College Football Idiot Savant Week 12
Liveforthepage had a strong 2-1 run last week, with only the honor coders at BYU letting us down. We saw a Buckeye win with the successful Herbstreit pick of Purdue and the points, those are always hard needles to thread. There are a couple of marquee matchups in big boy college football this weekend so let’s let it ride for another week.
Prediction 1: #11 Oklahoma travels deep into their new conference territory to Tuscaloosa, where #4 Alabama (-6) looks to sure up its first berth in the new playoff format. Alabama have not yet made the playoff in the new expanded format, despite often being there when there were only four teams. I just wanted to point that out while it’s still true, however fleeting. In my mind Oklahoma isn’t going to delay the inevitable here, take Alabama to cover.
Prediction 2: The UCLA Bruins make their obligatory visit to Columbus for a shellacking per the Big Ten media agreement. This is the team that ended James Franklin, but Ohio State (-32.5) is not at risk here. That said, Ryan Day isn’t going to play to the spread number, just to dominate the game. For that reason, I again, regrettably revert to going with another Herbstreit pick. Take the Bruins and the points.
Prediction 3: When it comes to the blue bloods of college football over the last decade, Georgia is one, Texas wants to be one. #5 Georgia (-6) is only favored by a touchdown, to me that extra point gets you the cover here. Georgia has more NFL bodies and I don’t look at it with the glee that some do, but Arch Manning coming up small here is more of a probability than a possibility. Dawgs cover.
It was good to see the Rockets get a win over Miami in some mid week Maction, which ensures this alumni doesn’t lose any more money to their cause for the week. The Buckeye juggernaut clocks in for another snoozer, but there are some other intriguing matchups this weekend. #9 Notre Dame at #22 Pitt isn’t an impossible upset scenario and #21 Iowa at #17 USC should be a colorful display of new Big Ten football. Traffic in Grandview is a mess, but not on Buckeye game days. Head to Dewey’s Pizza on 5th at halftime for a great pie, Buck ID accepted.
Summary:
Alabama covers -6.
UCLA and the points +32.5
Georgia covers -6
Record: 25-13-2
College Football Idiot Savant Week 11
Win, loss and push was not what I was hoping for with last week’s picks, but that’s gambling. Credit to Vandy for keeping in close enough for the push against a traditional powerhouse, and props to the Buckeyes for leaving no doubt against Penn State. I saw there were rumblings about making certain prop bets illegal, which makes sense considering the rampant opportunities for abuse, so get your silly ones in while you can.
Prediction 1: The long distance dedication pick of the week comes from all the honor code followers at #7 Brigham Young University. They would like this one to go out to all their unloved girlfriends who, in their hearts, wish they were dating men from #8 Texas Tech (-10). The Cougars are getting ten points as a top ten team, and this could turn into a blowout, but I’m going Casey Kasem on this one: BYU and the points.
Prediction 2: I never expected Missouri to come up in the picks this frequently when we started the season, but I’ve got one reference left. #3 Texas A&M (-6.5) will visit #22 Missouri on Saturday and they will cover nonchalant style. The real best thing to ever come out of Missouri is the 2010 coming of age drama, Winter’s Bone featuring our introduction to Jennifer Lawrence. Aggies cover.
Prediction 3: As the radio advertising in Columbus reiterates this week, Drew Brees no longer plays for Purdue, so there isn’t much to worry about this week. However, #1 Ohio State (-29.5) with nearly a thirty point spread is a little rich for my blood. I think the Buckeyes will systematically dismantle Purdue, but in their interest of preserving bodies and sportsmanship, it may not get to thirty. That’s not to say you won’t see some showmanship and skill in big plays, everybody should eat on Saturday, but take Purdue and the points.
Shout out to the Toledo Rockets getting back on track with a 42-3 win over Northern Illinois in some Wednesday Maction. The Rockets may not win the conference this year, but they always make me proud. Well, except for the various point shaving scandals throughout the years, but I digress. Enjoy the matchups this weekend, don’t get baited into picking an Iowa upset in Autzen, it ain’t happenin’. Get yourself some Black Dog Pizzeria this weekend to change things up, fantastic specialty pizza.
Summary:
BYU and the points +10
Texas A&M to cover -6.5
Purdue and the points +29.5
Record: 23-12-2
College Football Idiot Savant Week 9
Well I guess I should know better than to make a bet against the scarlet and gray, but 3-1 on the picks was a nice recovery. It’s nice to see teams like Notre Dame and Georgia barely cover to know there is more parity in the sport with NIL, and Toledo cover comfortably in bounce back fashion. The Buckeyes are resting this week but we have a bevy of ranked matchups to mull over. Remember, if you must bet more, put it on the team playing Michigan and forget parlays.
