College Football Idiot Savant Week 15
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Ohio State needs to stop using that White Stripes song for kickoffs, Jack White is from Michigan and it couldn’t have helped. The Buckeyes didn’t quite get it done last weekend, and that drags the site down to 20-17, looking to stay above .500 with some championship week picks. We will be taking a break until the playoff, but rest assured the last shot hasn’t been fired yet from Columbus.
Prediction 1: All of the pitchforks and torches have gathered in Atlanta this weekend for a race rally…excuse me, for the SEC championship game. It has come to my attention that Mercedes Benz Stadium will not allow Texas’ mascot longhorn into the stadium for the game. This seems entirely reasonable, because it’s a giant animal and this is a neutral site game, only two kinds come from Texas, people with assault rifles and F-150s, and animals with large horns. Texas to win close straight up.
Prediction 2: The Big Ten championship seems like a shell of the game it was going to be before that Michigan mishap. Oregon at (-3.5) seems favorable for a cover to me, if for no other reason than because it took the, ‘we are Penn State’ people too long to take that Paterno statue down. Oregon is the better team, Penn State is just not the third best team team in the country, they are barely the third best available in the Big Ten. This week Oregon covers to make me feel like the way David Bowie covers do: excellent.
Prediction 3: In our cultural championship game, we see two ACC schools I immediately want to pan like a Dr. Oz infomercial. SMU and Clemson definitely qualifies for the, ‘rooting for the meteor’ designation. I can’t say anything positive about SMU, except that they have the opportunity to make Dabo fall for an unprecedented 4th time. That’s right, they pulled him down off the cross so they could knock him to the ground for one more bonus station. SMU (-2) wins straight up.
Liveforthepage will be off the college football beat until the playoff, but expect to hear something from us before then. It has been wonderful running through the gauntlet of the college football regular season with you, and I’m excited for the playoff. If I hear one more person call for Ryan Day’s job before the end of the season, I’ll go to Bob Dylan, “Let’s stop talkin’ falsely now, the hour’s getting late.”
College Football Idiot Savant Week 7
After adding two wins last week, our season total sits at 8-5 with a week of games to write home about ahead. I’ve been centering my college football chi in order to avoid the election, and my sights are on one game this week. Ohio State travels to Oregon for the regular season game of the year, and I like our odds. It should be a great visual spectacle with the ducks slated to be in an all black uniform and those buckeye stickers always look good under the lights.
Prediction 1: Friend of liveforthepage Zach will suffer multiple diagnosable mental breakdowns during the game. Since I will be watching with him I believe that upon the second false start called against the buckeyes caused by the Oregon crowd will cause him to go Chernobyl in the direction of the television. Let me be clear, although a loss does not put Ohio State out of the playoffs, every college football fan in the country will be watching this game. 2 aneurisms, 1 call for Ryan Day’s job, and more Crown Royal than usual.
Prediction 2: Ohio State will have over 500 yards of total offense. I’m seeing this as a 38-35 kind of matchup and there will be a lot of NFL bodies running around Saturday night, but I think we have more of them. Veteran quarterback Will Howard should be able to handle the pressure of the environment and put the ball where his 5 star receivers can put their hands on it. Ohio State’s duel threat backfield will be key early to lowering the temperature in Autzen Stadium, and showcasing our premier backfield.
Prediction 3: Ohio State proves to be too much in a ‘welcome to the Big Ten’ showcase. I promised you objectivity, and that is why I said 38-35, as there’s nothing more objective from a fan than predicting a push. (OSU -3) Oregon is likely to make the playoff, so the buckeyes could see them again, but this is the pinnacle of regular season college football, 2 vs 3 and where the buckeyes have been before many times. Tell me all you want about how much this roster cost, and then look at the amount of scarlet in the stadium, it just means more to us.
This one should be fun Columbus and outlying world, a couple of pro tips from a local: Order your food early, and extra. If you are reading this and don’t care about the game, take a drive on I-670 or 23N at around 8pm Saturday, just to see them with no traffic. I’m posting this from the campus of THE Ohio State University, across from Ohio Stadium, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands of time, until we…oh look at me, I’m ramblin’ again. O-H!
College Football Idiot Savant Week 4
I have to admit, it is kinda cool to work where Fox’s ‘Big Noon’ kickoff show is this week. $500 prize for best sign in the crowd apparently, I hope there are a few that give Kirk Herbstreit the business. We start this week 4-1 after Washington State held strong on a goal to go stand to beat rival Washington. I feel good about the first few predictions, so we will stick to that. The bible thumpers were on campus in force this week, but nothing can save Florida State’s soul, so let’s talk about them first.
Prediction 1: This is my game of the week, another culture clash between Cal Berkley and Florida State. I think it would be great if we could get Gavin Newsome and Ron Desantis on college game day this week, the not so friendly banter is exactly what we need this election season. When one of the California academic pillars faces off against what is supposedly Florida’s best football school and its less than a 3 point spread: Root for 0-4! Pile it on scholars! Make me forget Aaron Rodgers went there.
Prediction 2: Texas gets to try out its new Manning toy this week again against University of Luisiana Monroe, Luisiana’s safety school. I saw a rumor that Matthew McConaughey bet $30,000 on Texas covering, and since this rumor is harmless, unlike the one about Springfield, OH, I’m assuming it’s true. This leads me to think about my favorite role he had in his career, because this game certainly isn’t going to hold my attention. Rusty Cohle from ‘True Detective’, no question Texas covers.
Prediction 3: Big Ten early showdown between USC and Michigan. Normally, if these two titans met in week 4 we would be talking about a Rose Bowl preview, but with the college football arms race they are now in conference together. I know I wrote earlier this year that I would keep the Ohio State homerism in check, and I am, but that makes this no less enjoyable. USC gets a, ‘Big win at the big house’ just like the Toledo t-shirts said when I was Junior and we curb stomped UM. Trojans send fans to the exits early.
‘The Taco People’ at my local Taco Bell on Henderson say 56-16 buckeyes this week on their sign. I say that because it’s taking all my effort to work up to caring about this game. Yet another tune up game to check out the full roster of the scarlet and grey, anything less would be a letdown. I don’t know how Marshall gets to 16, but I agree that the Buckeyes cover -39.5. To the Marshall players: enjoy your time in Columbus, nobody checks for recreational purchases at the West Virginia border.
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