On this holiest of Good Fridays let us bow our heads in prayer to commemorate the occasion of our savior dying on the cross to forgive our sins for the 1991st time. (33 AD – 2024 AD) Let us give reflection on our time with a quote from Revelation: ‘And they cried out in a loud voice: “Salvation belongs to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb.”‘ For the MAGA flock, it is no longer God’s plan, but Trump’s plan that is most prescient.

I’m going to take the holiday to denigrate religion a little bit, because the first amendment gives me the right to, and I will spend the rest of my life scrubbing the 12 years of Catholic school from my brain. However, like the grime remaining after a Blockbuster Video sign is taken down, it is forever. I find much more value in the sarcastic reflection of George Carlin on ‘God’s plan’: “It’s a divine plan. What’s the use of being god if every run-down schmuck with a two dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up your plan?”

Donald J Trump becoming a Bible salesman is exactly this perfect bit personified. $59.99 for a faux leather bound King James Bible that also includes the Constitution, Declaration of Independence and pledge of allegiance. I only wish Trump would have included his own foreword to the good book, just to show that he has never read a page of it. Brings to mind another awful quote, sorry I’ll try to end this well: ‘When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross.’ -James Waterman Wise.

I have to say the MAGA crowd are gluttons for abuse and misuse. The way Trump abuses them by channeling their faith to extract their wallets is his lowest grift yet. If you thought grown adults paying $100 dollars for Trump superhero trading cards was abusive, maybe I can also direct you to Trump University fraud victims or the citizens of New York City who voted for him who could have used his tax money he defrauded them of for essential services.

Now to the misuse, MAGA for years now have been self proclaiming themselves as patriots despite the fact that they are supporting an authoritarian figure in direct opposition to the founders’ intent. This was pointed out so explicitly by Jon Stewart last week, and I will leave many-a-MAGA with this classic uplifting quote from the film “Friday”: “I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this; but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got shit to do.”

We have now been treated to two Mondays of Jon Stewart returning to The Daily Show, and I have to say I’m salivating for next week’s residency slot. Jon Stewart is inseparable from the political and media landscape to a person of my age who is interested in politics and current events, and his return could not have come with better timing. His brand of satire is exactly what this country needs at a time when the Democratic Party establishment is wallowing in complacency.

After the first episode aired where he was critical of both presidential candidates for this November’s election he faced a lot of backlash from the left, the youth who haven’t been exposed to him before I can forgive, the rest I cannot. Jon Stewart is an honesty broker, a position with great responsibility and he would be remiss to not take the opportunity to criticize Biden who squarely deserved it. Not just because of the party nominating what they thought was a safe bet, but because Gaza could be to Biden what Covid was to Trump, disaster.

He was criticized for ‘bothsidesism’, insinuating that both sides are equally bad, which is absurd. Just because both parties are browning bananas so ripe for critique that their actions practically write the jokes for him doesn’t mean he shouldn’t tell them. Anyone with a cursory knowledge of news and politics can see that one candidate is running for president and the other is running for dictator to avoid jail, this was not a 50/50 bipartisan act of unity or apathy, but a skewering of both sides as a starting point.

This week he honed his sights on another soft target, Tucker Carlson, the Swansons trust fund baby who just won’t go away. As Jon Stewart historians will remember, Stewart appeared on Tucker’s CNN show ‘Crossfire’ and so tore the two hosts apart that it was cited as a reason for the show’s cancellation. He highlighted Carlson’s bent kneed interview with Vladimir Putin for the disgrace that it was and at one point shows a clip from the trip where Tucker makes a tasteless homelessness joke, “you’re such a dick” indeed.

As of right now it seems Jon has committed to the show for this election cycle, but I hope he is back for good. Satire is good for the soul, and when the media does such a poor job of accurately criticizing power due to corporate interest or ineptitude, Stewart stands in the gap. I hope you’re enjoying the return, and the interactions with a great group of correspondents and know that the pond is stocked for jokes this election year, we’re going to need it.