Prediction 1: Circle the wagons Sooners, this is an SEC game you joined the conference for. #8 Ole Miss travels to Norman to take on #14 Oklahoma (-5.5) in the new SEC. While the Sooners will enjoy the home field advantage, I see these teams as more evenly matched, and I really want another Lane Kiffin sound bite to remember from the post game presser. Take Ole Miss and the points.
Prediction 2: I recently asked #15 Missouri to, “Show Me” something as their state nickname implies, and they failed. This week they visit #10 Vanderbilt (-2.5) and I don’t have any more confidence that something great is going to come out of Missouri. Vanderbilt is the far better storyline this year, and with this basically being a pick-em game, I’m going with the academic school that’s giving up points. Vandy to cover.
Prediction 3: In our deep fried, big bucket, double bypass game of the week, the Aggies of #3 Texas A&M (-2.5) head down to Baton Rouge to take on #20 LSU. The thing you have to ask yourself with this matchup is this: Do I take a better team on the road to knock Brian Kelly out of the rankings for the price of less than a field goal? The answer is yes, allow the viewing of Kelly’s anguish to make your Saturday night more enjoyable. Texas A&M to cover.
In all that SEC talk, I didn’t forget about those in midnight blue who hail from fair Toledo. They go across the country to face a Washington State (-1.5) team that isn’t ready for Tucker Gleason. He threw four touchdowns and no interceptions last week in a rout, and it would be foolish to think he can’t engineer another victory. Here in Columbus Tommy’s remains the tailgate option of choice, stay classy and get your mind right for next week.
Summary:
Ole Miss and the points +5.5
Vanderbilt to cover -2.5
Texas A&M to cover -2.5
Toledo and the points +1.5
Record: 19-10-1
College Football Idiot Savant Week 8
It’s betting weeks like the last one that make you appreciate being a Buckeye fan. It’s betting weeks like the last one that I see them rolling in cover fashion to the tune of Whitesnake’s, “Here I Go Again.” They certainly walk on the lonely street of dreams, and although I went 1-2-1 last week, my resolve is not broken. There is still nothing good to report out of Missouri with that push, and it looks like I need more Indiana material. Tip of the cap to Eddie George’s Falcons and Pudge, we will see you next year at The Glass Bowl.
Prediction 1: It’s not out of nostalgia for the College Gameday show that I say it’s fallen. It’s because for some reason Disney is paying Pat McAfee and Desmond Howard to be the most unwatchable couple of blowhards I’ve ever seen on a sports broadcast. That said, they will be in Athens for #5 Ole Miss at #9 Georgia (-7.5) where I just have to go with the blue blood program and the NFL bodies on the Bulldogs roster. Georgia covers, but I would be interested to see what Lane Kiffin says afterward if they were to pull this off.
Prediction 2: Before you say I’ve gone Herbstreit, I didn’t throw for five touchdowns and eleven interceptions in my career at Ohio State. #1 Ohio State (-25.5) takes on the Badgers of Wisconsin at Camp Randall Stadium and twenty five and a half points is simply too much. Wisconsin will jump around at the end of the third, the Buckeyes will jump around at the end, and you can jump around the corner to the bank with Wisconsin and the points.
Prediction 3: I have a cynical theory. As much as I think the playoff committee tries to put together a good bracket, history tells us that Notre Dame (-9.5) will be the first three loss team to make the playoff. There has not been a more consistently overrated and undeserving team in my lifetime than the golden domers. That said, USC doesn’t play any defense, and Notre Dame should cover this week in the Colosseum.
I didn’t forget about you Rockets (-26.5), I’m looking forward to a bounce back blowout against Kent State at The Glass Bowl. Tucker Gleason is still on the roster, he went to his engineering classes this week, and he wants to party behind engineering Saturday night. Also, in my tradition of rooting with my heart against my bets, let me just say Trojans, “Fight On!”
Summary:
Georgia covers -7.5
Wisconsin and the points +25.5
Notre Dame to cover -9.5
Toledo covers -26.5
Record: 16-9-1
College Football Idiot Savant Week 7
Last week saw the top ranked Buckeyes continue to The Cars’ hit, “Let the Good Times Roll” at home and Alabama survive to improbably cover against Vanderbilt. While it may not be a rivalry week for the big matchups this time, what can’t be understated is The Battle of I-75 taking place at high noon on Saturday. The Toledo Rockets (-10.5) make their way a few miles south to take on the Bowling Green Falcons led by their locker room cat Pudge. Honestly the cat is a nice gimmick, but Pudge isn’t even that cute, must be a Bowling Green graduate.
