Why Do I Do This?
I hope you have been enjoying the college football musings this season, but the most important matchup of the year is coming on November 5th. I encourage you to exercise your civic duty to vote by whatever means is available to you, be it absentee, early, or on election day in-person this year. This will likely be my last political post before the election, and I want to provide my reasoning for the vote I cast and why you should join me in voting for Kamala Harris.
Kamala first caught my attention when she was displaying her prosecutorial skills in the senate and I was a fan of her subsequent run for the democratic nomination in 2020. Then, she was competing with Bernie for my leftist heart, now she has pivoted to the center so hard as to be unrecognizable from her 2020 counterpart. I still have hope for her presidency, but if you are wary of her being a, ‘radical leftist’ my disappointment should serve as soothing menthol-eucalyptus to a centrist, stand-for-nothing throat.
Because I have women in my life that I love, and respect the women of this country, choice is the number one issue. In 2020, I would have told you that the environment was my first issue of priority, however that was before the Supreme Court tore rights away from 51% of American citizens. Project 2025 calls for a national abortion ban, and while Kamala will not have a filibuster proof majority in congress, a vote for her is preventative in this regard.
“In Springfield, they’re eating the dogs, the people that came in, they’re eating the cats, they’re eating, they’re eating the pets of the people that live there.” This quote falls under: ‘Hitler Open Mic Night’ to borrow from a Bill Burr comedy bit. I have a republican friend who when I say that Trump is a racist, will ask for examples, once stating, “he never said Mexicans were rapists.” He never called Chris Christie a fat pig either, apparently. A staffer for Vance called a Springfield official to check on the validity of these claims before Trump said this at the debate, calling the allegations, “baseless” but he said it anyway.
I hate it, but I feel the need to emphasize pragmatism over idealism yet again. As we exited the polls yesterday, Emily and I were reflecting on how great it felt to have our first presidential ballots cast for Barack Obama in 2008 and how it has been a series of ‘eat your vegetables’ candidates since. Kamala saved us from a landslide Trump victory over Biden, and for that reason I am once again pleading with America to eat its vegetables. If Obama rapping Eminem’s, ‘Lose Yourself’ on stage this week wasn’t enough, I guess you might take no joy in humanity, or worse, are an evangelical.
I’m no flag-waving patriot, but the post apocalyptic portrait of America that Trump paints is just not the current state of the nation. Our economy has recovered better from Covid 19 than any other nation most Americans would consider habitable, and western democracy still means something. Vote for today, vote for yourself, vote so that you will have another chance to in 4 years.
Fascism: Noun. A governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc. and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 8
Obviously that outcome in Autzen last week was not what Ohio State wanted, but there is a lot of season left, including Penn State in three weeks: back on the horse. Liveforthepage did fare well with the picks, I consider the buckeyes covering with a push prediction counting, they did not get to 500 yards of offense, but Zach absolutely called for Ryan Day’s job so we sit at 10-6. It’s an off week in Columbus, go play golf! On to Nebraska.
Prediction 1: In our cultural battle of the week, Indiana and Nebraska get together to trade husking techniques and corn based recipes as well as play a football game. The blimp cam will be interesting for this one, its going to look like 60,000 of the same person in the crowd, all cornfed white men in red. I like Indiana to win(-6.5), but this should be an old school football fan’s game, a brawl between the hashes. Bloomington will be a fun place to be Saturday night, if you have to be in Indiana I guess.
Prediction 2: In the coin flip game of the week brought to you by the Illinois Lottery, Michigan comes in as four point favorites and I see next to no justification for that. The Illini could play further spoilers into a U of M collapse post-Harbaugh. Luckily, since both states have sensible marijuana policy, the crowd will be enjoying themselves and I think on a ‘football weather’ kind of Saturday this screams upset. Liveforthepage supporters know I will make any excuse to pick orange, but this time it’s sensible.
Prediction 3: We have been spoiled for choice over the past few weeks with big matchups, and this week provides #1 Texas and #5 Georgia. In my lifetime, I have seen Texas choke so many times that this seems to look one way, but both teams are stacked with talent and this should be fun. Both of these teams are playoff contenders and I really don’t like Texas(-5) covering this. In for a penny, in for a pound, close win for the longhorns in the beautiful orange strip.
It’s October 18th and early voting has started! If you went to college, like college football, like the ideas discussed at college, then next week give early voting in Ohio the college try. Franklin county has a great facility on Morse Rd. and you will be in and out in no time. Regardless of what happens in the Big Ten or the SEC this week, the election is your civic duty. Enjoy the games this weekend, and if you’re in Columbus, Blacklick Woods Metropark Golf Course still has tee times to see those fall colors.