I spent my New Years’ Eve not enjoying, ‘Killers of the Flower Moon’ so I missed Green Day’s performance on ABC’s live year end celebration. However, since part of my 2023 was professing for the band (link below) I can’t help but weigh in, especially since this stirred up right wing controversy is from the album I mention and stand by as a classic to this day. Green Day wins the New Year as hard as the Detroit Lions got robbed on that tackle eligible missed call.

The reason I have to write about this is because of how much it mattered at the time to people who were teenagers. It mattered because it was Green Day, and it also mattered that it was political then as it is now. The album was released September 21, 2004, everyone had it. When I was serving my Catholic school service hours for the John Kerry campaign, even then. Sometimes being a rebel in your environment and doing the right thing are synonymous.

For the pre-millennial audience the original line from the title track, ‘American Idiot’ is:

‘Well maybe I’m the fa**ot America!
I’m not a part of a redneck agenda!’

Referring to the Bush administration in 2004; Mission Accomplished!

Green Day were a liberal rock band back then as much as it was in the waning moments of 2023, they censored the F word on the broadcast, but conservatives were offended by this version:

‘Well maybe I’m the fa**ot America!
I’m not a part of the MAGA agenda!’

Why are conservatives only outraged about Green Day making a political statement against them? Because they cannot accept the fact that they have been wrong for so long. That lyric from 2004 mentioning that maybe I’m the F word, just shows how long people have been subjected to that type of offensive, homophobic language and they still want to do it today. The fact that, ‘Redneck’ is considered a synonym for MAGA, should be an insult to Rednecks everywhere.

If you’re not already a subscriber, let me tell you about the best quality for the money proposition in streaming: Apple TV+. For ten bucks a month you get the highest quality shows, and to quote the legendary film, ‘Dazed and Confused’, ‘It’s quality, not quantity, alright man?’ While I could write an entire post just describing the best Ted Lasso episodes, I will try to make this one for the masses, and I hope that you will end reading this with a 7 day trial to the service.

The Morning Show

Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston lead a fire-starting take on not only righteous journalism, but feminism in the modern media landscape and it is fantastic. The thing you have to love about this platform is that an issue like abortion will come up and be seriously addressed in the way that you can’t do on network TV. Both leading ladies kill, and the drama currently runs for three seasons that span the American reality so well the way that HBO’s, ‘The Newsroom’ used to do.

Ted Lasso

If you think this show is about soccer, let me stop you in your tracks before you lose interest. Jason Sudeikis takes over an English Premier League soccer team with no experience in soccer. What happens from there is a masterclass in character development, romance, camaraderie and a feeling that we all are AFC Richmond. The show gets into deeper issues such as mental health and relationships in a way that if you don’t cry in response to several episodes, you may have to turn in your human card.

Lessons in Chemistry

Continuing on Apple’s feminist trailblazing effort, this show is so wholesome, in its solidarity pushing agenda between both races and sexes. Based on a book of the same title, Brie Larson doesn’t dazzle, because she can, she instructs. The story of her relationship with famed chemist Calvin Evans and her struggle to become recognized in a world she masters but is not let into, makes for captivating entertainment.

Five Days at Memorial

This is inarguably the most controversial show I will recommend, so let that grain of salt set in. The miniseries retells the catastrophic and horrific events of a hospital in New Orleans during hurricane Katrina and the aftermath. It challenges the viewer to consider the impossible moral decisions that the hospital staff had to make over 8 episodes, and Vera Farmiga reprises her role as a grey area hero similar to how I remember her from her role in, ‘The Departed.’ This does not disappoint.

I’m writing this on an Apple laptop; I consider my own bias, but in terms of the quality of shows you get on Apple TV+ that take chances other services wouldn’t, give it a try. If you haven’t seen Ted Lasso yet you are already doing yourself a disservice, and three seasons of that should satiate the most cynical person on the planet. Take a bite from the tree, unlike that bible nonsense, you will be left in a better place and no snake is involved.