Prediction 1: #1 Ohio State (-15.5) travels to Champaign to take on #17 Illinois, who will take one last swing at legitimacy after giving up 63 points to Indiana. I don’t love this bet, it’s a lot of points to give up as an away side, but the Buckeyes are about to go into a three game stretch in the Big Ten that can’t be overlooked. Illinois, Wisconsin and Penn State would be a great run to go on for this team, and they have the competence to play it well, Buckeyes cover.
Prediction 2: I’m not going to celebrate going undefeated in the pics last week, because #8 Alabama’s (-3) cover was a gift. That said, #14 Missouri hosts them this week, and what’s the last great thing you heard about coming out of Missouri? Maybe it will be an upset from the Tigers, although I think it says a lot about Alabama’s decline that this is a three point line. Take the hungry home Missouri and the points, Alabama isn’t what it used to be.
Prediction 3: The recently ascendant #3 Oregon Ducks (-7.5) fly to Bloomington to face undefeated #7 Indiana in a new look Big Ten spectacle. I have expressed my distaste for the state of Indiana on several occasions, but since they deserve it, I’ll do it again. What could compel a person to grow up in Indiana and cause them to stay? The only acceptable answer should be a prison sentence, which is not entirely dissimilar from being on the outside in the state. Oregon rides the jet stream for a top ten cover.
Expect the Rockets to avenge last year’s home loss at The Glass Bowl with a cover. Tucker Gleason has got something up his sleeve tattoo for the Falcons this year and he can sling it. The University of Toledo has a rocket outside their stadium that is pointed to land at Bowling Green’s fifty yard line. In my 15 years as a Toledo alumni, I have never heard about the equivalent on their campus, some schools want it more.
Summary:
Ohio State covers -15.5
Missouri and the points +3
Oregon covers -7.5
Toledo covers -10.5
Record 15-7
College Football Idiot Savant Week 6
Well Husky Stadium was no match for the Buckeyes, and they should have played Bachman Turner Overdrive’s, “Takin’ Care of Business” on QFM afterward. Penn State still can’t win a big one, and I’m beginning to think the whiteout is just to pump up t-shirt sales. Let’s get ready for another exciting week, and make some Ben Franklins (Always remember to gamble responsibly).
Prediction 1: The deep fried, big bucket game of the week sees #16 Vanderbilt travel to Tuscaloosa to bring an offering of grits and brain cells to a city bereft of one of those things. #10 Alabama (-10.5) looks to avenge one of the worst defeats in their history from last season against the Commodores. Frankly if they can’t cover against Vanderbilt, you don’t need to bet on them the rest of the season. It took Michigan 7 years to schedule Appalachian State after that debacle, but then they beat them 52-14. Alabama covers, hopes Neil Young will remember.
Prediction 2: If you asked Buckeye fans what they wanted most at the beginning of the season, it probably would have been to beat Michigan. Close on the list however would have been a big night game at the shoe. Instead, #1 Ohio State (-23.5) gets Minnesota at the 7:30 PM time slot, with a spread that’s not attractive to me. However, Minnesota struggled with Rutgers last weekend, Ohio State has Jeremiah Smith, as well as a host of offensive players that can allow you to cover on a lit up national broadcast.
Prediction 3: There is only one title contender playing in the state of Florida this week, and that is #3 Miami (-4.5) who is traveling to #18 Florida State. This matchup always makes me remember an animated Lee Corso on College Gameday shouting, “Wide right!” Of course a reference to the three heartbreaking wide right misses of Florida State kickers against Miami. The best part about this game for Florida State fans will be the pregame traditions, Miami covers.
This week sees the Rockets resting after an impressive cover against Akron I should have pulled the trigger on. With next weekend being The Battle of I-75 in third world Wood County, they should be prepared for the task at hand. I don’t want to be overly sensational, but if Vanderbilt wins, expect a themed week for the picks next time. The college football playoff doesn’t need Alabama around anyhow.
Summary:
Alabama covers -10.5
Ohio State covers -23.5
Miami covers -4.5
Record: 12-7
College Football Idiot Savant Week 5
It’s only been four weeks of college football, but I feel like we have all had some great entertainment so far. Liveforthepage locked in a 3-1 week against the spread last weekend, special thanks to Oklahoma’s defense for that late safety. The Rockets had a let down they can learn from and despite only four weeks passing, Dabo has fallen for the third time. In traditional mythology, it’s usually not until ninth station that the third fall takes place, so it’s been a banner year already.
