of tradition in a matchup between Ohio State and Oregon at the Rose Bowl. After the first game earlier in the season at Oregon, many thought we might see this pairing again, and it’s suitable that the Rose Bowl is the venue for what could be the ‘real national title game.’ I trust that Will Howard has trained his knee to get down to the ground in a timely fashion since the first game, and the Buckeyes win straight up.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, enjoy the games and eat as much bad food as you want. For the fourth playoff game, I don’t feel strongly about one side or the other, but Notre Dame is 0-3 all time against Georgia and I don’t think that record will improve for them. Notre Dame has been a playoff pretender since there has been a playoff. Enjoy the games and don’t forget about your family members, they need bad food too.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Week 1
Seasons greetings to all of the fine people who read and to the degenerate gamblers alike. Deck the halls it’s time for fa la la la football! Liveforthepage limped out of the pre-playoff season 1-2 to end up at 21-19 for the year so far. It’s seasons like this, with around a .500 record that I am thankful for all the food that is in my fridge because I only bet on a few of these. Oh look, there’s some college beer in the fridge, let’s make some bold assertions.
Prediction 1: Ohio State similarly limps into the postseason this year at home against Tennessee. Word on campus is that Tennessee fans have bought 30% of the tickets already, and that should irk Buckeye nation. Pro tip: If you are one of the numerous Buckeye fans from whom I’ve heard calls nonstop for SEC teams to play in the cold, and they put a shiner on Ohio State when it’s 25 degrees outside at the shoe, I don’t need to hear your opinion anymore. Ohio State wins, straight up.
Prediction 2: I may have jumped the gun on my stations of the cross bonus coverage a couple of weeks ago, but leave no doubt I will be picking Clemson to fall for the fourth time from here on out. My second prediction will be Dabo falls again until he does. Call me a loon, but I don’t ever want to see a good religious tradition like college football brought down by the likes of an ultra Christian program at a public university. Dabo falls a fourth time, breaking Jesus’ longstanding record.
Prediction 3: First 12 team playoff sees an Indiana Darby in the first round. The good news is, one of the Indiana teams will be out, we all need that. Indiana (+7.5) is the good bet here, but ultimately Notre Dame will win. Indiana is a great story, but they played one ranked opponent this season and they don’t have the acumen for the moment. Golden domes dispatch decorated in state Hoosiers straight up.
Join us weekly during the playoff for more college football expert analysis and absurdity. I am only biased toward one of the twelve teams involved, which the bean counters say gives me an 83% objective opinion. This would put me right in that 99th percentile of Buckeye fans, so you know I’m speaking rationally, the fact that I haven’t called for Ryan Day’s job yet alone puts me above the 90th. But seriously, get yer ya-yas out, we have been waiting for this playoff format for twenty years since the BCS and beyond, and it’s here.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 15
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Ohio State needs to stop using that White Stripes song for kickoffs, Jack White is from Michigan and it couldn’t have helped. The Buckeyes didn’t quite get it done last weekend, and that drags the site down to 20-17, looking to stay above .500 with some championship week picks. We will be taking a break until the playoff, but rest assured the last shot hasn’t been fired yet from Columbus.
Prediction 1: All of the pitchforks and torches have gathered in Atlanta this weekend for a race rally…excuse me, for the SEC championship game. It has come to my attention that Mercedes Benz Stadium will not allow Texas’ mascot longhorn into the stadium for the game. This seems entirely reasonable, because it’s a giant animal and this is a neutral site game, only two kinds come from Texas, people with assault rifles and F-150s, and animals with large horns. Texas to win close straight up.
Prediction 2: The Big Ten championship seems like a shell of the game it was going to be before that Michigan mishap. Oregon at (-3.5) seems favorable for a cover to me, if for no other reason than because it took the, ‘we are Penn State’ people too long to take that Paterno statue down. Oregon is the better team, Penn State is just not the third best team team in the country, they are barely the third best available in the Big Ten. This week Oregon covers to make me feel like the way David Bowie covers do: excellent.
Prediction 3: In our cultural championship game, we see two ACC schools I immediately want to pan like a Dr. Oz infomercial. SMU and Clemson definitely qualifies for the, ‘rooting for the meteor’ designation. I can’t say anything positive about SMU, except that they have the opportunity to make Dabo fall for an unprecedented 4th time. That’s right, they pulled him down off the cross so they could knock him to the ground for one more bonus station. SMU (-2) wins straight up.
Liveforthepage will be off the college football beat until the playoff, but expect to hear something from us before then. It has been wonderful running through the gauntlet of the college football regular season with you, and I’m excited for the playoff. If I hear one more person call for Ryan Day’s job before the end of the season, I’ll go to Bob Dylan, “Let’s stop talkin’ falsely now, the hour’s getting late.”
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