Isn’t that John Candy?
Maybe I take a little too much joy in it because is was at the expense of the Cincinnati Bengals, maybe it was because I grew up playing Tecmo Bowl on NES with Montana to Rice becoming my religion. However, there is no maybe in the huddle on the final drive of Super Bowl XXIII, where Joe Montana casually says to his men, “Isn’t that John Candy?” They laugh, and then complete a game winning drive with a touchdown, one of four for Montana and the Niners in the eighties.
It is truly a game of inches when you think about the end of the XXXIV Super Bowl and the great game that it was. The greatest show on turf St. Louis Rams were on the sideline for the defining play, as Kevin Dyson came up one yard short of the end zone. You wanted to see this win for Kurt Warner, but I don’t think anyone wished that kind of Bill Buckner-esque bad ending on Dyson.
My dad will hate me for this, but one of my favorite plays in Super Bowl history is the Elway dive. Super Bowl XXXII on a 3rd and 6 Elway gets 8 as he throws his body, and his whole career really, at the 3 defenders. When he left the ground he was a hero, when he came down with the first down he became a Super Bowl winner. Terrell Davis deserves a shout out for this Super Bowl as well, he was a workhorse.
For you idiots thinking something is fixed, let me take you back to the face of the league Peyton Manning getting out coached and outplayed by New Orleans, who successfully recovered the second half opening onside kick of the century. I am a Manning apologist, but Drew Brees winning this one for New Orleans was the way it was supposed to be.
So when you are on your Super Bowl journey tonight, get the best food, this is the cheat day of all cheat days. Enjoy your friends if you go to a party and resist the narrative that the game is fixed in any way. Regardless of the number of times they put Taylor Swift on TV, it has no impact on the ten 300lb offensive and defensive lineman that decide the game in the trenches, it has no impact on Mahomes being the best quarterback in the game. I’m gonna try to enjoy Kendrick Lamar at halftime, I know he’s a legend, and you should all treat yourselves too, Chiefs cover (-1.5).
College Football Idiot Savant Season Review
Hello friends, we hope you have gotten some enjoyment out of the weekly picks, and some laughs from the terrible jokes. We ended up 2-1 for the national title game, because Notre Dame let us down and allowed the Buckeyes over 400 yards of offense, I shed a tear. We finish 30-22 for the year, but nobody cares today, we got the last one right. Class was missed this morning in Columbus, Emily’s co-worker already had a national championship t-shirt on, and the rest of the college football world is going to love to hate us again.
I’ve never been happier to win $3 in my life, three separate $1 bets on Ohio State to cover (-9.5 and -8.5) respectively. That game should, in the end, leave no doubt in a rational persons’ mind that The Ohio State Buckeyes are the best team in the nation this season. It has been enjoyable to write for those who read and I will consider doing it next season, while flawed, the playoff delivered and that was the reason I started this weekly piece. This has been a fantastic Buckeye team to watch this season, and they deserve all the praise for living up to the expectations here, national champions.
How’s it feel to be in Ann Arbor now?
South Bend?
All of the South?
I leave the Notre Dame fans with a reading from the book of Lebowski: “I guess that’s the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin’ itself down through the generations. Westward the wagons, across the sands of time until we – ah, look at me. I’m ramblin’ again.” See you in August again Texas, O-H!
College Football Idiot Savant National Championship
(In an effort to remain as objective as possible with the picks this week, I have chosen to write from the Notre Dame perspective. This should prevent me from conscious or unconscious bias. I respect my right to do this on behalf of a roommate I had in college who did a stint at Notre Dame. I am not going to pretend our catholic upbringing doesn’t come into this as well, it does.)
It’s been such a blessed season friends! Liveforthepage is at 28-21 for the season’s predictions and we now stare down one final athletic competition between wonderful college athletes fighting for school pride. There will be a national championship to decide the best college football team in the nation for this season, and in a new playoff format, kinda like coming home to fresh apple pie from your loving wife.
