College Football Idiot Savant Week 6
Well Husky Stadium was no match for the Buckeyes, and they should have played Bachman Turner Overdrive’s, “Takin’ Care of Business” on QFM afterward. Penn State still can’t win a big one, and I’m beginning to think the whiteout is just to pump up t-shirt sales. Let’s get ready for another exciting week, and make some Ben Franklins (Always remember to gamble responsibly).
Prediction 1: The deep fried, big bucket game of the week sees #16 Vanderbilt travel to Tuscaloosa to bring an offering of grits and brain cells to a city bereft of one of those things. #10 Alabama (-10.5) looks to avenge one of the worst defeats in their history from last season against the Commodores. Frankly if they can’t cover against Vanderbilt, you don’t need to bet on them the rest of the season. It took Michigan 7 years to schedule Appalachian State after that debacle, but then they beat them 52-14. Alabama covers, hopes Neil Young will remember.
Prediction 2: If you asked Buckeye fans what they wanted most at the beginning of the season, it probably would have been to beat Michigan. Close on the list however would have been a big night game at the shoe. Instead, #1 Ohio State (-23.5) gets Minnesota at the 7:30 PM time slot, with a spread that’s not attractive to me. However, Minnesota struggled with Rutgers last weekend, Ohio State has Jeremiah Smith, as well as a host of offensive players that can allow you to cover on a lit up national broadcast.
Prediction 3: There is only one title contender playing in the state of Florida this week, and that is #3 Miami (-4.5) who is traveling to #18 Florida State. This matchup always makes me remember an animated Lee Corso on College Gameday shouting, “Wide right!” Of course a reference to the three heartbreaking wide right misses of Florida State kickers against Miami. The best part about this game for Florida State fans will be the pregame traditions, Miami covers.
This week sees the Rockets resting after an impressive cover against Akron I should have pulled the trigger on. With next weekend being The Battle of I-75 in third world Wood County, they should be prepared for the task at hand. I don’t want to be overly sensational, but if Vanderbilt wins, expect a themed week for the picks next time. The college football playoff doesn’t need Alabama around anyhow.
Summary:
Alabama covers -10.5
Ohio State covers -23.5
Miami covers -4.5
Record: 12-7
College Football Idiot Savant Week 5
It’s only been four weeks of college football, but I feel like we have all had some great entertainment so far. Liveforthepage locked in a 3-1 week against the spread last weekend, special thanks to Oklahoma’s defense for that late safety. The Rockets had a let down they can learn from and despite only four weeks passing, Dabo has fallen for the third time. In traditional mythology, it’s usually not until ninth station that the third fall takes place, so it’s been a banner year already.
Prediction 1: They say, “don’t bury the lead” so this week I won’t. The #6 Oregon Ducks fly into Happy Valley this week to take on #3 Penn State (-3.5) in the new age Big Ten. I recently drove through Erie, Pennsylvania and I have to say that it’s a bit misleading. I know it’s not October yet, but the eerie part of Pennsylvania is the white out game in State College. That being said, three and a half points is a low number for a home team in this kind of environment. The Ducks score and soar over the Nittany Lions, take the points.
Prediction 2: The second big matchup of the week comes to us from the deep, deep fried south, as #17 Alabama visits #5 Georgia (-3). SEC country is going to be out in force for this one, probably with pre-game trash talk involving the opposing fans’ sisters. We do that in the north too, but in the opposite direction, we aren’t shit talking about how hot our sisters are. As for the clash on the field, look for a slim cover by Georgia and a good watch with a lot of NFL bodies on both sidelines.
Prediction 3: With the students having completed the bye week bar crawl last weekend, they are ready for a fresh Ohio State (-8.5) team to take on Washington out west. It has been bet down to eight and a half from a nearly two touchdown line when it came out, and I see value here. I like the Buckeyes to open the Big Ten schedule in convincing fashion, make yourself a delicious Washington apple and enjoy the cover.
