College Football Idiot Savant Week 4
I have to admit, it is kinda cool to work where Fox’s ‘Big Noon’ kickoff show is this week. $500 prize for best sign in the crowd apparently, I hope there are a few that give Kirk Herbstreit the business. We start this week 4-1 after Washington State held strong on a goal to go stand to beat rival Washington. I feel good about the first few predictions, so we will stick to that. The bible thumpers were on campus in force this week, but nothing can save Florida State’s soul, so let’s talk about them first.
Prediction 1: This is my game of the week, another culture clash between Cal Berkley and Florida State. I think it would be great if we could get Gavin Newsome and Ron Desantis on college game day this week, the not so friendly banter is exactly what we need this election season. When one of the California academic pillars faces off against what is supposedly Florida’s best football school and its less than a 3 point spread: Root for 0-4! Pile it on scholars! Make me forget Aaron Rodgers went there.
Prediction 2: Texas gets to try out its new Manning toy this week again against University of Luisiana Monroe, Luisiana’s safety school. I saw a rumor that Matthew McConaughey bet $30,000 on Texas covering, and since this rumor is harmless, unlike the one about Springfield, OH, I’m assuming it’s true. This leads me to think about my favorite role he had in his career, because this game certainly isn’t going to hold my attention. Rusty Cohle from ‘True Detective’, no question Texas covers.
Prediction 3: Big Ten early showdown between USC and Michigan. Normally, if these two titans met in week 4 we would be talking about a Rose Bowl preview, but with the college football arms race they are now in conference together. I know I wrote earlier this year that I would keep the Ohio State homerism in check, and I am, but that makes this no less enjoyable. USC gets a, ‘Big win at the big house’ just like the Toledo t-shirts said when I was Junior and we curb stomped UM. Trojans send fans to the exits early.
‘The Taco People’ at my local Taco Bell on Henderson say 56-16 buckeyes this week on their sign. I say that because it’s taking all my effort to work up to caring about this game. Yet another tune up game to check out the full roster of the scarlet and grey, anything less would be a letdown. I don’t know how Marshall gets to 16, but I agree that the Buckeyes cover -39.5. To the Marshall players: enjoy your time in Columbus, nobody checks for recreational purchases at the West Virginia border.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 3
In the wake of a totally nondescript presidential debate this week, we look to the college football weekend once again. As one should, I briefly reflect on the past weeks’ predictions at 2-0. I will also be tracking successful Buckeye win predictions, also 2-0, and as a spoiler alert I’ll be predicting them to win all of their games. I am not one of these ‘looking for attention’ personalities online who will tell you with a straight face that Oregon is going to win the conference, they’re a bunch of quacks.
The first prediction: Washington proves big ten superiority with victory over in-state rival Washington St. I’m not saying by a large margin, but the victory is almost certain. I know Washington has a lot of apples, and as a chronically single guy for most of my life I know about the apple picking date, marvelous. Washington has made the playoff, and Washington State is still in the middle of nowhere, how do you like them apples? Washington gets the girl this week.
Second prediction: Texas A&M wins comfortably in the swamp. Growing up as a college football fanatic, I used to fear, ‘The Swamp’ at The University of Florida. The Swamp lettering on the wall next to the way too overfilled fan section as if to show just how much humanity was in the building. That is all gone now, they haven’t been relevant for years, and Texas A&M gave Notre Dame a run for their money before some of my MAC brethren showed them the door. Florida fans file in fourth quarter fallacy.
Third prediction: Indiana takes down UCLA in first ever clash of cultures. Let’s face it, neither of these schools are known for their football. They both boast of their academic pursuits, UCLA being on the world stage…Indiana, in comparison to Purdue, but we forget about the football. Indiana has a Canadian kid starting at quarterback with a 73% completion percentage, if the people of the corn can accept him, so can I. Hoosier daddy left-coast?
The Buckeyes of course will remain undefeated with a bye this week, although a segment of hardcore Buckeye fans will still be calling for Ryan Day’s job. We are a little too lucky to live in Columbus, if the Buckeyes have a down year, you still have something to do with your weekend. Imagine being a Florida State fan right now and pinch yourself, just a bit of self-reflection for a resting week. Enjoy the off week in the city, consider tuning in for the Crew tomorrow versus, ‘that team down south’ FC Cincinnati.
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