College Football Idiot Savant Week 14
When Tom Petty was talking about those Indiana boys on those Indiana nights, he wasn’t talking about those Indiana boys that got their asses kicked in Columbus last weekend! I digress, but I know we have to keep it on the up and up here at liveforthepage, so let the objectivity flow through you in this Xichigan week post. That team up north will rue the hour they got onto I-75 this week.
Prediction 1: Will Howard stumbled in an interview this week, uttering the word: Michigan, then quickly correcting himself, saying he meant, ‘that team up north.’ He will not stumble, nor need to correct himself much more this week as the Buckeyes roll to 500 yards of total offense in their sleep. In the end it’s not about if, but about who gets the stats. Buckeye bonanza.
Prediction 2: I know I’m making the same prediction as last week, and they didn’t quite make it, but let’s just say there is going to be some clock to run out in this matchup, and Henderson and Judkins trade slashing runs to get to 150 combined. This is going to be so enjoyable to watch, don’t play any drinking games with the rushing this week, or you will be a goner early. Ground and pound, scarlet and gray.
Prediction 3: Its been a long time coming, and if I ask Siri, she tells me it’s been 1,826 days since Ohio State last beat Xichigan. Ryan Day gets to wipe away 3 years of gloom with a blowout performance that you degenerate gamblers can comfortably count on a cover here. It has been bet down to (-19) Ohio State, but that’s just rivalry garnish being added to a nervous line that will be obliterated by the scarlet and gray. The buckeyes cover with leftovers befitting a thanksgiving weekend.
I went 1-2 with some aggressive picks last week bringing the season total to 20-14. I am doubling down, and in the spirit of Woody Hayes, I hope we go for 2 at a nonsensical point in the game to drive the point home. Xichigan is coming to the shoe this weekend with nothing, and they will leave with nothing. Let this Saturday be your escape from election drama, and enjoy one of the greatest state institutions on the planet putting on a show. As an Ohio tax payer, as a lifelong fan, as a human being who believes in this team, this is the beginning. We won the first 4 team playoff, we will win the first 12 team playoff….just O…fuckin’…H!
College Football Idiot Savant Week 13
With each passing week that I go 1-2, it makes me ever the more thankful that only pride was lost and not rent money. Liveforthepage stands at 19-12 for the year with another special edition this week as another top 5 opponent faces off with the buckeyes. Indiana comes to Columbus this week, well, as long as they are able to navigate the Indiana pothole circus from Bloomington to the Ohio border anyway.
Prediction 1: Weather conditions look to be cloudy in the mid 40s with some wind, what midwesterners often call, ‘football weather’ and shouldn’t hamper the better football team. It’s the perfect kind of weather to have 2 top tier running backs, and that is what the buckeyes will have to focus on early to keep Indiana’s pressure off the quarterback. When I say, ‘better football team’ I mean to say the weather won’t stop the buckeyes from 500 yards of total offense and neither will Indiana. Hoosier daddy?
Prediction 2: If a Big Ten team owns the line of scrimmage, the game can get out of hand fast. With a bevy of injuries to the offensive line this season, we will see here early on a tone being set in the running game by the buckeyes. Judkins and Henderson will combine for 150 rushing yards, if they don’t, this could be a coin flip game. As a high caliber athlete you come to Ohio State for weeks like this, and the scarlet and gray backfield will shine.
Prediction 3: In some ways the buckeyes are playing for their season on Saturday. Indiana is a good football team, but in no universe the fifth best in the country. A loss however would likely mean missing the Big Ten Championship and waiting on pins and needles for a reputational playoff spot. It stands at (-10.5) for Ohio State and I’m sorry, if you don’t cover against Indiana football with this multimillion dollar roster you don’t deserve a spot. Buckeyes cover, scaffolding for Big Noon kickoff’s set stays put for another week in Columbus.
My colleagues and I saw Kirk walking the oval with his dog this morning, and there is no doubt that the dog is the best part about him. Urban will also be on campus this weekend, so maybe they can both get together for food poisoning at his restaurant. The buckeyes turn the page from doubt this week, and with Kirk not on the call, it should be a great watch. Be sure to grab an extra layer if you’re heading to the horseshoe this weekend, and if you have a tee time on Saturday, you’re a hero to me.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 12
Well now that we’re all winners or (probably)losers after this election, let’s get down to picking some winners and losers. Emily did her part last week pulling off an impressive 2-1 contribution to make the season total 18-10. We have some interesting matchups for the week and I hope that you continue to make us your source for idiotic banter about other parts of the country. If you are betting real money based upon this shtick, call a gambling hotline.