There is a great slate of 3:30 games to check out as conference play begins in the Big Ten, but nothing else that I want to put a nickel on. #11 Indiana (-8.5) and Iowa get together to compare corn, and that should be closer than the spread. #4 LSU plays the road dog role against #13 Ole Miss (-1.5) in the, ‘hope for a meteor’ game of the week, seriously could Brian Kelly be more unlikable? No Rockets (-21) bet this week either as they pick up the pieces against Akron, and that’s too big of a line. Tommy’s Pizza remains Columbus’ best bet for game day grub, 161 opens at eleven, Lane Ave at noon.
Summary
Oregon and the points +3.5
Georgia covers -3
Ohio State covers -8.5
Record 10-6
Oasis Live ‘25 Toronto
Emily and I arrived at our hotel around 8 o’clock in the evening to the sound of planes and 97.7 FM, Toronto’s rock station. With the beautiful Niagara Falls in our rear view, the adventure had begun.
Downtown Toronto on a My Chemical Romance, Nine Inch Nails, Oasis weekend was a sight to see on its own. Not to mention their national exposition and some sort of cosplay event, there were characters everywhere. Emily navigated the city like she lived there, and if you can believe it, put up with me the whole time. We did the CN Tower and in the queue met a wonderful couple that was also there for the show. They asked if we had seen them before, I said I saw them with my dad when I was at the University of Toledo and jaws dropped. They live a mile from campus and his name was Justin, I’m not making this up. On the observation floor of CN Tower, Neil Young’s, “Rockin’ in the Free World” was playing.
After the tower, we did a tour on Lake Ontario on a former Amsterdam canal boat. We chatted with the captain who was an actor, and during the only radio portion of the tour, “Wonderwall” came on the speakers. After that, I closed the hotel bar (it closed at 11) with an affable British couple that were my parents age, Leeds United fans, and had Monday tickets. The bartender poured an unknown number of free Molsons for the lads, Oasis was in the air everywhere, Facebook friends were made.
Day of show we went to the pop-up merch shop where we killed two and half hours with five other fans in line that couldn’t have been better. We swapped stories, jokes, favorite songs and pondered upon which live version of, “Slide Away” was the best. The youngest of us was in a Manchester United jersey that he was bravely wearing to the show, so we talked soccer too. I didn’t see a single thread of Toronto FC gear on the entire trip, but just as we were the next people in line, I get a tap on my left shoulder. It was a Columbus Crew fan. We shared a, “Glory to Columbus” back and forth and he was on his way, not looking back in anger.
Then there was the main course, Oasis at the temporary stadium on an old airport runway. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Better than, “Goodfellas” or “The Big Lebowski.” Better than Foo Fighters or Weezer or the last time I saw them in 2008. Better than Tiger Woods winning another Masters, or any of Columbus’ three MLS Cups. Cage the Elephant was a good opener who became a great opener when they started to play, “Sweet Home Alabama” then abruptly stopped and the lead singer laughed. The moment it stopped there was silence, Emily instinctively states, “Oh, thank god.” People turned around to smile at us.
As 8:45 drew closer, Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World” played just before they came on stage. Thanks, Noel. All the swagger and joy washed over the 50,000 friends I just made. By the time they got through the second song, “Aquiesce” I felt the fees and surcharges were worth that alone, and it just kept going. “Cigarettes and Alcohol” was everything I thought it could be with a crowd that size, facing the wrong way, arms around shoulders singing the opening guitar riff and then jumping like Europeans.
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any more English, during, “Stand By Me” it started to rain, Liam noted that they have rain in Manchester too. Later, when Noel was prompted by some in the front, exclaimed, “Did you just boo Manchester?” He then proceeded to tell the French in the audience he would see them next Tuesday. The rain was steady but no lightning, and the only way I was leaving the stadium was on a stretcher. Standing there in the rain that soaks you to the bone with the love of your life to hear, “Live Forever” can’t be beat.
The encore of, “The Masterplan”, “Don’t Look Back in Anger”, “Wonderwall” and “Champagne Supernova” is to encores what Ohio State is to five star athletes. They may have the best damn band in the land, but Oasis is the best damn band in the world.
