College Football Idiot Savant Week 0
The leaves in Columbus haven’t turned yet, and I won’t wax poetic about the fall weather, what fall really means in the Midwest is football. This year your favorite college football idiot is back for more punishment; hopefully not from my bookie. Join liveforthepage for weekly analysis, poor betting advice, and general silliness about the sport that this city forces us to love.
In that vein, it is yet another season for your national championship defending Ohio State Buckeyes. While there is uncertainty at quarterback going into week one, I’m going to guess that the Buckeyes have enough guys that will play on Sundays to overcome it. More on the scarlet and gray next week, and I hope to check in with OSU super fan Zach at least once this season for his takes.
Prediction 1: This weeks’ matchup between the Kansas State Wildcats and the Iowa State Cyclones has me pondering pregame food more than the matchup. If you are attending a kickoff party for this game and want to make an impression, bring bangers and mash as an appetizer, that’s a win for you. The fact that it’s being played in Ireland is the most interesting thing about this game to me, so enjoy the fanfare. Props to Aer Lingus for sponsoring the event, took one of their flights to Amsterdam with my dad and Heineken was a free beverage option, that’s another win. There is no home team, go chalk all the way with KSU (-3) to cover.
Check back next Friday for more insightful commentary on the college football season, as always from your favorite fair and balanced Buckeye fan.
Summary: KSU (-3) to cover.
College Football Idiot Savant National Championship
(In an effort to remain as objective as possible with the picks this week, I have chosen to write from the Notre Dame perspective. This should prevent me from conscious or unconscious bias. I respect my right to do this on behalf of a roommate I had in college who did a stint at Notre Dame. I am not going to pretend our catholic upbringing doesn’t come into this as well, it does.)
It’s been such a blessed season friends! Liveforthepage is at 28-21 for the season’s predictions and we now stare down one final athletic competition between wonderful college athletes fighting for school pride. There will be a national championship to decide the best college football team in the nation for this season, and in a new playoff format, kinda like coming home to fresh apple pie from your loving wife.
Prediction 1: There are total gentleman on both sides of this intercollegiate competition, but I think the ones wearing the golden helmets of the lord just have something here. They will hold the secular and superior Ohio State offense to under 400 total yards during the game. Notre Dame is going to need a Tebow-like performance out of Riley Leonard on the other side of the ball, luckily he puts God first at all times and will be efficient on 3rd down.
Prediction 2: Let’s be honest, we are all here to spread Jesus’ message to the world, and what better way to do that than to have our team in a championship! I am willing to bet any amount of money in the world, which means nothing because Jesus is my savior and I would live in a box on Skid Row with him. Even so, our faithful brothers at Notre Dame would never join a conference. Do you know how much NBC money would be taken out of the coffers at church if Notre Dame joined a conference and became legitimate?! (Both Notre Dame and Ohio State players will wear bible verses on their eye-black.)
Prediction 3: I will tell you what brothers and sisters, this is a tall task. But I am again conflicted, there seems to be illicit commerce taking place in the house of the lord. Jesus would turn over the tables of these gamblers trying to say that Notre Dame is eight and a half points less likely to win than the Ohio State! Clearly we need to put the entire collection basket on Ohio State covering (-8.5).
This next game will truly be a test of faith—light a candle, unless you’re in Los Angeles, then definitely pray. Love the sinner, hate the sin, Ohio State has just been too good this year, probably savoring all of the seven deadly sins. They will get their gratification here on earth on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in Atlanta, but Notre Dame will have their victory in paradise.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Semifinal.
With the clutter is mostly eliminated from the playoff we see the cream rise to the top with the final four teams. Liveforthepage comes off a 2-1 quarterfinal stage to bring us to 26-20 for the year, and we aim to continue the winning record in the final two weeks. As always, liveforthepage is not responsible for gambling losses associated with these predictions, please be a degenerate responsibly.