Farewell Browns
‘I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ That iconic line from the movie ‘Network’ begins to, but does not fully illustrate the current state of my Cleveland Browns support. Exhausted disillusion with a side of hopeless cynicism and the complete lack of a way out in sight is where I am, but I am drawing a line in the sand this time.
I have been a loyal Browns fan for over twenty years, and the cupboard has been bare for that entire time. Since 1999 there have been so many quarterbacks, so many coaches, one great kicker and so many inexplicable new ways I’ve witnessed of how to lose football games. Is it a rebuild if you start the next one before you finish the last one?
Farewell to the Haslams, the first half of my time as a fan was marked by the Browns being drastically outspent by nearly every team in the league with cap space that would only be spent on the Madden video game every year. Jimmy and Dee Haslam invested in the big moves that previous ownership never did, and I thank them for swinging. I also owed them a debt, especially Dee, for not allowing my beloved Columbus Crew to be the second team in my lifetime greedily stolen from Ohio. After what the Watson trade has become, I consider us even.
I hope the Browns get a wonderful new dome stadium that will provide the people of Cleveland entertainment opportunities 12 months a year. When the proposal for the new stadium came out, the usual old school Browns fan pushback inevitably followed. The cold weather is our 12th player, natural grass is the only surface for real football and other tiresome arguments that have led the team to losing every meaningful game on the frozen tundra next to the lake.
Make no mistake, I wish the Browns well, I will always root for them against the Kentucky Bengals and the rest of the division. However, I am not signing on for another 0-16 season, which would now be 0-17. The Browns are now staring down the possibility of that debacle again for the next two seasons. The Jacksonville win a few weeks ago seems like a gift at this point, and this season is a lost cause. Every week that they roll out Watson as the starter is an exercise in insanity.
With Baker Mayfield and Joe Flacco winning games for their new teams, I’ve been getting that Browns feeling I know too well. Like Odell Beckham Jr who fetched a first round pick from us, we ended up cutting him, and he won the Super Bowl that year with the Rams, I can’t do this anymore. Am I supposed to be excited to tank the rest of this season for another quarterback that will need to lead a roster starting at a $70 million dollar cap disadvantage for the next two years? At which point they probably bail on him to draft a new guy, with an over/under of 3 coaches and general managers between now and then. This is a re-run of the Browns, now in syndication on a late night cable network and I can’t do it to myself anymore.
To my two favorite Browns of all time Myles Garrett and Nick Chubb, I thank you for some of the best football I’ve ever seen at those positions. Nick Chubb without injury in Kevin Stephanski’s offense was supposed to be the Cleveland dream and it could have been so sweet. Myles Garrett is the most impactful defensive player I have seen in my lifetime other than Ray Lewis, and for the record I wish he would have torn Mason Rudolph’s head clean off.
As my favorite Bob Dylan so goes, I have been offered, ‘Shelter From the Storm’: Emily just moved to Columbus from Chicago, and I went to a Columbus Bears Backers bar to watch the London game last weekend. The experience of watching a team with hope bludgeon a Jacksonville team that the Browns couldn’t score 20 against was exhilarating. I love football, and I’m not going to stop watching the NFL, so I shed the Browns like I shed another geographical fallacy, Catholicism. I feel as guilt free moving to another midwestern team with a great fan base as my dad probably did when he turned in the Time Warner Cable box and cut the cord.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 7
After adding two wins last week, our season total sits at 8-5 with a week of games to write home about ahead. I’ve been centering my college football chi in order to avoid the election, and my sights are on one game this week. Ohio State travels to Oregon for the regular season game of the year, and I like our odds. It should be a great visual spectacle with the ducks slated to be in an all black uniform and those buckeye stickers always look good under the lights.
Prediction 1: Friend of liveforthepage Zach will suffer multiple diagnosable mental breakdowns during the game. Since I will be watching with him I believe that upon the second false start called against the buckeyes caused by the Oregon crowd will cause him to go Chernobyl in the direction of the television. Let me be clear, although a loss does not put Ohio State out of the playoffs, every college football fan in the country will be watching this game. 2 aneurisms, 1 call for Ryan Day’s job, and more Crown Royal than usual.
Prediction 2: Ohio State will have over 500 yards of total offense. I’m seeing this as a 38-35 kind of matchup and there will be a lot of NFL bodies running around Saturday night, but I think we have more of them. Veteran quarterback Will Howard should be able to handle the pressure of the environment and put the ball where his 5 star receivers can put their hands on it. Ohio State’s duel threat backfield will be key early to lowering the temperature in Autzen Stadium, and showcasing our premier backfield.