The Sign Police
I was first made aware of the sign police when I was taking Comm-2000 at the University of Toledo with Dr. Tucker. I remember his name because on the day we did evaluations, he said make sure you mark that, “Tucker with a T.” I laughed at that one. He was an insightful professor who explained that the French Canadiens were so afraid of English hegemony that they enlisted a group of their police to make sure that every sign in Quebec, the French province of Canada, featured English and French in the same size. Can you imagine if they required that in the bedroom?
This absurdity is culturally unique, and so when I bought some white claws over the border they looked a little different.
Black cherry we all know of course, but, “Cerise Noire” loosely translates to: “The Maginot Line was merely a suggestion.” Do better Trump supporters, this is how you make fun of the French, not with that speaking German bullshit. The French wouldn’t speak that libel if it cost their lives, didn’t you see, “Casablanca?”
Let’s move on, ‘Natural Lime’ or as it’s known in the states, ‘Lime.’ This also has a translation as well for the French impaired:
Lime Naturelle refers to when you think that your language is so beautiful and artsy that you can’t just say, ‘Lime.’ Did you know that the Mona Lisa is around the same size as your margarita glass? More Lime, less smile.
Okay, we all see where this is going, Ruby grapefruit. They are trying their damndest to make this wine. Rose? Pamplemousse? Clearly this is a reference to a moose that Napoleon saw. You know what that moose didn’t say? “Hey Napoleon, Russia’s pretty good at defending in the winter.”
Mango…What to do, what to do…This one was clearly to fuck with us. They wanted me to get in the gutter but I’m taking the high road. Mangue is a stand in for Jean Luc Goddard’s air quotes ‘masterpiece’, Breathless. That was clearly not a film of any consequence. Frankly I don’t even know why they have a film festival.
We laugh at the sign police because French Canadiens want to be just as pretentious as the regular French. Let them. It’s their country, they have a right as a western democracy that elects their representatives to vote their way to French annoyance.
Similarly, we should remember, that despite also being a western democracy that elects our leaders, we can’t support each other. We elect our leaders to divide who gets healthcare rather than making it universal. We elect politicians who have committee seats that film their social media piece, and then walk out of the chamber as their position is eviscerated by the witness they just berated with nonsense. Canada doesn’t have a Marjorie Taylor Greene, no province is that stupid.
Canada fought fascism with us when it became too much for the world to take. On the beaches of Normandy, and retaking Europe. (Including the French resistance) For Christ’s sake Canada sent troops with us to Afghanistan, that’s your best friend carrying you home from the bar. I was on the golf course recently with an Ohioan who referred to Canadian Neil Young as a, “libtard.” and I thought, just like me.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 0
The leaves in Columbus haven’t turned yet, and I won’t wax poetic about the fall weather, what fall really means in the Midwest is football. This year your favorite college football idiot is back for more punishment; hopefully not from my bookie. Join liveforthepage for weekly analysis, poor betting advice, and general silliness about the sport that this city forces us to love.
In that vein, it is yet another season for your national championship defending Ohio State Buckeyes. While there is uncertainty at quarterback going into week one, I’m going to guess that the Buckeyes have enough guys that will play on Sundays to overcome it. More on the scarlet and gray next week, and I hope to check in with OSU super fan Zach at least once this season for his takes.
Prediction 1: This weeks’ matchup between the Kansas State Wildcats and the Iowa State Cyclones has me pondering pregame food more than the matchup. If you are attending a kickoff party for this game and want to make an impression, bring bangers and mash as an appetizer, that’s a win for you. The fact that it’s being played in Ireland is the most interesting thing about this game to me, so enjoy the fanfare. Props to Aer Lingus for sponsoring the event, took one of their flights to Amsterdam with my dad and Heineken was a free beverage option, that’s another win. There is no home team, go chalk all the way with KSU (-3) to cover.
Check back next Friday for more insightful commentary on the college football season, as always from your favorite fair and balanced Buckeye fan.
Summary: KSU (-3) to cover.