Prediction 1: In our cultural matchup of the week we have #6 BYU and Kansas, I wonder what kind of tailgate this would be? I am imagining a game of corn hole with the least interesting conversation happening about local agricultural equipment sales and Joseph Smith’s legitimacy. This has now become the first ironic cultural matchup of the week because it will feature two places completely devoid of it. I assume it gets weird in Provo, otherwise this is upset alert, BYU survives.
Prediction 2: I’m taking a flyer on #22 LSU(-3.5) over Florida because I want to take time to recognize that if we had listened to James Carville a year ago we would be in a better place as a country. I’ll leave it at that, this college football thing was to escape right? Well now I just wanna escape this country, and do you know where I wouldn’t want to be right now? The Swamp. I said it earlier in the year, The Swamp at Florida doesn’t mean anything when you’re irrelevant. Carville wins straight up.
Prediction 3: In our prelude to the pitchforks matchup of the week, we see #7 Tennessee battle #12 Georgia. After a tough loss to Ole Miss last week Georgia looks to bounce back and keep their names in the playoff discussion. The wise guys have Georgia(-9.5) and I agree, this will be a bounce-back game for a group of elite athletes in Georgia. Since this isn’t a conversation about country music, and its contribution to the delinquency of society, who cares about Tennessee? Rocky Flop! Georgia easily.
In other events this week make sure to tune in to Big Ten Network for the buckeye game at Wrigley Field in Chicago against Northwestern, it should be a wonderful visual spectacle. It makes me really wonder why it’s buried on BTN, but then I thought for a second… Money. College football has always been about money whether you like it or not, it’s always been there. The ‘rah-rah’ school spirit has also always been there, BTN is a thing of the past. When the super conference network launches, I ponder the cost.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 11
Owners of the laziest insult nickname, the “luckeyes” got a big win over Penn State last weekend, and liveforthepage was a solid 2-1 for a season total of 16-9. There is a long way to go down the trail for the Buckeyes, but they seemed very capable last weekend. This week on the college football series I’m going to invite the lovely Emily to make the picks this week. I have selected the matchups, and she is gonna knock it outta the park for us this week.
Prediction 1: In our cultural matchup of the week, BYU takes on the in-state secular heathens of Utah. Emily wanted everyone to know that Utah is home to the abusive multi-level marketing organizations such as Herbalife and Avon, who prey upon mormon housewives throughout the state, and nation. She also believes that straight up, the Cougars will be wearing the correct version of the funny underwear to win this game. BYU to win.
Prediction 2: #11 Alabama and #15 LSU meet up to rile up the swamps and other less habitable parts of the American south for Saturday night! Pitchforks out! Emily thinks that Alabama wins as the favorite, and that the south will not in fact, rise again. No doubt though, they can get together and discuss academic strategies two of the worst performing states in the nation. While this isn’t Emily endorsed, I believe James Carville is the only good thing to ever come out of either of these places.
Prediction 3: #3 Georgia takes on #16 Ole Miss in this prelude to the pitchforks showdown. Emily feels strongly about Georgia’s dominance in this game and also in the feeling that we will never live in any of these four second-rate SEC states. Ohio may only have been her home a few weeks again now, but it clearly sits, both geographically and morally, head and shoulders above either of these two. When and if the super conference comes, the south better hope we leave the academics completely behind.
Last week saw a bit more joy than just a Buckeye victory, as Dabo Swinney and Clemson fell the second time. We can’t say for sure he will complete the stations and fall for the third time, but we certainly hope so. Florida State is also free to take out their frustrations on Notre Dame, as nothing will really cheer me up right now, but seeing the golden domes lose is always nice for the children. The Buckeyes should be a snooze fest, make your tee time for halftime.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 10
As we embark on another exciting week of matchups in college football this week, let’s pour another one out for Florida State, who at 1-7 is even worse than I was last week. Liveforthepage stands at 14-8 for the year with another statement game week coming up. On a side note, I’ll pour another one out for Florida State if they knock off Notre Dame next week. The buckeyes take on number 3 Penn State in an environment that is going to be more white and rabid than a trump rally on Mountain Dew code red.
Prediction 1: The buckeye offense will be explosive but inconsistent against a good Penn State defense, less than 500 yards of total offense. They are shuffling the offensive line around with the starting left guard moving to the all important left tackle spot, and I’m still waiting for a prolific passing effort in a meaningful game from Will Howard. The rushing attack will be key to a win, but more with tough short yardage impact, not big plays.
