Good Questions:

Is Punk Dead?

Do The Stooges Rock?

What is Rock?

What is Roll?

What is toll?

Where do you wanna go?

D’Yer Know What I Mean?

How far did you get in your dreams?

What’s a Watson?

Who is Love?

Why is night?

What are words?

Who are you?

Donde esta Pepsi?

Que es Coke?

R.I.P. Mike Wallace. 

M is for murder

Good movie

Who stole the bike?

============Whopaysforparking?=======

American Pie is sweet

Who’s on first?

What’s in your food?

=====hahayousayfunnything—-=============

Noel Gallagher’s High Flying BIrds

Fly very high

Who’s got the THC?

=========STRIKE–========

Mah brodah es tyler

Necesito medicas

Estoy contento

Similar to the Roman thing, I want to start this line of conversation because I think it is one that people my age can connect with. Also: if you’re older, buy some stock with your pile of money based on my opinion because it will make you money. To start, I will never shoot anyone and I don’t own a gun. That said, with every swipe of the dozen pieces of plastic I use, I can take a shot with every purchase at the brands and companies I don’t like.

Locality is something my generation is very aware of, and it is a reaction against the way the world economy works. If you can do it as good or better locally, I’ll buy from you. The big transnational corporations know this, and they try to, ‘fake it’ but they really can’t compete with a local business when it comes to customer service and experience. We are a generation without labels, but very aware of them: liberal, conservative, trans-gender, gay and straight are all dirty words to us.

Some ideas never die though, you can’t fix stupid. If you come from a place of ignorance, we have no tolerance for you. Bigot is the new n***a. It doesn’t matter if you’re from the streets or the suburbs, everyone has the internet, and there is no excuse for stupid.

McDonald’s gets it, that’s why they are making their U.S. locations look like the ones in Europe. The food is still terrible, but for the money you can’t beat it. Apple and Google compete, and Microsoft is in the dark right now because we WANT to disconnect from our phones and computers: we’re all familiar with technology but we’re not all nerds. That little survey about how Apple people have more sex; it’s not a tough nut to crack.

So in the end, I’m not telling you to get free napkins from the fast food chains instead of Wal-Mart, that would be illegal. What I am saying is, if corporations can be citizens, citizens can separate a fool from his money.

America will die someday, or it will split, or it will find some other way to salvage it’s debt to the world. I would like to start a new series with this title when I see exemplifications of American excess that conservatives call American ‘exceptionalism.’ Today’s issue is headphones, ‘Beats by Dre’ specifically. 

I’ll start with the positive for those already drinking the hateraide, they’re great headphones, they’re comfortable, they’re stylish, they’re functional, but until they have lithium-ion batteries built in, and wireless as a standard:they are too expensive. At this point you are paying an exorbitant amount for a style statement, this might make you a little of the $300 back if you’re a dj at a night club, but for the average person just forget it.

Any product that still uses AAA batteries was probably designed by someone who should still be going to AA meetings. I’m listening to some music on the ‘studio’ edition of beats by dre and it sounds amazing, just like the Fisher speakers in my basement that were made 30 years ago. Sonic fidelity is not so complex that we need to be spending this much. All that the manufacturer Monster, known for its’ over-priced HDMI cables, is doing is putting stereo speakers on the frame of a headset.

In essence, it’s like Honda putting a V-Tec engine on a Huffy bike and charging $21,900 for it, it doesn’t make any sense. I will be the first in line to buy a pair of beats when it is under $100, I hope they make an orange and blue model, as I want to look as obnoxious as possible.

I entered the belly of the beast around 4 PM on a dreary Friday afternoon. After leaving Bowling Green in the gray mist that is everyday there, I continued in a northerly direction toward the city of fair Toledo. Left of me storm clouds approached in the intolerable way that they always do, and I prepared for rain. Drippy-drops hit the windshield as I passed the Mosque, an almost too-symbolic queue for what I’m about to get into.