Prediction 3: Ohio State proves to be too much in a ‘welcome to the Big Ten’ showcase. I promised you objectivity, and that is why I said 38-35, as there’s nothing more objective from a fan than predicting a push. (OSU -3) Oregon is likely to make the playoff, so the buckeyes could see them again, but this is the pinnacle of regular season college football, 2 vs 3 and where the buckeyes have been before many times. Tell me all you want about how much this roster cost, and then look at the amount of scarlet in the stadium, it just means more to us.
This one should be fun Columbus and outlying world, a couple of pro tips from a local: Order your food early, and extra. If you are reading this and don’t care about the game, take a drive on I-670 or 23N at around 8pm Saturday, just to see them with no traffic. I’m posting this from the campus of THE Ohio State University, across from Ohio Stadium, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands of time, until we…oh look at me, I’m ramblin’ again. O-H!
College Football Idiot Savant Week 6
After a rough week of predictions I had nothing to celebrate but the one-handed catches by the Buckeyes. 6-5 and bleeding losses, at least I still have a perfect Buckeye record to fall back on. The scarlet and grey should win again this week and cover (-18), but Iowa does occasionally cause us problems, so I don’t expect it to be an easy task. However, since they are the best team in the nation, they will be fine this week.
Prediction 1: We check in again on Dabo, who currently has fallen for the first time. Number 15 Clemson faces the empty cupboard that is Florida State, and I believe that they will win comfortably. It pains me greatly to say that, but at least they will be sporting those beautiful orange threads, which will be a theme for the week. Orange is my favorite color, and like any gambler backed into a corner with long odds to come back from, stick with the irrational: Clemson orange wins big.
Prediction 2: The Classic Red River Rivalry should be one of the best games of the day, and I believe it will be a day to shine for Arch Manning once again. I might just have to procure myself a steak by 3:30 eastern for this battle amongst the cattle. Just to ruin it for both of them, I’ll use copious amounts of steak sauce. Texas looks good in a big rivalry game, and regardless of which uniform they go with, they will be the best looking team in the stadium.
Prediction 3: In our culture clash game of the week, number 8 Miami takes on my beloved Cal Berkley. The two couldn’t be more different, like how California pays for every Florida hurricane rebuild, or how Florida is just a risky tax haven with unbearable humidity. I, like Tony Kornheiser, will probably not be awake for the end of this snoozer, but Miami should flex here. Whether they go with green, orange, or white tops, those Miami uniforms will shine under the lights as they win big.
Campus came back to life this week with the recent hurricane rains, and that green bursting of life will also be reflected in my picks this week. If I don’t go 3-0 with a Buckeye sweetener, I’ll eat skyline chili at a future date. This is the week I turn this ship around, and try not to annoy Emily with the amount of games on. If it hasn’t been made clear by previous Columbus Crew posts, I really don’t wanna eat that skyline chili, so I need to be the oracle of Delphos this week.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 5
I had a bit of a rough week with picks in week 4 with USC and Michigan letting me down. However, as a life long Browns fan, we continue. Currently 5-3 for the year and looking for a turnabout, 5-3 may look bad but considering how the Browns are looking like coming nowhere near that record after 8 attempts, I soldier on. Let me be clear, when I say soldier on, I mean like, professional armies, not like the civilians that Benjamin Netanyahu keeps slaughtering.
Prediction 1: UNLV rises above scandal to defeat Fresno State. Without doing a deep dive into the NIL scandal with UNLV that has caused their starting quarterback to enter the transfer portal mid-season, I see no way that this is on the kid. He allegedly got a verbal commitment for a $100,000 NIL deal from one of the assistant coaches, that was never put in writing, and subsequently not paid. How did UNLV pay for all those basketball players on the 1990 National Championship team and not come up with a paltry 100k for their starting division 1 quarterback? I really feel for the player, and especially his teammates, but football is next-man-up, and that 2nd team guy has been taking reps all year too. UNLV circles the wagons and wins close against Fresno.
Prediction 2: It must be week 5 in college football because we have an SEC matchup sure to rile up pitch forks and torches throughout the south. Georgia and Alabama, a top 5 matchup for the ages? I think unlikely, for two equally substantive reasons. One, Nick Saban is no longer the coach of Alabama, and thus people can no longer run 85 yards through the heart of the south on him. Two, I shined up my Nick Chubb commemorative glass for some college beers tomorrow, ’bout them Dawgs, Georgia comfortably.