Prediction 2: This will be a close call at the end. With the high stakes nature of this student athlete intercollegiate event, it’s likely both coaches play conservative in the first half, and I don’t see a ton of scoring. I wouldn’t take the buckeyes to cover (-3) as I believe it will be a field goal game late into the fourth. Ohio State’s running game will be critical early to take the crowd out of the game, although to a fan who paid Ticketmaster prices to dress up in all white and be weird with backwoods Pennsylvania people, nothing will be silent.
Prediction 3: Let me be clear: Ryan Day has one foot out the door at Ohio State if he loses this game. The Michigan game seems like a foregone conclusion this year and Day needs a big game win to feather his cap. This 3 vs 4 matchup at noon on Saturday will set the tone for the rest of the season and playoff. Ohio State isn’t out of the playoff race if they lose, but we would be then asking for a 2014 national championship level of gift for the rest of the season, unlikely at best. Ohio State will win close.
In other notes, Clemson looks likely to survive the week without falling again against Louisville. (-10.5) If Sparty has anything left in the tank after that rivalry loss to Michigan last week, they are on upset watch. They will prove difficult for number 13 Indiana and because Indiana will have a rough time getting to East Lansing since they have to use their own roads to get there, I see Michigan State covering. (+8) It’s another beautiful weekend in Columbus, and you’ll know your mood by 4 so plan twilight tee times accordingly.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 9
We are now deep into the meat and potatoes of the college football schedule and after Texas didn’t have enough last week we stand at 12-7 for the year. So far the hype about the playoff has elevated this season for fans across the country and it is a crowded field competing for those 12 spots. Although the election is looming, we all win on Saturdays. Vote with your eyes on Saturday, vote with your mind on Election Day.
Prediction 1: In our cultural matchup of the week we see Ohio in-state rivals compete in, ‘The Battle of I-75.’ The rivalry between Toledo and Bowling Green currently stands at 43-41-4 with the rockets on top. Readers may wonder how a school with no culture or tradition such as Bowling Green would qualify to be in our cultural game of the week, and rightly so. We at liveforthepage take the opportunity from time to time to give attention to less fortunate institutions without indoor plumbing. Fair Toledo wins without sweating too much.
Prediction 2: Penn State comes in as (-6.5) the favorite against Big Ten foe Wisconsin this week in Madison. As the playoff picture becomes more crowded, Ohio State needs the boys in blue to stay undefeated to to make their matchup more meaningful, and I don’t see worry here. I will say it one step further, Penn State wins and covers. Although there will be jumping around in Madison on Saturday, it won’t be for an upset.
Prediction 3: Texas A&M and LSU square off in a top 15 matchup that could be the most competitive of the week. This is basically a toss up, with A&M favored by 1, and it should be entertaining. Overall I have been more impressed with the aggies this year, and when I flipped my Torrey Pines ball marker to decide this, it landed on them. That Torrey Pines marker has won me 3 coin tosses this year, so I’m all in. it will be a close game into the fourth quarter, Texas A&M for the win.
It should go without saying that the buckeyes will cruise to victory over Nebraska at home, already having thoughts of the weird people they will see in happy valley next week. Whether it’s a white out or not the buckeyes deserve to be favored, but of course as our old friend Will Money said in, ‘Unforgiven’ “deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.’ They kick off at Big Noon, so you will still have the rest of your Saturday in Columbus to play golf, find a twilight special near you.
Why Do I Do This?
I hope you have been enjoying the college football musings this season, but the most important matchup of the year is coming on November 5th. I encourage you to exercise your civic duty to vote by whatever means is available to you, be it absentee, early, or on election day in-person this year. This will likely be my last political post before the election, and I want to provide my reasoning for the vote I cast and why you should join me in voting for Kamala Harris.
Kamala first caught my attention when she was displaying her prosecutorial skills in the senate and I was a fan of her subsequent run for the democratic nomination in 2020. Then, she was competing with Bernie for my leftist heart, now she has pivoted to the center so hard as to be unrecognizable from her 2020 counterpart. I still have hope for her presidency, but if you are wary of her being a, ‘radical leftist’ my disappointment should serve as soothing menthol-eucalyptus to a centrist, stand-for-nothing throat.
Because I have women in my life that I love, and respect the women of this country, choice is the number one issue. In 2020, I would have told you that the environment was my first issue of priority, however that was before the Supreme Court tore rights away from 51% of American citizens. Project 2025 calls for a national abortion ban, and while Kamala will not have a filibuster proof majority in congress, a vote for her is preventative in this regard.