Prediction 1: There are total gentleman on both sides of this intercollegiate competition, but I think the ones wearing the golden helmets of the lord just have something here. They will hold the secular and superior Ohio State offense to under 400 total yards during the game. Notre Dame is going to need a Tebow-like performance out of Riley Leonard on the other side of the ball, luckily he puts God first at all times and will be efficient on 3rd down.
Prediction 2: Let’s be honest, we are all here to spread Jesus’ message to the world, and what better way to do that than to have our team in a championship! I am willing to bet any amount of money in the world, which means nothing because Jesus is my savior and I would live in a box on Skid Row with him. Even so, our faithful brothers at Notre Dame would never join a conference. Do you know how much NBC money would be taken out of the coffers at church if Notre Dame joined a conference and became legitimate?! (Both Notre Dame and Ohio State players will wear bible verses on their eye-black.)
Prediction 3: I will tell you what brothers and sisters, this is a tall task. But I am again conflicted, there seems to be illicit commerce taking place in the house of the lord. Jesus would turn over the tables of these gamblers trying to say that Notre Dame is eight and a half points less likely to win than the Ohio State! Clearly we need to put the entire collection basket on Ohio State covering (-8.5).
This next game will truly be a test of faith—light a candle, unless you’re in Los Angeles, then definitely pray. Love the sinner, hate the sin, Ohio State has just been too good this year, probably savoring all of the seven deadly sins. They will get their gratification here on earth on Martin Luther King Jr. Day in Atlanta, but Notre Dame will have their victory in paradise.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Semifinal.
With the clutter is mostly eliminated from the playoff we see the cream rise to the top with the final four teams. Liveforthepage comes off a 2-1 quarterfinal stage to bring us to 26-20 for the year, and we aim to continue the winning record in the final two weeks. As always, liveforthepage is not responsible for gambling losses associated with these predictions, please be a degenerate responsibly.
Prediction 1: However, I just got a tip last week from real wiseguy who has Notre Dame in the final. I haven’t really been impressed with Penn State (+1.5) and there isn’t really an incentive to take the points here. They may not be playing in the shadow of touchdown Jesus, but I think this is where Penn State’s story ends. While the thought of an all Big Ten final is appealing, the Buckeyes beating the golden domers in the final is too damn good. Notre Dame covers.
Prediction 2: Don’t mess with Texas…Seriously don’t mess with Texas if you want them to cover a game for you. Don’t mess with Texas…Unless you’re an Arizona State running back. Don’t mess with Texas…Well, let’s just say they have an inflated opinion of themselves even though they haven’t done anything since Vince Young played quarterback there. I’m not going to predict a thrashing as compete as what happened against Oregon, but this game is ripe for a cover at Ohio State (-6).
Prediction 3: I don’t live in their skin, but I have to imagine this Ohio State team is pretty fresh after barely having to do anything in the second half against Oregon. They should be rested and they are the best team left, which is why I am going with offensive yards, over 400. This Texas secondary just let a running back throw a touchdown on them last week, our #1 wide receiver room in the nation should split them up like a filet knife.
Jesus Quintana once said, “I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios Mio, man. Liam and me, we’re gonna fuck you up.” Like that character from The Big Lebowski, Jesus will be present in the semis with Notre Dame, but that will be their last great line in this movie. The Dude and Walter are Ohio State in this scenario, and you can bet they will be abiding on January 20th.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Week 2
Happy New Year Internet! It was an exciting first round of the new playoff format that saw liveforthepage improve to 24-19 for the year after a sweep of last week’s predictions. It’s time for more holiday college football and we’ve got some great picks that you can take to the bank. Of course if you don’t have money in the bank already, don’t bet on anything.