This wretched place has sort of an impenetrable thought bubble around it, it has been economically devastated and here’s why: it’s not, “The Blacks” or “The Unions” or “The Fat Cats” it’s the religions. For all the ‘good intentions’ they may start from, faiths are far worse institutions than governments, and they rule the roost in northwest Ohio and Michigan.

The power of faith in fallacy is so strong that people complain about green energy progress here that won’t cost them a dime. The economics of the situation is starting to change people’s perception here, and you do see a Toyota Prius more often than I remember from my time at the University of Toledo, but this is just a backward place. The little cherry on top is that this is one of the most politically corrupt parts of the country, also being one of the most religious.

Racism is dying slowly in this country, there is only a difference of, “raised right” or “raised wrong” and “raised religious” is raised wrong. To dial it back a bit, there is no longer a racial glass ceiling, you can rise as high or go as far as your talents will take you, maybe even as far as south beach.

There is also a constant battle fought in this part of the country, a crusade against public education, and higher education in particular. I can tell you this: it doesn’t matter if you are attending a university in Columbus, London, Paris, Istanbul or Seoul, you are better for it. On days where the sun shines, and there are few, the University of Toledo is a beautiful place to be.

I say this in spite of president Lloyd Jacobs’ war against the college of arts and sciences. If you don’t mind, I’ll dig into the vault of 90’s rap to reference Dr. Dre’s classic debut album The Chronic,  “Lloyd Jacobs can eat big fat diiiick.”

The pilgrimage to my alma mater lead to significant amounts of nostalgic justification for the miserable years I spent in Toledo. As seen above, on the left, my computer lab of choice, Tucker Hall 0137, directly across from the mens room in the basement of the History Department, ironically in the same building as the center for women, often a forgotten majority of the world.

It’s much easier to forget the caffeine induced enemas when you see your old department building in the spring with all the intentionally beautiful, campus-tour-duping imagery that the campus provides. With that theme, I also remember taking great notes with party-induced heartburn was much easier to stomach when I wasn’t commuting to class behind this asshole:

From a starting point, I disagree with bumper-stickers unless they make people laugh. If they don’t, its a good way to degrade the look of your vehicle, and entice foolish people to key your paint-job. You can keep your guns, your, ‘freedom’ and your, ‘money’ but if you choose not to adapt to change, you’re the stupid one Darwin was talking about.

Thankfully I was in this terrible place to see Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, at one of my favorite venues, The Royal Oak Music Theater near Detroit. The pleasant experience started with the genuine conversation with fellow concert-goers in the queue, and ended with a classy meeting with my favorite songwriter.

Beer in hand I wandered to the front of the house to enjoy the finest music I have yet to hear live. Noel Gallagher is a trip back in time to a place where peace and love were real ideas, naive as they may have ever been, the beauty is not lost. The crowd was as enjoyable as the performer, drunk as they may of been.

There isn’t a better night than Saturday night to see a show, no matter who it is. Noel’s act having a strong following makes the experience significantly more communal, this meaning, when we’ve all had a few beers, it doesn’t matter where we came from.

I try very hard to stay positive about my station in life, and none of it will be determined by the money I make, one can live happy on any wage. I do want to illustrate the point that your location can determine your state of mental clarity, and moving to Columbus was the best thing for me now. I may not die here, but I know I never truly lived until I left the place I was born.

The best stories are the ones you couldn’t make up. Brothers Noel and Liam Gallagher rising from poverty to become rock and roll gods is just too good. The Mancunian duo along with their childhood friends grew up to form arguably the most overrated or underrated British band since the Rolling Stones.

Oasis owned the nineties in Europe, they moved into the villa that Kurt Colbain left behind after he passed. Their 1994 album, “Definitely Maybe”, often considered the best rock debut ever, is a testament to all that is great about rock guitar, and the follow up, “(What’s the Story) Morning Glory” tells you how great a songwriter Noel Gallagher is.

All of that being ancient history, let’s fast-forward. Paris. 2009. Minutes before thousands of people were waiting for the band to headline a major festival, Liam is swinging a fifty-thousand-dollar guitar at Noel, Paul Bunyan style. Certainly not the first time such an obsurdity happened between the brothers, but Noel quit the band that night.