Prediction 1: However, I just got a tip last week from real wiseguy who has Notre Dame in the final. I haven’t really been impressed with Penn State (+1.5) and there isn’t really an incentive to take the points here. They may not be playing in the shadow of touchdown Jesus, but I think this is where Penn State’s story ends. While the thought of an all Big Ten final is appealing, the Buckeyes beating the golden domers in the final is too damn good. Notre Dame covers.
Prediction 2: Don’t mess with Texas…Seriously don’t mess with Texas if you want them to cover a game for you. Don’t mess with Texas…Unless you’re an Arizona State running back. Don’t mess with Texas…Well, let’s just say they have an inflated opinion of themselves even though they haven’t done anything since Vince Young played quarterback there. I’m not going to predict a thrashing as compete as what happened against Oregon, but this game is ripe for a cover at Ohio State (-6).
Prediction 3: I don’t live in their skin, but I have to imagine this Ohio State team is pretty fresh after barely having to do anything in the second half against Oregon. They should be rested and they are the best team left, which is why I am going with offensive yards, over 400. This Texas secondary just let a running back throw a touchdown on them last week, our #1 wide receiver room in the nation should split them up like a filet knife.
Jesus Quintana once said, “I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios Mio, man. Liam and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.” Like that character from The Big Lebowski, Jesus will be present in the semis with Notre Dame, but that will be their last great line in this movie. The Dude and Walter are Ohio State in this scenario, and you can bet they will be abiding on January 20th.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Week 2
Happy New Year Internet! It was an exciting first round of the new playoff format that saw liveforthepage improve to 24-19 for the year after a sweep of last week’s predictions. It’s time for more holiday college football and we’ve got some great picks that you can take to the bank. Of course if you don’t have money in the bank already, don’t bet on anything.
Prediction 1: New Years Eve kicks off with a pairing that I would have never predicted at the beginning of the season. I grew up watching Boise State’s rise to prominence, and who could forget the trick play game against Oklahoma? However, I just don’t think a Mountain West conference team deserves a bye, and the spread line of (-11) Penn State would indicate that. Happy valley will be happier by midnight, but only straight up, this one could be as Lee Corso used to say: “closer than the experts predict.”
Prediction 2: You can make a lot of hay betting against Texas to cover, but as we look to the new year I will try to embrace SEC arrogance and pick Texas (-12.5) to turn over a new leaf. It’s not out of a preponderance of evidence that I think Texas can run away with this wildly, but a reflection on how little I think of the Big 12. How Arizona State is a four seed will be looked at with questions about the playoff format, as the second team with a bye goes bye-bye. Texas covered in peaches instead of sour grapes.
Prediction 3: Old guard college football fans should see a lot of tradition in a matchup between Ohio State and Oregon at the Rose Bowl. After the first game earlier in the season at Oregon, many thought we might see this pairing again, and it’s suitable that the Rose Bowl is the venue for what could be the ‘real national title game.’ I trust that Will Howard has trained his knee to get down to the ground in a timely fashion since the first game, and the Buckeyes win straight up.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, enjoy the games and eat as much bad food as you want. For the fourth playoff game, I don’t feel strongly about one side or the other, but Notre Dame is 0-3 all time against Georgia and I don’t think that record will improve for them. Notre Dame has been a playoff pretender since there has been a playoff. Enjoy the games and don’t forget about your family members, they need bad food too.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Week 1
Seasons greetings to all of the fine people who read and to the degenerate gamblers alike. Deck the halls it’s time for fa la la la football! Liveforthepage limped out of the pre-playoff season 1-2 to end up at 21-19 for the year so far. It’s seasons like this, with around a .500 record that I am thankful for all the food that is in my fridge because I only bet on a few of these. Oh look, there’s some college beer in the fridge, let’s make some bold assertions.
Prediction 1: Ohio State similarly limps into the postseason this year at home against Tennessee. Word on campus is that Tennessee fans have bought 30% of the tickets already, and that should irk Buckeye nation. Pro tip: If you are one of the numerous Buckeye fans from whom I’ve heard calls nonstop for SEC teams to play in the cold, and they put a shiner on Ohio State when it’s 25 degrees outside at the shoe, I don’t need to hear your opinion anymore. Ohio State wins, straight up.