It’s a Wonderful Life of Albums: Pinkerton
Weezer frontman Rivers Coumo is not a rock star, despite making some of the best rock music of my lifetime. His existence and overwhelming success is antithetical to the rock and roll lead singer aesthetic of bravado and charisma, and we should all celebrate it. My first concert was Kaiser Chiefs, Weezer and Foo Fighters in 2005, and while they were considered co-headliners, Foo Fighters was the rock show. If you compared Rivers to Dave Grohl that night, it would boggle the mind that they are in the same business. It’s exactly that lack of stage presence that makes Rivers honest, relatable, and authentic because he just couldn’t be bothered to fake it. The beautiful vulnerability expressed on 1996’s Pinkerton is a window into his world, and provides the clever comfort of knowing someone else is out there striking out with girls and feeling disillusioned.
Early reception to Pinkerton was not warm, although it would eventually go on to sell over a million copies in the decades that followed. As the follow up to the wildly successful debut of Weezer (The Blue Album), expectations of another fun pop friendly record were dashed. There wasn’t a, “Buddy Holly” on this album, but that’s not to say it didn’t have some stellar tracks. Artists sing about lost or unrequited love all the time, as they have through millennia, but few get as personal as Rivers gets for 34 minutes on Pinkerton.
The first single, “El Scorcho” finds Rivers pleading through the chorus about how similar he is to the love interest in question, and how they would be great together. Where it really turns up the emo to eleven with the bridge, “How stupid is it? For all I know you want me too, and maybe you just don’t know what to do, and maybe you’re scared to say: ‘I’m falling for you.’” It’s the conversation he’s had in his head for a week making its way into the song without a hint of editing to shield himself from the hurt. As a teenager I was thinking damn, that paralyzing fear that a beautiful woman will put you in exists for him too.
As he mentions at the beginning of, “El Scorcho” Rivers is into half Japanese girls. So how could he not have a song with lyrics that could span the Pacific, “Why are you so far away from me? I need help, and you’re way across the sea, I could never touch you, I think it would be wrong, I’ve got your letter, you’ve got my song.” “Across the Sea” is truly an intercontinental ballistic serenade, however it wasn’t just oceans but orientation that robbed Rivers of love as well. “Pink Triangle” describes him barking up the wrong tree with a lyrical treasure, “When I think I’ve found a good old fashioned girl, then she put me in my place, everyone’s a little queer, can’t she be a little straight?”
The Blue Album this is not. You won’t find pop hits similar to “Island in the Sun” or “Beverly Hills” on this album, but they played five songs from Pinkerton on their blue album 30th anniversary tour and all were highlights with that crowd. It’s also worth noting that this record is like the King James Bible to the emo genre, and while that’s not my cup of tea, you can see the origin story here. It makes you think, it makes you feel. I’m sure people who label themselves ‘alpha male’ everywhere belittle it, which these days is like a cattle prod for a listen.
It’s a Wonderful Life of Albums: Razorlight
When I started writing about some of the best albums I’ve heard from my lifetime, I wanted people to remember them again and listen or want to hear them for the first time. Since this one will be of the last from this era of the series, I was admittedly a little more self indulgent with this choice. That’s not to say it isn’t a great album, however Razorlight were more of a UK phenomenon. One college evening I was watching a show called London Live on YouTube when their self-titled second studio album from 2006 found me.
The album produced five singles in the UK, and never got much traction here in the states. UK number one, “America” struck me distinctly as I was deep in development as an Anglophile, for several reasons. It begins with a gentle clean guitar intro as Johnny Borrell begins to lament on the constant zeitgeist of the United States in his European consciousness, “There’s nothing on the TV, nothing on the radio that means that much to me. There’s nothing on the TV, nothing on the radio that I can believe in. All my life. Watching America.”
I could join Johnny and do another paragraph lamenting along with him about the America of the 2000s, but it’s the song that comes right after it that made me buy the album. “Before I Fall to Pieces” is a nearly perfect pop rock song from the era featuring an infectious guitar rhythm, and one of my favorite opening verses in song, “Oh, one more drink and then I’ll go, but there’s one more thing I’ve got to know. Does he take you places that I don’t? And what happened to the story that we wrote?” I know this is a song about a guy losing a girl and being pretty broken up about it, but the happy sounding major chords that form the song will only let you smile. It was love for a while.