As an Oasis fan who saw them on that final tour, you can look at this in two ways, I chose the high road: Now they get to compete with solo careers. Liam Gallagher’s new band, Beady Eye, released an album last year and toured worldwide with much appeal, and staying within his role of, “European-Frontman” he also launched a clothing line.

Noel, the constant songwriter, stayed out of the press as much as he could until he formed Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, a mangy group of touring musicians with talent to lose. They rolled into the LC Thursday to deliver a set of unimaginable happiness to all the Oasis fans in Columbus, how nice of them.

There is a notion that he may have intentionally been trying to outshine his brother on the world stage musically, and he did, for better or worse. Avid Oasis fans that stalk him on youtube may have been dissapointed that his setlist tonight was not radically different from that of his European tour, but this is a very difficult point to complain about.

Upon attending a Noel Gallagher show, you really get the sense of Oasis’ worldwide appeal. Accents from far reaching parts of the world fill the space of the normal pre-show buzz, and if you are looking for an intimate concert experience from a big-name act, there isn’t a better place to see a show than the LC.

In addition to the great atmosphere, the sing-along nature of his music is electric. There is a sense of community created when the sound of the crowd singing is loud enough to overpower the million-dollar sound system of the venue, a feeling exemplified by Noel neglecting to sing the last chorus of, “Don’t Look Back in Anger” as he often does.

Everything that is Rock’n’Roll is Noel Gallagher. This guy is as old-school as they come, he knows he could play louder, but he also knows his age. He’s still not afraid of using, how do you say? The Fuck Word. He dropped it a dozen times during the show, making reference to some of the members of the audience who had imbibed a few ales. There is no doubt he would have lived a perfectly lucrative life in stand up comedy.

I’m sorry for you if you missed it, because it was a special night. Noel Gallagher holding what might as well of been a dorm room in the palm of his hand, the crowd really responded to the acoustic version of, “Supersonic” from the fist album. That boyfriend you had in college that played guitar and made your heart.beat.fast… he was channeling Noel Gallagher.

If you’re still in school, I have drunken experiment for you to try: pick a 3-song Oasis playlist after midnight, and no matter what drug people are on, they will be singing sloppily and swinging arm over shoulder. We used to do, “Wonderwall” -> “Live Forever” -> “Champagne Supernova.”

Noel is responsible for many young people picking up an instrument and learning it as an amateur, myself included. His simplistic musical style brings everyone to the table, and nobody leaves hungry. He rises to another level in his ability to tell a universal story that anyone can relate to. I’ll be seeing him again in Detroit in a few hours, looking forward to the music and banter.

I love and hate all people. There is no longer a racial component to our interactions, only a cultural one. If you are under thirty years old in the United States, the only excuse for saying something you shouldn’t say is prideful ignorance. I can think of nothing more disgusting than taking pride in the stupidity of your thoughts.

If you choose to believe what is not actually so, you rob yourself of the life experience you are missing. People forget that whatever you say, you are responsible for, hiding behind an internet username does not absolve you from your absurdities. If you start a thought from a point of ignorance, no amount of polishing will fix the problem.

Let me take two steps down from my organic soap-box. I was raised Catholic, meaning universal, or in American terms, it means nothing other than having a gained sense of respect for humanity. The value of community is immeasurable, and someone raised with Catholic guilt would understand with perfect clarity what it means to be a supporter of the Cleveland Browns. 

But seriously, tell me, if you can, what is it that anyone could like about Mr. Romney? I am old enough to remember how uninteresting John Kerry was, but as a veteran who wanted to reign in the empire, he was pretty attractive in black and white print. He could have saved a lot of lives: I’m looking at you Ohio voters in unpopulated areas.

I will proceed with my argument for Obama’s re-election the same way Mr. Kerry was presented to the public: he’s not perfect, but look at the alternative, and try to keep a stable stomach. Obama ran an emotional campaign to get elected, and electrified the nation in a way few leaders ever have, but the legacy he will leave is what he does with the next four years. 