Prediction 3: Oklahoma State faces off with Kansas State in a tight matchup, Kansas state as 5 point favorites. Let me break this down for you, Rickie Fowler is not the greatest player on the PGA Tour by a long shot, but that guy is such a fan favorite that anyone could root for. He wears his alma mater orange proudly every Sunday event he’s in, and there is a 100% chance that orange will be on the field this weekend. O-K-State-you’re-so-fine-you-blow-my-mind, hey Rickie! Underdogs make life fun, by 1.
I have to admit I’m setting myself up to go 0-3 this week, but I’m having fun with it, and if you wanted expert analysis go to Kirk Herbstreit. Just kidding, he’s been spewing college football 101 for so long he thinks it’s insightful. I hate to disparage a Buckeye, but I will since he sent his kids out of state to Clemson, which is an excellent segue to check in on Dabo. Currently, he has only fallen for the first time. Let’s hope Palo Alto has something to say about him falling again.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 4
I have to admit, it is kinda cool to work where Fox’s ‘Big Noon’ kickoff show is this week. $500 prize for best sign in the crowd apparently, I hope there are a few that give Kirk Herbstreit the business. We start this week 4-1 after Washington State held strong on a goal to go stand to beat rival Washington. I feel good about the first few predictions, so we will stick to that. The bible thumpers were on campus in force this week, but nothing can save Florida State’s soul, so let’s talk about them first.
Prediction 1: This is my game of the week, another culture clash between Cal Berkley and Florida State. I think it would be great if we could get Gavin Newsome and Ron Desantis on college game day this week, the not so friendly banter is exactly what we need this election season. When one of the California academic pillars faces off against what is supposedly Florida’s best football school and its less than a 3 point spread: Root for 0-4! Pile it on scholars! Make me forget Aaron Rodgers went there.
Prediction 2: Texas gets to try out its new Manning toy this week again against University of Luisiana Monroe, Luisiana’s safety school. I saw a rumor that Matthew McConaughey bet $30,000 on Texas covering, and since this rumor is harmless, unlike the one about Springfield, OH, I’m assuming it’s true. This leads me to think about my favorite role he had in his career, because this game certainly isn’t going to hold my attention. Rusty Cohle from ‘True Detective’, no question Texas covers.
Prediction 3: Big Ten early showdown between USC and Michigan. Normally, if these two titans met in week 4 we would be talking about a Rose Bowl preview, but with the college football arms race they are now in conference together. I know I wrote earlier this year that I would keep the Ohio State homerism in check, and I am, but that makes this no less enjoyable. USC gets a, ‘Big win at the big house’ just like the Toledo t-shirts said when I was Junior and we curb stomped UM. Trojans send fans to the exits early.
‘The Taco People’ at my local Taco Bell on Henderson say 56-16 buckeyes this week on their sign. I say that because it’s taking all my effort to work up to caring about this game. Yet another tune up game to check out the full roster of the scarlet and grey, anything less would be a letdown. I don’t know how Marshall gets to 16, but I agree that the Buckeyes cover -39.5. To the Marshall players: enjoy your time in Columbus, nobody checks for recreational purchases at the West Virginia border.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 3
In the wake of a totally nondescript presidential debate this week, we look to the college football weekend once again. As one should, I briefly reflect on the past weeks’ predictions at 2-0. I will also be tracking successful Buckeye win predictions, also 2-0, and as a spoiler alert I’ll be predicting them to win all of their games. I am not one of these ‘looking for attention’ personalities online who will tell you with a straight face that Oregon is going to win the conference, they’re a bunch of quacks.
The first prediction: Washington proves big ten superiority with victory over in-state rival Washington St. I’m not saying by a large margin, but the victory is almost certain. I know Washington has a lot of apples, and as a chronically single guy for most of my life I know about the apple picking date, marvelous. Washington has made the playoff, and Washington State is still in the middle of nowhere, how do you like them apples? Washington gets the girl this week.
Second prediction: Texas A&M wins comfortably in the swamp. Growing up as a college football fanatic, I used to fear, ‘The Swamp’ at The University of Florida. The Swamp lettering on the wall next to the way too overfilled fan section as if to show just how much humanity was in the building. That is all gone now, they haven’t been relevant for years, and Texas A&M gave Notre Dame a run for their money before some of my MAC brethren showed them the door. Florida fans file in fourth quarter fallacy.
Third prediction: Indiana takes down UCLA in first ever clash of cultures. Let’s face it, neither of these schools are known for their football. They both boast of their academic pursuits, UCLA being on the world stage…Indiana, in comparison to Purdue, but we forget about the football. Indiana has a Canadian kid starting at quarterback with a 73% completion percentage, if the people of the corn can accept him, so can I. Hoosier daddy left-coast?