“In Springfield, they’re eating the dogs, the people that came in, they’re eating the cats, they’re eating, they’re eating the pets of the people that live there.” This quote falls under: ‘Hitler Open Mic Night’ to borrow from a Bill Burr comedy bit. I have a republican friend who when I say that Trump is a racist, will ask for examples, once stating, “he never said Mexicans were rapists.” He never called Chris Christie a fat pig either, apparently. A staffer for Vance called a Springfield official to check on the validity of these claims before Trump said this at the debate, calling the allegations, “baseless” but he said it anyway.
I hate it, but I feel the need to emphasize pragmatism over idealism yet again. As we exited the polls yesterday, Emily and I were reflecting on how great it felt to have our first presidential ballots cast for Barack Obama in 2008 and how it has been a series of ‘eat your vegetables’ candidates since. Kamala saved us from a landslide Trump victory over Biden, and for that reason I am once again pleading with America to eat its vegetables. If Obama rapping Eminem’s, ‘Lose Yourself’ on stage this week wasn’t enough, I guess you might take no joy in humanity, or worse, are an evangelical.
I’m no flag-waving patriot, but the post apocalyptic portrait of America that Trump paints is just not the current state of the nation. Our economy has recovered better from Covid 19 than any other nation most Americans would consider habitable, and western democracy still means something. Vote for today, vote for yourself, vote so that you will have another chance to in 4 years.
Fascism: Noun. A governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc. and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 8
Obviously that outcome in Autzen last week was not what Ohio State wanted, but there is a lot of season left, including Penn State in three weeks: back on the horse. Liveforthepage did fare well with the picks, I consider the buckeyes covering with a push prediction counting, they did not get to 500 yards of offense, but Zach absolutely called for Ryan Day’s job so we sit at 10-6. It’s an off week in Columbus, go play golf! On to Nebraska.
Prediction 1: In our cultural battle of the week, Indiana and Nebraska get together to trade husking techniques and corn based recipes as well as play a football game. The blimp cam will be interesting for this one, its going to look like 60,000 of the same person in the crowd, all cornfed white men in red. I like Indiana to win(-6.5), but this should be an old school football fan’s game, a brawl between the hashes. Bloomington will be a fun place to be Saturday night, if you have to be in Indiana I guess.
Prediction 2: In the coin flip game of the week brought to you by the Illinois Lottery, Michigan comes in as four point favorites and I see next to no justification for that. The Illini could play further spoilers into a U of M collapse post-Harbaugh. Luckily, since both states have sensible marijuana policy, the crowd will be enjoying themselves and I think on a ‘football weather’ kind of Saturday this screams upset. Liveforthepage supporters know I will make any excuse to pick orange, but this time it’s sensible.
Prediction 3: We have been spoiled for choice over the past few weeks with big matchups, and this week provides #1 Texas and #5 Georgia. In my lifetime, I have seen Texas choke so many times that this seems to look one way, but both teams are stacked with talent and this should be fun. Both of these teams are playoff contenders and I really don’t like Texas(-5) covering this. In for a penny, in for a pound, close win for the longhorns in the beautiful orange strip.
It’s October 18th and early voting has started! If you went to college, like college football, like the ideas discussed at college, then next week give early voting in Ohio the college try. Franklin county has a great facility on Morse Rd. and you will be in and out in no time. Regardless of what happens in the Big Ten or the SEC this week, the election is your civic duty. Enjoy the games this weekend, and if you’re in Columbus, Blacklick Woods Metropark Golf Course still has tee times to see those fall colors.
Farewell Browns
‘I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ That iconic line from the movie ‘Network’ begins to, but does not fully illustrate the current state of my Cleveland Browns support. Exhausted disillusion with a side of hopeless cynicism and the complete lack of a way out in sight is where I am, but I am drawing a line in the sand this time.
I have been a loyal Browns fan for over twenty years, and the cupboard has been bare for that entire time. Since 1999 there have been so many quarterbacks, so many coaches, one great kicker and so many inexplicable new ways I’ve witnessed of how to lose football games. Is it a rebuild if you start the next one before you finish the last one?
Farewell to the Haslams, the first half of my time as a fan was marked by the Browns being drastically outspent by nearly every team in the league with cap space that would only be spent on the Madden video game every year. Jimmy and Dee Haslam invested in the big moves that previous ownership never did, and I thank them for swinging. I also owed them a debt, especially Dee, for not allowing my beloved Columbus Crew to be the second team in my lifetime greedily stolen from Ohio. After what the Watson trade has become, I consider us even.