Prediction 1: New Years Eve kicks off with a pairing that I would have never predicted at the beginning of the season. I grew up watching Boise State’s rise to prominence, and who could forget the trick play game against Oklahoma? However, I just don’t think a Mountain West conference team deserves a bye, and the spread line of (-11) Penn State would indicate that. Happy valley will be happier by midnight, but only straight up, this one could be as Lee Corso used to say: “closer than the experts predict.”
Prediction 2: You can make a lot of hay betting against Texas to cover, but as we look to the new year I will try to embrace SEC arrogance and pick Texas (-12.5) to turn over a new leaf. It’s not out of a preponderance of evidence that I think Texas can run away with this wildly, but a reflection on how little I think of the Big 12. How Arizona State is a four seed will be looked at with questions about the playoff format, as the second team with a bye goes bye-bye. Texas covered in peaches instead of sour grapes.
Prediction 3: Old guard college football fans should see a lot of tradition in a matchup between Ohio State and Oregon at the Rose Bowl. After the first game earlier in the season at Oregon, many thought we might see this pairing again, and it’s suitable that the Rose Bowl is the venue for what could be the ‘real national title game.’ I trust that Will Howard has trained his knee to get down to the ground in a timely fashion since the first game, and the Buckeyes win straight up.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday, enjoy the games and eat as much bad food as you want. For the fourth playoff game, I don’t feel strongly about one side or the other, but Notre Dame is 0-3 all time against Georgia and I don’t think that record will improve for them. Notre Dame has been a playoff pretender since there has been a playoff. Enjoy the games and don’t forget about your family members, they need bad food too.
College Football Idiot Savant Playoff Week 1
Seasons greetings to all of the fine people who read and to the degenerate gamblers alike. Deck the halls it’s time for fa la la la football! Liveforthepage limped out of the pre-playoff season 1-2 to end up at 21-19 for the year so far. It’s seasons like this, with around a .500 record that I am thankful for all the food that is in my fridge because I only bet on a few of these. Oh look, there’s some college beer in the fridge, let’s make some bold assertions.
Prediction 1: Ohio State similarly limps into the postseason this year at home against Tennessee. Word on campus is that Tennessee fans have bought 30% of the tickets already, and that should irk Buckeye nation. Pro tip: If you are one of the numerous Buckeye fans from whom I’ve heard calls nonstop for SEC teams to play in the cold, and they put a shiner on Ohio State when it’s 25 degrees outside at the shoe, I don’t need to hear your opinion anymore. Ohio State wins, straight up.
Prediction 2: I may have jumped the gun on my stations of the cross bonus coverage a couple of weeks ago, but leave no doubt I will be picking Clemson to fall for the fourth time from here on out. My second prediction will be Dabo falls again until he does. Call me a loon, but I don’t ever want to see a good religious tradition like college football brought down by the likes of an ultra Christian program at a public university. Dabo falls a fourth time, breaking Jesus’ longstanding record.
Prediction 3: First 12 team playoff sees an Indiana Darby in the first round. The good news is, one of the Indiana teams will be out, we all need that. Indiana (+7.5) is the good bet here, but ultimately Notre Dame will win. Indiana is a great story, but they played one ranked opponent this season and they don’t have the acumen for the moment. Golden domes dispatch decorated in state Hoosiers straight up.
Join us weekly during the playoff for more college football expert analysis and absurdity. I am only biased toward one of the twelve teams involved, which the bean counters say gives me an 83% objective opinion. This would put me right in that 99th percentile of Buckeye fans, so you know I’m speaking rationally, the fact that I haven’t called for Ryan Day’s job yet alone puts me above the 90th. But seriously, get yer ya-yas out, we have been waiting for this playoff format for twenty years since the BCS and beyond, and it’s here.
Why You Need Jimmy Stewart This Christmas
If you’re a compassionate person who cares about humanity, you might be in a panic right now like I am. All I can do is point you in the right direction for distraction from the dizzying reality we are about to face. While you’re contemplating the relatives and which ones you can or can’t talk with, remember that the holidays are a time for the people you love. If they don’t reciprocate, it is not your responsibility to fix them.