There are a lot of kids with art degrees that still cant find right from left and need a job, but that isn’t the president’s fault. The exploitive lending practices of banks concerning student loans and the inflated price of higher education in this country are something that is in his power to fix.

For anyone looking to start a business or wondering why apple is so successful now, I can’t provide a mathematical reason, but I can provide a reason: Apple is a mega-corporation with the world’s best operating system, that is personable enough for the average person to not think of them as a, “corporate citizen.”

Every other company has sat around in a board room and asked the question: “How cheap can we do support?” Apple has asked the same question, but they must slap new-hires on each cheek first and say, “Do you get it?” When you talk to most people at Apple they may not know the answer, but they know the most appropriate way to lie to you, and thats almost as good.

The iPad 3 will be launching in a few weeks, and recently an Apple executive was quoted saying something very callous about it’s labor practices. Apple is sugar-coated-reality. Their products are sexy compared to any other computer manufacturer, and in an hour, I could teach anyone on this earth how to use one. 

Not only that, but they are sexy and made in the exact location in China that all the other electronics companies, Apple has no incentive to improve its labor standards. Having worked a job for 80 hours a week in this country on forced overtime in the food production industry, I can tell you our standards aren’t much higher for worker rights than China in this economy, to quote Goodfellas, “Fuck you, pay me.”

Speaking of which, that is the best movie in its genre, and Mr. Scorsese made three of them; ‘Casino’ and ‘The Departed’ being the others. It tells you what the reality is: you can either make people feel good in your interaction on your good graces, or you can pay them. Apple pays their customer service more, because nobody wants to do customer service.  

It doesn’t hurt that they have the best products. 

Parents:

If you want to know where you can grab your little one by the, “I want it, I want it.”

Teach them how to speak.

You don’t say things in front of certain people, and if you can instill this simple message, you win. No matter how bad your English is, and no matter how bad your collective parental vocabulary is, if you don’t say the wrong thing, you win. 

Teaching your child to smile and shut up is the best thing you can do. In the U.S., this requires a handshake. A punctual pile of human flesh is more valuable than 200 people that don’t get it. Send them to college, let them write their own story, then they’ll figure it out.

We had a cuss cup.

When you say something out of line, you pay.

Every family draws the line, but there is always a line that no-one draws in this country. That’s the one where if you think the thought and you say it, you are responsible for it. 

Keeping your cool will make the difference between Jersey Shore and Lower Manhattan. 

I have been apprehensive to start reviewing shows I have been to because it always seems like a…..

How do I put this professionally?

You like the band before you see them or you don’t

It’s either a verbal blowjob or a…..

Tasty snack for a writer who hasn’t done anything, and wants to re-define what music is “supposed to be.”

On that note, here’s my take on The Black Keys:

Hey,
Here’s what I came up with, I wrote most of it during the show when I didn’t recognize the song.

The Black Keys Return to Columbus Once Again

Painfully, I have to admit that this was my first live sampling of The Black Keys, but I’ve tried before. Kings of Leon wanted too much of my money, and I had Foo Fighters tickets that I was forced to sell. Now that they’re a proper headlining act though, I got a chance to see them.

Regrettably it was from the ‘old guy’ seats this time, but when The Black Keys are in town, there isn’t a bad seat in the house. In the form of a seasoned touring act, they opened with an energetic rendition of, “Howlin’ for You” and while nobody would categorize them as a singalong band, they held the crowd in the palm of their hand with their bluesy guitar driven stomp-fests for the entirety of the show.

The lighting was excellent, as one would expect from a band that can fill an arena, but the staging of the drum kit and Auerbach’s gear was exceptional. Both were front and center with the excellent touring band behind them, and there were moments during the slower songs where there was a sort of, ‘candlelight’ lighting effect, even from a hundred yards away I could have imagined them playing in my apartment.

The Arctic Monkeys opened to a solid following, and they performed well, “I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” being the highlight. Patrick Carney was particularly impressive on the drums, and the duo continue to deliver the simple hard rock vibe that so many people miss after The White Stripes broke up. It may be awhile before the keys are back in Columbus, but make sure you catch the next go around when they do.

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