I guess I was lucky that there were all these great guitar focused indie rock records around exactly when that’s what I was looking for. As I was learning guitar, there was a flurry of great stuff to play. Album opener, “In the Morning” is a flashbulb back in time for me to that point of college explorations, inspirations and possibilities. I spent a lot of nights going around the world musically without ever leaving my room. “Remember when you were young, you’d lose yourself? In the morning you know we won’t remember a thing. In the morning you know it’s gonna be alright.”
Razorlight received mixed reviews upon release, and it isn’t a best seller, but an honest feeling set to guitar. It suggests, “Who Needs Love” before four tracks later admitting, “I Can’t Stop This Feeling I’ve Got.” There is a transparency level that makes it feel real, a raw feeling from the songs that delve into of love and loss, and jangly guitars to join the party. Give these ten songs a chance, it clocks in at little more than a half hour and when, “Before I Fall to Pieces” comes on, it will hit you right in the feels.
It’s a Wonderful Life of Albums: Wasting Light
The Foo Fighters career of Dave Grohl has reach: across time, across mediums, across borders. When an artist reaches the zenith of their profession, some lose the drive that got them there and stagnate, others get lost in fame, Dave decided to tweak the bands’ sound and record an analog album in his garage. 2011’s Wasting Light was recorded entirely on tape, allowing for no digital editing or correction of the takes. The band also leans into a more raw sound, without neglecting to include a few melodic rock and roll gems along the way.
Lead single, “Rope” demonstrates what you can do in a band with three great guitarists. There is no shortage of six string on this banger. The chorus is classic Foo Fighters, distortion, big drums and Dave Grohl bellowing “Give me some rope I’m coming loose, I’m pulling for you now. Give me some hope I’m coming out my head, into the clear, when you go, I come loose.” Come for the riffs, stay for the lyrics, the second track puts this album into another gear to hit its apex and we’re along for the ride.
There are songs on later Foo Fighters albums that remind me of what they sounded like earlier in the discography and, “These Days” is one. “One of these days you will forget to hope and learn to fear” is uttered so prophetically, like many of the other lyrics in the song structure. There is a maturity to the song, and a weight of experience, almost like if 2002’s “Times Like These” grew up and got some seasoning. This evolution has happened several times for a band that has spanned four different decades, and if we’re lucky Dave will keep making music like this.
Determined not to let the record die with a whimper, Dave saves the best for last. As far as album enders go, “Walk” checks all the boxes. It’s a reflective glimpse at a life that has gone on long enough to have trials, tribulations, and something to say, “I think I lost my way, getting good at starting over, every time that I return.” Despite going through these challenges and heartbreaks, the bridge of, “Forever, whenever, I never wanna die” repeats to signal a future and to cue a fireworks display that is the end of the song.
With six singles and four Grammys to show, let’s just say Dave is doing more with his garage space than any of us. It was also a cool gimmick that the cd came with a small piece of recording tape that contained usually a single snare or guitar note, people enjoyed figuring out which song it came from. It will also forever be one of the Foo Fighters albums that features the late Taylor Hawkins manning Dave’s throne on the drum kit. Add to that, the band did a tour of several fans’ garages to promote the spirit of the album. More people that reach the summit should take a cue from Dave Grohl on what to do once there.
It’s a Wonderful Life of Albums: Room on Fire
Most sports fans are familiar with the term, “sophomore slump” to describe a player who excelled in their rookie season only to have numbers dip in the second. The Strokes were one of the most hyped bands of my lifetime after their iconic debut album Is This It? The electric guitar was back, rock music wasn’t dead, New York City is alive again amongst other hyperbole. The 2003 follow up Room on Fire keeps the formula of guitar utopia combined with Julian Casablanca’s reverse reverb vocals and just enough sleaze to make you feel alive.
It is difficult to describe, “Reptilia” without using the word guitargasm, because that’s what it is. Axe men Nick Valensi and Albert Hammond Jr provide perhaps the quintessential example of band’s sound, and the song was featured on both the Rock Band and Guitar Hero video game franchises. With over 600 million streams on Spotify, it is among their most popular and the pace of it is that of blissful loss of control, “I said, ‘Please don’t slow me down, if I’m going too fast. You’re in a strange part of our town.’”