‘Justin, I’m still not sure about that Jerry Rice.’ I wouldn’t want anyones’ existence boiled down to a sentence who meant so much to so many, but to me it was always perfect. My grandmother Marie Hirn was someone to everyone she ever interacted with because she was kindness embodied. My only regret with her was I never gave her any of those great-grandchildren that she thought about and I never wanted, but for that I’m passing the blame to Ryan, Jay, and Cortney in that order.

I was starting third grade and my mother was no longer going to be teaching at the school I attended, so that meant I would be doing the coming and going with my grandma that year. When you’re that age you don’t know why exactly the things are happening around you, but you’re damn sure glad that third grade didn’t mean another nun. Beyond that great realization another one soon formed: that I had the best grandma on the planet that year, save maybe Happy Gilmore.

Marie worked in the cafeteria and we would commute together. She had to be there way earlier than I did, so she would try to pacify me with Doug’s gameboy until it was time to go upstairs. It might have been then that I got my caffeine addiction started, because when the others had coffee, I had diet Dr. Pepper. I’ll never stop appreciating it in retrospect, because not everyone gets to grow up, as I later came to think: ‘A 4-Iron from your grandma.’

During that time it was really the after school part that was most appealing, I would walk or ride back and she introduced me to Hershey’s strawberry milk. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it or had it since, but it was amazing back then. She also had twizlers waiting for me most days, and I lived like a king in that transition. Before my parents picked me up there were a lot of days she spent watching NFL Films she could not care less about, but was always putting the remote in my hand.

I developed my love of my favorite athlete of all time, Tiger Woods during that period, as he played as an amateur. Let’s be honest though, the thing that made Marie an angel was that she would play Tecmo Bowl with me on the original Nintendo. I was a third-grade-asshole: I ran up the score, I tried to teach her, but no matter what Jerry Rice won the day. Looking back on what she left behind, all the wonderful kids that I still enjoy spending time with, Jerry Rice would be glad to know Marie.

I’m going to start this thing where it begins, I can’t thank my parents enough for making me a Buckeye. Unmistakable, from consciousness, (red). Let me get this soccer bit out of the way about how I came to be a Manchester United fan (red), and why Xichigan (blue), or Manchester City (blue) makes perfect sense: solidarity for the right thing. We, as a family, are Buckeyes and let me tell you the story.

One love of Ohio State for me started in 1983 when my parents were married on the day of, ‘The Game.’ I don’t think a score mattered in their mind that day. However, it did to the friends with radios in the congregation. I am assuming that was the only day the church was available, because who could put themselves above, ‘The Game.’ Let alone god? (Who would be a Buckeye) Those wonderful people were Ed and Donna.

Those wonderful people helped put me through college at an Ohio state school, The University of Toledo, who had the pleasure of skewering that team up north while I was a Junior. 13-10 Toledo Rockets at the big house in Ann Arbor, I can’t emphasize this enough: Fuck Xichigan! I took the navy blue paint I got to polish up our basement bar and painted the score above my Xichigan fan roommates door. Fuck Xichigan!

Not only will this year feature top 3 ranking for both teams yet again, but you get to see Marvin Harrison Jr. play football. I don’t really care about the Heisman trophy, as a lifelong Cleveland Browns fan I know that Brady Quinn was once up for the award, and that greatly diminishes it for me. However, if the award means the best player in college football and Maserati Marvin doesn’t win it, give Reggie Bush back his and I never want to hear about the award again.

I lost my grandmother this week and I’m not watching the game with my best friend because we are celebrating my parents 40th on the day of the game, so this one will mean more to me and I’ll never forget it. Grandma Marie is responsible for mothering 4 Ohio State alumni and this year is for her. I don’t have a score, but my prediction is this Buckeye cohort smears the cheating maze and blue all over the field on Saturday. O-H-I-O.

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of paltry wealth and impeccable taste. Like that maligned lyric from, ‘Sympathy for the Devil’ by The Rolling Stones I am selling something old, which doesn’t necessarily mean bad, despite Gen Z appeals to the contrary. Joe Biden is practically the antithesis of sexy as a candidate right now, but in this country you don’t always end up with a Barack Obama on the ballot and you have to still make a responsible choice to participate in Democracy.