I hope the Browns get a wonderful new dome stadium that will provide the people of Cleveland entertainment opportunities 12 months a year. When the proposal for the new stadium came out, the usual old school Browns fan pushback inevitably followed. The cold weather is our 12th player, natural grass is the only surface for real football and other tiresome arguments that have led the team to losing every meaningful game on the frozen tundra next to the lake.
Make no mistake, I wish the Browns well, I will always root for them against the Kentucky Bengals and the rest of the division. However, I am not signing on for another 0-16 season, which would now be 0-17. The Browns are now staring down the possibility of that debacle again for the next two seasons. The Jacksonville win a few weeks ago seems like a gift at this point, and this season is a lost cause. Every week that they roll out Watson as the starter is an exercise in insanity.
With Baker Mayfield and Joe Flacco winning games for their new teams, I’ve been getting that Browns feeling I know too well. Like Odell Beckham Jr who fetched a first round pick from us, we ended up cutting him, and he won the Super Bowl that year with the Rams, I can’t do this anymore. Am I supposed to be excited to tank the rest of this season for another quarterback that will need to lead a roster starting at a $70 million dollar cap disadvantage for the next two years? At which point they probably bail on him to draft a new guy, with an over/under of 3 coaches and general managers between now and then. This is a re-run of the Browns, now in syndication on a late night cable network and I can’t do it to myself anymore.
To my two favorite Browns of all time Myles Garrett and Nick Chubb, I thank you for some of the best football I’ve ever seen at those positions. Nick Chubb without injury in Kevin Stephanski’s offense was supposed to be the Cleveland dream and it could have been so sweet. Myles Garrett is the most impactful defensive player I have seen in my lifetime other than Ray Lewis, and for the record I wish he would have torn Mason Rudolph’s head clean off.
As my favorite Bob Dylan so goes, I have been offered, ‘Shelter From the Storm’: Emily just moved to Columbus from Chicago, and I went to a Columbus Bears Backers bar to watch the London game last weekend. The experience of watching a team with hope bludgeon a Jacksonville team that the Browns couldn’t score 20 against was exhilarating. I love football, and I’m not going to stop watching the NFL, so I shed the Browns like I shed another geographical fallacy, Catholicism. I feel as guilt free moving to another midwestern team with a great fan base as my dad probably did when he turned in the Time Warner Cable box and cut the cord.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 7
After adding two wins last week, our season total sits at 8-5 with a week of games to write home about ahead. I’ve been centering my college football chi in order to avoid the election, and my sights are on one game this week. Ohio State travels to Oregon for the regular season game of the year, and I like our odds. It should be a great visual spectacle with the ducks slated to be in an all black uniform and those buckeye stickers always look good under the lights.
Prediction 1: Friend of liveforthepage Zach will suffer multiple diagnosable mental breakdowns during the game. Since I will be watching with him I believe that upon the second false start called against the buckeyes caused by the Oregon crowd will cause him to go Chernobyl in the direction of the television. Let me be clear, although a loss does not put Ohio State out of the playoffs, every college football fan in the country will be watching this game. 2 aneurisms, 1 call for Ryan Day’s job, and more Crown Royal than usual.
Prediction 2: Ohio State will have over 500 yards of total offense. I’m seeing this as a 38-35 kind of matchup and there will be a lot of NFL bodies running around Saturday night, but I think we have more of them. Veteran quarterback Will Howard should be able to handle the pressure of the environment and put the ball where his 5 star receivers can put their hands on it. Ohio State’s duel threat backfield will be key early to lowering the temperature in Autzen Stadium, and showcasing our premier backfield.
Prediction 3: Ohio State proves to be too much in a ‘welcome to the Big Ten’ showcase. I promised you objectivity, and that is why I said 38-35, as there’s nothing more objective from a fan than predicting a push. (OSU -3) Oregon is likely to make the playoff, so the buckeyes could see them again, but this is the pinnacle of regular season college football, 2 vs 3 and where the buckeyes have been before many times. Tell me all you want about how much this roster cost, and then look at the amount of scarlet in the stadium, it just means more to us.
This one should be fun Columbus and outlying world, a couple of pro tips from a local: Order your food early, and extra. If you are reading this and don’t care about the game, take a drive on I-670 or 23N at around 8pm Saturday, just to see them with no traffic. I’m posting this from the campus of THE Ohio State University, across from Ohio Stadium, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands of time, until we…oh look at me, I’m ramblin’ again. O-H!
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