The first single for the album, “12:51” will enter your ears and render your mind awash with youthful balm. The guitar hook is a lovably catchy bit of joy that mimics the vocals about the prospects of going out on Friday night after a lonely streak. The song is two and a half minutes of bliss, “We’d go and get forties, then we’ll go to some party, oh really, your folks are away now? Alright, I’m coming, I’ll be right there.” The song belongs on a playlist for a bad day, as it is sure to cheer up even the most jaded among us.
A documentary was made about the 2000s New York City music scene led by The Strokes, borrowing the title from one of this albums’ best tracks, “Meet Me in the Bathroom.” When you were a rock band with the edge The Strokes had, you almost needed a song about a bathroom hookup with a line this good, “We were just two friends in lust, and baby, that just don’t mean much. You trained me not to love, after you showed me what it was.” The lucid reflectiveness of that lyric will ring out for decades, long after the amplifiers are still.
If this album represents a sophomore slump, then my ears must be broken. Other highlights on the record include the opener, “What Ever Happened?” as well as single, “The End Has No End” but you can’t really can’t go wrong with any of them. If you loved the first effort from the band you are almost certain to enjoy this one. While it may not have the clout of the debut album, I come back to this one whenever I’m in a mood for upbeat guitar music by a great band. Sometimes there is no substitute for the youthful exuberance of the early albums of The Strokes, no matter your age.
It’s a Wonderful Life of Albums: Appetite for Destruction
Just sneaking into the qualification criteria, Guns’n’Roses’ 1987 debut Appetite for Destruction is for me, a celebration of Slash. Unleashed upon the world on July 21, 1987, less than two months after I was, there are some songs here that will live out eternity in classic rock lore. It topped the Billboard charts and sold over 30 million copies, this was not a flash in the pan, but an onslaught of guitar riffs that were among the best of the decade. This was in a time when rock and roll was still on the tip of everyone’s tongue, as evidenced by no less than three singles cracking the top ten of the Billboard Hot 100.
When you talk about all time rock intros, or about masterful use of guitar effects, it would be a sin not to mention album opener, “Welcome to the Jungle.” Slash employs the delay pedal to perfection on the opening salvo of this classic rock mainstay. It puts you into a swarm of notes before kicking into the main riff, and then takes you on a ride. You also have to love the lyric inspired by a homeless man when the band first traveled to New York City, “You know where you are? You’re in the jungle baby, you gonna die!” Really the only knock on the song is its use by the Cincinnati Bengals as a stadium anthem. Despite being to the big game twice they have just as many Super Bowl rings as Cleveland.
Working through the first half of the album there are memorable tracks like, “Nightrain” and, “Mr. Brownstone” that keep it flowing. I generally consider Guns’n’Roses to be above the hair band era in terms of quality, but you can hear the sounds of the time ever present. It changes however, when you hear that heavenly chorus pedal opening from Izzy Stradlin give way to Slash’s relentless riffs on, “Paradise City.” As far as an ethos, you can do a whole lot worse than, “Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. Oh won’t you please take me home?”
I have been involved in many, many, late night, can’t-see-straight classic rock music discussions with both those whose musical acumen I respect, and those I quickly dismiss. There is a candidate for best classic rock song of all time on this album and it’s called, “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” Let me just go through some classic rock attributes it has in spades: great and uplifting lyrics, piercingly iconic intro, and a great rhythm section. All of that allows for the quintessential classic rock staple, the guitar solo, of which this song has two great ones. The first one acts as a great interlude and preface for Slash’s out of his mind main solo. I can’t overstate how stop-you-in-your-tracks great this guitar solo is, and that is why it is in the pantheon of classic rock. I mention this because if I think of glass tank distilled, 200 proof classic rock, it’s this, “More Than a Feeling” by Boston, “Stairway to Heaven” by Led Zeppelin, and “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” by The Rolling Stones. That would be my current Mt. Rushmore, subject to change via beer or hearing Toto’s, “Africa” late enough into the night.
I didn’t want to focus on the debauchery or disfunction of Guns’n’Roses, that would only serve as distraction from this great collection of songs and I get enough lead singer drama with Oasis. Slash’s guitar playing on this album is nothing short of extraordinary, and that is reason enough to give it another spin.
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