There will be debate if I say, ‘Best Christmas Movie.’ I am trying to avoid that. I only want you to consider the movie of my family this holiday season. The 1946 classic, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ was an illustration of the values that were instilled in me as a person from my too lucky birth to two school teachers.
The story starts out with the images of Christianity, but not with specificity. ‘God’ making a bargain with an angel short of status. I’ll play along because of how good the journey is, but this movie doesn’t really have a lot of religion in it thankfully if you just accept the angel being part of the plot. I like George Bailey, and if you don’t, you may as well stop reading, you don’t care about your neighbors.
I, like George Bailey wanted to travel to great places, not the reflexive instinct to, ‘give up’ and settle in a small town. This of course falls apart when he meets the love of his life and dances like he has no enemies. “Why don’t you kiss her instead of talking her to death!” This results in the most penthouse letters parody Hollywood could get away with in the forties. George of course does the right thing in the end.
This is where the movie takes a sharp turn, the narrative conflicts really begin, and George meets that fated angel to go through arguably the most recognizable plot device ever of showing George what Bedford Falls would look like if he had never been born.
For me, at multiple points in the movie, it’s a Mike Tyson punch to the tear ducts. I cry at a lot of good movies, doing my part to live out the Jim Valvano ESPYs speech as often as I can. You laugh, you think, you cry, that’s a full day. Have a full day this holiday season everyone.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 15
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, Ohio State needs to stop using that White Stripes song for kickoffs, Jack White is from Michigan and it couldn’t have helped. The Buckeyes didn’t quite get it done last weekend, and that drags the site down to 20-17, looking to stay above .500 with some championship week picks. We will be taking a break until the playoff, but rest assured the last shot hasn’t been fired yet from Columbus.
Prediction 1: All of the pitchforks and torches have gathered in Atlanta this weekend for a race rally…excuse me, for the SEC championship game. It has come to my attention that Mercedes Benz Stadium will not allow Texas’ mascot longhorn into the stadium for the game. This seems entirely reasonable, because it’s a giant animal and this is a neutral site game, only two kinds come from Texas, people with assault rifles and F-150s, and animals with large horns. Texas to win close straight up.
Prediction 2: The Big Ten championship seems like a shell of the game it was going to be before that Michigan mishap. Oregon at (-3.5) seems favorable for a cover to me, if for no other reason than because it took the, ‘we are Penn State’ people too long to take that Paterno statue down. Oregon is the better team, Penn State is just not the third best team team in the country, they are barely the third best available in the Big Ten. This week Oregon covers to make me feel like the way David Bowie covers do: excellent.
Prediction 3: In our cultural championship game, we see two ACC schools I immediately want to pan like a Dr. Oz infomercial. SMU and Clemson definitely qualifies for the, ‘rooting for the meteor’ designation. I can’t say anything positive about SMU, except that they have the opportunity to make Dabo fall for an unprecedented 4th time. That’s right, they pulled him down off the cross so they could knock him to the ground for one more bonus station. SMU (-2) wins straight up.
Liveforthepage will be off the college football beat until the playoff, but expect to hear something from us before then. It has been wonderful running through the gauntlet of the college football regular season with you, and I’m excited for the playoff. If I hear one more person call for Ryan Day’s job before the end of the season, I’ll go to Bob Dylan, “Let’s stop talkin’ falsely now, the hour’s getting late.”
College Football Idiot Savant Week 14
When Tom Petty was talking about those Indiana boys on those Indiana nights, he wasn’t talking about those Indiana boys that got their asses kicked in Columbus last weekend! I digress, but I know we have to keep it on the up and up here at liveforthepage, so let the objectivity flow through you in this Xichigan week post. That team up north will rue the hour they got onto I-75 this week.