The Buckeyes of course will remain undefeated with a bye this week, although a segment of hardcore Buckeye fans will still be calling for Ryan Day’s job. We are a little too lucky to live in Columbus, if the Buckeyes have a down year, you still have something to do with your weekend. Imagine being a Florida State fan right now and pinch yourself, just a bit of self-reflection for a resting week. Enjoy the off week in the city, consider tuning in for the Crew tomorrow versus, ‘that team down south’ FC Cincinnati.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 2
I regret to inform that I will have limited college football access this weekend, due to me pursuing the most college of pursuits: Weezer at Nationwide. That’s right I’ll be pregaming all day with a smooth pilsner with a natural finish, natty light, and an old friend from when I used to drink it all the time. He refuses to be on the podcast, despite its lack of popularity, but shares my love of ‘The Big Lebowski’ so he gets a pass. This week, I’m doing predictions, so I can make fun of myself next week.
The first prediction: College Gameday on ESPN will be nearly unwatchable. I grew up watching the show, and the memories of the mascot head choice by Lee Corso to signify his pick still tugs at my heart. A local radio guy in Columbus was kicked off the air for saying how bad Desmond Howard was, and it hasn’t gotten better. It is an unwatchable mess with Pat McAfee and Kirk Herbstreit vying for the dunce cap with each successive episode. Disney corporation: you have more money than god, pay some talent.
Second prediction: Texas wins big over Michigan. I saw a kid on campus this week wearing a Texas orange sweatshirt walking to class and I told him to kick Michigan’s ass this week, he smiled, so I assume they will. I also assume that since he was wearing a sweatshirt when the Columbus temperature was over 80 degrees, he might be from Texas, not used to the cold, and would know. I get my info from the best sources, some people are saying you should bet your nickel on Michigan getting Longhorned.
Third prediction: Nebraska wins in Lincoln. I want Nebraska to be successful, they are as college football focused as it gets. If Columbus were a less cultured city, with a great college football tradition, it might be Lincoln, Nebraska. I’m doubling down on coach Prime running his mouth too much, the word today is corn, as in cornhusker. I’m not going to say it’s a rout, but this is truly a battle of flash vs. will, and I can’t wait to watch the highlights.
This isn’t a prediction necessarily, but Western Michigan doesn’t have a chance. Admittedly the grass isn’t growing on most of campus, but there is no such thing as grass being greener on a side other than the Ohio State University. I respect my MAC brethren, but I think 60 points is in the cards. After all, according to The Black Keys, they went, ‘from San Berdoo to Kalamazoo just to get away from you.’ Must be a dead place to escape to, enjoy your time in Columbus.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 1
After prepping a bit of the outside of the horseshoe grounds myself this week, the real start of college football was in the air. Akron was dispatched without worry, although maybe not as quickly or decisively as it should have been. It was great to see guys making plays that will be represented by stickers on their helmet next week as it always is, and the Buckeyes checked a box on the long road to the playoff. This team is loaded, and I would put them against anyone.
Georgia played juggernaut again, and it couldn’t have been at the hands of a more deserving loser. Because of the fact that my uncle Dan thought it was so funny, I compared Clemson’s losses last year, and their ultra religious unlovable coach Dabo Swinney to the stations of the cross. Another year, and week one: Dabo falls for the first time. I will be circling back throughout the year to recount Clemson’s woes, as they are imposters on the college football landscape, like anyone from the ACC.
I might like to also start a weekly primetime segment, one that will be a report on the Colorado Buffalos. If Oasis hadn’t reunited this week, ‘Coach Prime’ and the boys might have been the most overhyped thing in it. Where these overhyped things diverge is that Oasis is of substance, and Colorado football is a flash in the pan operation without depth. J.D. Vance might have tried to tell you the correct phrase of Appalachia is, ‘fart in a skillet’ in either respect, sell Colorado.
As footnotes go, U of Toledo waxed Duquesne 49-10 for a nice start to the non conference schedule, and they still have the best fight song in the nation. They may not be in the playoff race, but they will certainly smoke that inferior institution down I-75 in Bowling Green this year by 20. My falcon brother Jay stopped betting on the game with me a while back, and that was one of his best financial decisions. Also a shoutout to the band, made me think of my days living ‘behind Engineering’ back in the day.
I didn’t forget about the golden domes, they are still ranked higher than they naturally should be, as it has been for my entire life. We can chalk up this loss by A & M as a Johnny Manziel party gone wrong, and as per usual don’t expect much from the state of Texas. Notre Dame survives to be future playoff cannon fodder of division one teams in real conferences. It’s been a fun week one, and I hope you continue to join me throughout the season.
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