Stop me dead in my tracks when this changes over the next year, but right now we are on our way to having the same choices as last time in 2020 for president. It might seem unimaginable, last time we were voting by mail and fearing everyone in sight in the early waves of Covid 19, the handling of which was an embarrassment. While I give credit to Donald Trump for operation warp speed to create a vaccine, he won’t take credit for it, vaccines are too science based for him to grift on.

Let’s go back further for a moment, in 2016 I felt gross casting a vote for Hilary Clinton. I voted for Bernie in the primary and they were not even on the same planet in terms of their platforms despite both running as democrats, but I digress. The point is when you have a choice between two bad choices, I still implore you to make one this time, because the choice to vote may not be available to you again after another four years of Donald Trump.

In the blood red state of Ohio since August, we have turned out electorally to block a vote to require a 60% majority for amendments to the state constitution, and then to codify abortion access and legalize recreational marijuana. Clearly it’s not that we can’t be a rabid voting base if we want to be, and we need to put Ohio back in play, but what is obvious is that democrats represent the will and opinion of the majority and we need to put that in ink a year from now as a people.

I know that I’m getting old because I’ve now seen two massive movements on the right wing that are essentially branding exercises, how typically corporate. Like the tea party before it, and just as embarrassing and progress defying, the make America great again movement has become dangerous at this point. We are looking at a man in Donald Trump who is running in a democracy to institute a dictatorship, and his supporters couldn’t be happier.

I compel you, I beg you, please turn out next year for the election. It is not hyperbole to say democracy is on the ballot, and when one of the two available candidates is very intentionally evoking the term, ‘vermin’ to speak about his opposition and proposing deportation camps the choice is clear. The road to fascism is paved with millions of eligible voters staying home instead of voting against it. We have the right to determine our destiny by voting, and I’ll take Bazooka Joe over a fascist soon to be convicted felon and you should feel the same way for your own sake.

As the first notes ring out on that iconic guitar song, ‘Ohio’ by Neil Young it never fails to raise the hair on my neck. The angst pours out of that opening guitar solo and somehow a song about 4 Vietnam protesters being killed in Ohio has to carry the same weight today as it did in 1970. Tin soldiers aren’t what we face now, but a Republican majority that has now defied the Ohio Supreme Court’s decision against their electoral map for the 6th time.

To quote another guitar legend, ‘excuse me while I kiss the sky’ because I don’t want to be negative here, this is an opportunity for reasonable people in the Buckeye state. There is an opportunity in November, provided by reasonable people of this state voting in their own interest, and the interest of their children in August on issue 1.

I’m old enough to be one of those people that, ‘Saw the towers fall’ as was pointed out to my girlfriend when a young person asked about her age. I also remember that it was Ohio that re-elected Bush in 2004. That’s the thing though, I know Ohio is a shadow purple state if the circumstances are right, and there are enough votes in the metropolitan counties of the state to drown out the ignorant if we turn out. This November is that chance, abortion and weed, if that doesn’t scream freedom I don’t know what does.

Ohio Issue 1, to establish reproductive healthcare into the state constitution could not be more important. I live in Columbus, and, ‘this our fortress’ as it used to read on the outside of Historic Crew Stadium, central Ohio is our fortress. Abortion on the ballot gets that crucial but fickle Delaware county suburban mom that cares about her daughters vote, and that is tangible. That is something that can translate Ohio into a national discussion when we think about the electoral college in a year.

‘Four dead in Ohio’ is a tragedy, but it doesn’t have to be a legacy. Those people that died that day were out there protesting to make this state and this world a better place as they saw fit. Let us all carry on in that tradition of informed political action and put Ohio back into the purple column, and make Trump or whoever becomes the nominee from that grift show party sweat. ‘What if you knew her, and found her dead on the ground? How can you run when you know?’