Prediction 1: They say, “don’t bury the lead” so this week I won’t. The #6 Oregon Ducks fly into Happy Valley this week to take on #3 Penn State (-3.5) in the new age Big Ten. I recently drove through Erie, Pennsylvania and I have to say that it’s a bit misleading. I know it’s not October yet, but the eerie part of Pennsylvania is the white out game in State College. That being said, three and a half points is a low number for a home team in this kind of environment. The Ducks score and soar over the Nittany Lions, take the points.
Prediction 2: The second big matchup of the week comes to us from the deep, deep fried south, as #17 Alabama visits #5 Georgia (-3). SEC country is going to be out in force for this one, probably with pre-game trash talk involving the opposing fans’ sisters. We do that in the north too, but in the opposite direction, we aren’t shit talking about how hot our sisters are. As for the clash on the field, look for a slim cover by Georgia and a good watch with a lot of NFL bodies on both sidelines.
Prediction 3: With the students having completed the bye week bar crawl last weekend, they are ready for a fresh Ohio State (-8.5) team to take on Washington out west. It has been bet down to eight and a half from a nearly two touchdown line when it came out, and I see value here. I like the Buckeyes to open the Big Ten schedule in convincing fashion, make yourself a delicious Washington apple and enjoy the cover.
There is a great slate of 3:30 games to check out as conference play begins in the Big Ten, but nothing else that I want to put a nickel on. #11 Indiana (-8.5) and Iowa get together to compare corn, and that should be closer than the spread. #4 LSU plays the road dog role against #13 Ole Miss (-1.5) in the, ‘hope for a meteor’ game of the week, seriously could Brian Kelly be more unlikable? No Rockets (-21) bet this week either as they pick up the pieces against Akron, and that’s too big of a line. Tommy’s Pizza remains Columbus’ best bet for game day grub, 161 opens at eleven, Lane Ave at noon.
Summary
Oregon and the points +3.5
Georgia covers -3
Ohio State covers -8.5
Record 10-6
Oasis Live ‘25 Toronto
Emily and I arrived at our hotel around 8 o’clock in the evening to the sound of planes and 97.7 FM, Toronto’s rock station. With the beautiful Niagara Falls in our rear view, the adventure had begun.
Downtown Toronto on a My Chemical Romance, Nine Inch Nails, Oasis weekend was a sight to see on its own. Not to mention their national exposition and some sort of cosplay event, there were characters everywhere. Emily navigated the city like she lived there, and if you can believe it, put up with me the whole time. We did the CN Tower and in the queue met a wonderful couple that was also there for the show. They asked if we had seen them before, I said I saw them with my dad when I was at the University of Toledo and jaws dropped. They live a mile from campus and his name was Justin, I’m not making this up. On the observation floor of CN Tower, Neil Young’s, “Rockin’ in the Free World” was playing.
After the tower, we did a tour on Lake Ontario on a former Amsterdam canal boat. We chatted with the captain who was an actor, and during the only radio portion of the tour, “Wonderwall” came on the speakers. After that, I closed the hotel bar (it closed at 11) with an affable British couple that were my parents age, Leeds United fans, and had Monday tickets. The bartender poured an unknown number of free Molsons for the lads, Oasis was in the air everywhere, Facebook friends were made.
Day of show we went to the pop-up merch shop where we killed two and half hours with five other fans in line that couldn’t have been better. We swapped stories, jokes, favorite songs and pondered upon which live version of, “Slide Away” was the best. The youngest of us was in a Manchester United jersey that he was bravely wearing to the show, so we talked soccer too. I didn’t see a single thread of Toronto FC gear on the entire trip, but just as we were the next people in line, I get a tap on my left shoulder. It was a Columbus Crew fan. We shared a, “Glory to Columbus” back and forth and he was on his way, not looking back in anger.
Then there was the main course, Oasis at the temporary stadium on an old airport runway. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Better than, “Goodfellas” or “The Big Lebowski.” Better than Foo Fighters or Weezer or the last time I saw them in 2008. Better than Tiger Woods winning another Masters, or any of Columbus’ three MLS Cups. Cage the Elephant was a good opener who became a great opener when they started to play, “Sweet Home Alabama” then abruptly stopped and the lead singer laughed. The moment it stopped there was silence, Emily instinctively states, “Oh, thank god.” People turned around to smile at us.
As 8:45 drew closer, Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World” played just before they came on stage. Thanks, Noel. All the swagger and joy washed over the 50,000 friends I just made. By the time they got through the second song, “Aquiesce” I felt the fees and surcharges were worth that alone, and it just kept going. “Cigarettes and Alcohol” was everything I thought it could be with a crowd that size, facing the wrong way, arms around shoulders singing the opening guitar riff and then jumping like Europeans.