Prediction 2: I may have jumped the gun on my stations of the cross bonus coverage a couple of weeks ago, but leave no doubt I will be picking Clemson to fall for the fourth time from here on out. My second prediction will be Dabo falls again until he does. Call me a loon, but I don’t ever want to see a good religious tradition like college football brought down by the likes of an ultra Christian program at a public university. Dabo falls a fourth time, breaking Jesus’ longstanding record.
Prediction 3: First 12 team playoff sees an Indiana Darby in the first round. The good news is, one of the Indiana teams will be out, we all need that. Indiana (+7.5) is the good bet here, but ultimately Notre Dame will win. Indiana is a great story, but they played one ranked opponent this season and they don’t have the acumen for the moment. Golden domes dispatch decorated in state Hoosiers straight up.
Join us weekly during the playoff for more college football expert analysis and absurdity. I am only biased toward one of the twelve teams involved, which the bean counters say gives me an 83% objective opinion. This would put me right in that 99th percentile of Buckeye fans, so you know I’m speaking rationally, the fact that I haven’t called for Ryan Day’s job yet alone puts me above the 90th. But seriously, get yer ya-yas out, we have been waiting for this playoff format for twenty years since the BCS and beyond, and it’s here.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 15
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Ohio State needs to stop using that White Stripes song for kickoffs, Jack White is from Michigan and it couldn’t have helped. The Buckeyes didn’t quite get it done last weekend, and that drags the site down to 20-17, looking to stay above .500 with some championship week picks. We will be taking a break until the playoff, but rest assured the last shot hasn’t been fired yet from Columbus.
Prediction 1: All of the pitchforks and torches have gathered in Atlanta this weekend for a race rally…excuse me, for the SEC championship game. It has come to my attention that Mercedes Benz Stadium will not allow Texas’ mascot longhorn into the stadium for the game. This seems entirely reasonable, because it’s a giant animal and this is a neutral site game, only two kinds come from Texas, people with assault rifles and F-150s, and animals with large horns. Texas to win close straight up.
Prediction 2: The Big Ten championship seems like a shell of the game it was going to be before that Michigan mishap. Oregon at (-3.5) seems favorable for a cover to me, if for no other reason than because it took the, ‘we are Penn State’ people too long to take that Paterno statue down. Oregon is the better team, Penn State is just not the third best team team in the country, they are barely the third best available in the Big Ten. This week Oregon covers to make me feel like the way David Bowie covers do: excellent.
Prediction 3: In our cultural championship game, we see two ACC schools I immediately want to pan like a Dr. Oz infomercial. SMU and Clemson definitely qualifies for the, ‘rooting for the meteor’ designation. I can’t say anything positive about SMU, except that they have the opportunity to make Dabo fall for an unprecedented 4th time. That’s right, they pulled him down off the cross so they could knock him to the ground for one more bonus station. SMU (-2) wins straight up.
Liveforthepage will be off the college football beat until the playoff, but expect to hear something from us before then. It has been wonderful running through the gauntlet of the college football regular season with you, and I’m excited for the playoff. If I hear one more person call for Ryan Day’s job before the end of the season, I’ll go to Bob Dylan, “Let’s stop talkin’ falsely now, the hour’s getting late.”
College Football Idiot Savant Week 14
When Tom Petty was talking about those Indiana boys on those Indiana nights, he wasn’t talking about those Indiana boys that got their asses kicked in Columbus last weekend! I digress, but I know we have to keep it on the up and up here at liveforthepage, so let the objectivity flow through you in this Xichigan week post. That team up north will rue the hour they got onto I-75 this week.