Prediction 1: Will Howard stumbled in an interview this week, uttering the word: Michigan, then quickly correcting himself, saying he meant, ‘that team up north.’ He will not stumble, nor need to correct himself much more this week as the Buckeyes roll to 500 yards of total offense in their sleep. In the end it’s not about if, but about who gets the stats. Buckeye bonanza.
Prediction 2: I know I’m making the same prediction as last week, and they didn’t quite make it, but let’s just say there is going to be some clock to run out in this matchup, and Henderson and Judkins trade slashing runs to get to 150 combined. This is going to be so enjoyable to watch, don’t play any drinking games with the rushing this week, or you will be a goner early. Ground and pound, scarlet and gray.
Prediction 3: Its been a long time coming, and if I ask Siri, she tells me it’s been 1,826 days since Ohio State last beat Xichigan. Ryan Day gets to wipe away 3 years of gloom with a blowout performance that you degenerate gamblers can comfortably count on a cover here. It has been bet down to (-19) Ohio State, but that’s just rivalry garnish being added to a nervous line that will be obliterated by the scarlet and gray. The buckeyes cover with leftovers befitting a thanksgiving weekend.
I went 1-2 with some aggressive picks last week bringing the season total to 20-14. I am doubling down, and in the spirit of Woody Hayes, I hope we go for 2 at a nonsensical point in the game to drive the point home. Xichigan is coming to the shoe this weekend with nothing, and they will leave with nothing. Let this Saturday be your escape from election drama, and enjoy one of the greatest state institutions on the planet putting on a show. As an Ohio tax payer, as a lifelong fan, as a human being who believes in this team, this is the beginning. We won the first 4 team playoff, we will win the first 12 team playoff….just O…fuckin’…H!
College Football Idiot Savant Week 13
With each passing week that I go 1-2, it makes me ever the more thankful that only pride was lost and not rent money. Liveforthepage stands at 19-12 for the year with another special edition this week as another top 5 opponent faces off with the buckeyes. Indiana comes to Columbus this week, well, as long as they are able to navigate the Indiana pothole circus from Bloomington to the Ohio border anyway.
Prediction 1: Weather conditions look to be cloudy in the mid 40s with some wind, what midwesterners often call, ‘football weather’ and shouldn’t hamper the better football team. It’s the perfect kind of weather to have 2 top tier running backs, and that is what the buckeyes will have to focus on early to keep Indiana’s pressure off the quarterback. When I say, ‘better football team’ I mean to say the weather won’t stop the buckeyes from 500 yards of total offense and neither will Indiana. Hoosier daddy?
Prediction 2: If a Big Ten team owns the line of scrimmage, the game can get out of hand fast. With a bevy of injuries to the offensive line this season, we will see here early on a tone being set in the running game by the buckeyes. Judkins and Henderson will combine for 150 rushing yards, if they don’t, this could be a coin flip game. As a high caliber athlete you come to Ohio State for weeks like this, and the scarlet and gray backfield will shine.
Prediction 3: In some ways the buckeyes are playing for their season on Saturday. Indiana is a good football team, but in no universe the fifth best in the country. A loss however would likely mean missing the Big Ten Championship and waiting on pins and needles for a reputational playoff spot. It stands at (-10.5) for Ohio State and I’m sorry, if you don’t cover against Indiana football with this multimillion dollar roster you don’t deserve a spot. Buckeyes cover, scaffolding for Big Noon kickoff’s set stays put for another week in Columbus.
My colleagues and I saw Kirk walking the oval with his dog this morning, and there is no doubt that the dog is the best part about him. Urban will also be on campus this weekend, so maybe they can both get together for food poisoning at his restaurant. The buckeyes turn the page from doubt this week, and with Kirk not on the call, it should be a great watch. Be sure to grab an extra layer if you’re heading to the horseshoe this weekend, and if you have a tee time on Saturday, you’re a hero to me.
liveforthepage 
Recent Comments