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more English, during, “Stand By Me” it started to rain, Liam noted that they have rain in Manchester too. Later, when Noel was prompted by some in the front, exclaimed, “Did you just boo Manchester?” He then proceeded to tell the French in the audience he would see them next Tuesday. The rain was steady but no lightning, and the only way I was leaving the stadium was on a stretcher. Standing there in the rain that soaks you to the bone with the love of your life to hear, “Live Forever” can’t be beat.
The encore of, “The Masterplan”, “Don’t Look Back in Anger”, “Wonderwall” and “Champagne Supernova” is to encores what Ohio State is to five star athletes. They may have the best damn band in the land, but Oasis is the best damn band in the world.
The Sign Police
I was first made aware of the sign police when I was taking Comm-2000 at the University of Toledo with Dr. Tucker. I remember his name because on the day we did evaluations, he said make sure you mark that, “Tucker with a T.” I laughed at that one. He was an insightful professor who explained that the French Canadiens were so afraid of English hegemony that they enlisted a group of their police to make sure that every sign in Quebec, the French province of Canada, featured English and French in the same size. Can you imagine if they required that in the bedroom?
This absurdity is culturally unique, and so when I bought some white claws over the border they looked a little different.
Black cherry we all know of course, but, “Cerise Noire” loosely translates to: “The Maginot Line was merely a suggestion.” Do better Trump supporters, this is how you make fun of the French, not with that speaking German bullshit. The French wouldn’t speak that libel if it cost their lives, didn’t you see, “Casablanca?”
Let’s move on, ‘Natural Lime’ or as it’s known in the states, ‘Lime.’ This also has a translation as well for the French impaired:
Lime Naturelle refers to when you think that your language is so beautiful and artsy that you can’t just say, ‘Lime.’ Did you know that the Mona Lisa is around the same size as your margarita glass? More Lime, less smile.
Okay, we all see where this is going, Ruby grapefruit. They are trying their damndest to make this wine. Rose? Pamplemousse? Clearly this is a reference to a moose that Napoleon saw. You know what that moose didn’t say? “Hey Napoleon, Russia’s pretty good at defending in the winter.”
Mango…What to do, what to do…This one was clearly to fuck with us. They wanted me to get in the gutter but I’m taking the high road. Mangue is a stand in for Jean Luc Goddard’s air quotes ‘masterpiece’, Breathless. That was clearly not a film of any consequence. Frankly I don’t even know why they have a film festival.
We laugh at the sign police because French Canadiens want to be just as pretentious as the regular French. Let them. It’s their country, they have a right as a western democracy that elects their representatives to vote their way to French annoyance.
Similarly, we should remember, that despite also being a western democracy that elects our leaders, we can’t support each other. We elect our leaders to divide who gets healthcare rather than making it universal. We elect politicians who have committee seats that film their social media piece, and then walk out of the chamber as their position is eviscerated by the witness they just berated with nonsense. Canada doesn’t have a Marjorie Taylor Greene, no province is that stupid.
Canada fought fascism with us when it became too much for the world to take. On the beaches of Normandy, and retaking Europe. (Including the French resistance) For Christ’s sake Canada sent troops with us to Afghanistan, that’s your best friend carrying you home from the bar. I was on the golf course recently with an Ohioan who referred to Canadian Neil Young as a, “libtard.” and I thought, just like me.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 0
The leaves in Columbus haven’t turned yet, and I won’t wax poetic about the fall weather, what fall really means in the Midwest is football. This year your favorite college football idiot is back for more punishment; hopefully not from my bookie. Join liveforthepage for weekly analysis, poor betting advice, and general silliness about the sport that this city forces us to love.
In that vein, it is yet another season for your national championship defending Ohio State Buckeyes. While there is uncertainty at quarterback going into week one, I’m going to guess that the Buckeyes have enough guys that will play on Sundays to overcome it. More on the scarlet and gray next week, and I hope to check in with OSU super fan Zach at least once this season for his takes.
Prediction 1: This weeks’ matchup between the Kansas State Wildcats and the Iowa State Cyclones has me pondering pregame food more than the matchup. If you are attending a kickoff party for this game and want to make an impression, bring bangers and mash as an appetizer, that’s a win for you. The fact that it’s being played in Ireland is the most interesting thing about this game to me, so enjoy the fanfare. Props to Aer Lingus for sponsoring the event, took one of their flights to Amsterdam with my dad and Heineken was a free beverage option, that’s another win. There is no home team, go chalk all the way with KSU (-3) to cover.
Check back next Friday for more insightful commentary on the college football season, as always from your favorite fair and balanced Buckeye fan.
Summary: KSU (-3) to cover.
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