Prediction 1: Will Howard stumbled in an interview this week, uttering the word: Michigan, then quickly correcting himself, saying he meant, ‘that team up north.’ He will not stumble, nor need to correct himself much more this week as the Buckeyes roll to 500 yards of total offense in their sleep. In the end it’s not about if, but about who gets the stats. Buckeye bonanza.
Prediction 2: I know I’m making the same prediction as last week, and they didn’t quite make it, but let’s just say there is going to be some clock to run out in this matchup, and Henderson and Judkins trade slashing runs to get to 150 combined. This is going to be so enjoyable to watch, don’t play any drinking games with the rushing this week, or you will be a goner early. Ground and pound, scarlet and gray.
Prediction 3: Its been a long time coming, and if I ask Siri, she tells me it’s been 1,826 days since Ohio State last beat Xichigan. Ryan Day gets to wipe away 3 years of gloom with a blowout performance that you degenerate gamblers can comfortably count on a cover here. It has been bet down to (-19) Ohio State, but that’s just rivalry garnish being added to a nervous line that will be obliterated by the scarlet and gray. The buckeyes cover with leftovers befitting a thanksgiving weekend.
I went 1-2 with some aggressive picks last week bringing the season total to 20-14. I am doubling down, and in the spirit of Woody Hayes, I hope we go for 2 at a nonsensical point in the game to drive the point home. Xichigan is coming to the shoe this weekend with nothing, and they will leave with nothing. Let this Saturday be your escape from election drama, and enjoy one of the greatest state institutions on the planet putting on a show. As an Ohio tax payer, as a lifelong fan, as a human being who believes in this team, this is the beginning. We won the first 4 team playoff, we will win the first 12 team playoff….just O…fuckin’…H!
College Football Idiot Savant Week 12
Well now that we’re all winners or (probably)losers after this election, let’s get down to picking some winners and losers. Emily did her part last week pulling off an impressive 2-1 contribution to make the season total 18-10. We have some interesting matchups for the week and I hope that you continue to make us your source for idiotic banter about other parts of the country. If you are betting real money based upon this shtick, call a gambling hotline.
Prediction 1: In our cultural matchup of the week we have #6 BYU and Kansas, I wonder what kind of tailgate this would be? I am imagining a game of corn hole with the least interesting conversation happening about local agricultural equipment sales and Joseph Smith’s legitimacy. This has now become the first ironic cultural matchup of the week because it will feature two places completely devoid of it. I assume it gets weird in Provo, otherwise this is upset alert, BYU survives.
Prediction 2: I’m taking a flyer on #22 LSU(-3.5) over Florida because I want to take time to recognize that if we had listened to James Carville a year ago we would be in a better place as a country. I’ll leave it at that, this college football thing was to escape right? Well now I just wanna escape this country, and do you know where I wouldn’t want to be right now? The Swamp. I said it earlier in the year, The Swamp at Florida doesn’t mean anything when you’re irrelevant. Carville wins straight up.
Prediction 3: In our prelude to the pitchforks matchup of the week, we see #7 Tennessee battle #12 Georgia. After a tough loss to Ole Miss last week Georgia looks to bounce back and keep their names in the playoff discussion. The wise guys have Georgia(-9.5) and I agree, this will be a bounce-back game for a group of elite athletes in Georgia. Since this isn’t a conversation about country music, and its contribution to the delinquency of society, who cares about Tennessee? Rocky Flop! Georgia easily.
In other events this week make sure to tune in to Big Ten Network for the buckeye game at Wrigley Field in Chicago against Northwestern, it should be a wonderful visual spectacle. It makes me really wonder why it’s buried on BTN, but then I thought for a second… Money. College football has always been about money whether you like it or not, it’s always been there. The ‘rah-rah’ school spirit has also always been there, BTN is a thing of the past. When the super conference network launches, I ponder the cost.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 10
As we embark on another exciting week of matchups in college football this week, let’s pour another one out for Florida State, who at 1-7 is even worse than I was last week. Liveforthepage stands at 14-8 for the year with another statement game week coming up. On a side note, I’ll pour another one out for Florida State if they knock off Notre Dame next week. The buckeyes take on number 3 Penn State in an environment that is going to be more white and rabid than a trump rally on Mountain Dew code red.
Prediction 1: The buckeye offense will be explosive but inconsistent against a good Penn State defense, less than 500 yards of total offense. They are shuffling the offensive line around with the starting left guard moving to the all important left tackle spot, and I’m still waiting for a prolific passing effort in a meaningful game from Will Howard. The rushing attack will be key to a win, but more with tough short yardage impact, not big plays.
Prediction 2: This will be a close call at the end. With the high stakes nature of this student athlete intercollegiate event, it’s likely both coaches play conservative in the first half, and I don’t see a ton of scoring. I wouldn’t take the buckeyes to cover (-3) as I believe it will be a field goal game late into the fourth. Ohio State’s running game will be critical early to take the crowd out of the game, although to a fan who paid Ticketmaster prices to dress up in all white and be weird with backwoods Pennsylvania people, nothing will be silent.
Prediction 3: Let me be clear: Ryan Day has one foot out the door at Ohio State if he loses this game. The Michigan game seems like a foregone conclusion this year and Day needs a big game win to feather his cap. This 3 vs 4 matchup at noon on Saturday will set the tone for the rest of the season and playoff. Ohio State isn’t out of the playoff race if they lose, but we would be then asking for a 2014 national championship level of gift for the rest of the season, unlikely at best. Ohio State will win close.
In other notes, Clemson looks likely to survive the week without falling again against Louisville. (-10.5) If Sparty has anything left in the tank after that rivalry loss to Michigan last week, they are on upset watch. They will prove difficult for number 13 Indiana and because Indiana will have a rough time getting to East Lansing since they have to use their own roads to get there, I see Michigan State covering. (+8) It’s another beautiful weekend in Columbus, and you’ll know your mood by 4 so plan twilight tee times accordingly.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 9
We are now deep into the meat and potatoes of the college football schedule and after Texas didn’t have enough last week we stand at 12-7 for the year. So far the hype about the playoff has elevated this season for fans across the country and it is a crowded field competing for those 12 spots. Although the election is looming, we all win on Saturdays. Vote with your eyes on Saturday, vote with your mind on Election Day.
Prediction 1: In our cultural matchup of the week we see Ohio in-state rivals compete in, ‘The Battle of I-75.’ The rivalry between Toledo and Bowling Green currently stands at 43-41-4 with the rockets on top. Readers may wonder how a school with no culture or tradition such as Bowling Green would qualify to be in our cultural game of the week, and rightly so. We at liveforthepage take the opportunity from time to time to give attention to less fortunate institutions without indoor plumbing. Fair Toledo wins without sweating too much.
Prediction 2: Penn State comes in as (-6.5) the favorite against Big Ten foe Wisconsin this week in Madison. As the playoff picture becomes more crowded, Ohio State needs the boys in blue to stay undefeated to to make their matchup more meaningful, and I don’t see worry here. I will say it one step further, Penn State wins and covers. Although there will be jumping around in Madison on Saturday, it won’t be for an upset.
Prediction 3: Texas A&M and LSU square off in a top 15 matchup that could be the most competitive of the week. This is basically a toss up, with A&M favored by 1, and it should be entertaining. Overall I have been more impressed with the aggies this year, and when I flipped my Torrey Pines ball marker to decide this, it landed on them. That Torrey Pines marker has won me 3 coin tosses this year, so I’m all in. it will be a close game into the fourth quarter, Texas A&M for the win.
It should go without saying that the buckeyes will cruise to victory over Nebraska at home, already having thoughts of the weird people they will see in happy valley next week. Whether it’s a white out or not the buckeyes deserve to be favored, but of course as our old friend Will Money said in, ‘Unforgiven’ “deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.’ They kick off at Big Noon, so you will still have the rest of your Saturday in Columbus to play golf, find a twilight special near you.
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