This week liveforthepage features a guest segment from contributor and resident Buckeye expert Zach. There is no more reliable source for Buckeye knowledge that isn’t behind a paywall, or FERPA regulations. Without further adieu, enjoy.

You can ask those few who know me, or the even fewer who love me, and they’ll tell you, Zach Crist is an impatient fellow. There are very few things in life that I willingly wait for. At the very top of that list is the last weekend of November, every single year. When the cool fall air rolls in, when auburn, burnt yellow, orange and brown settle into the trees, and when that beauty meets the eternal clash of scarlet and grey vs. piss, I mean, “maize” and blue, everything inside me lights up.

This year is no exception. In fact, the stakes feel higher.

But it’s been 362 days since Ohio State put on one of the worst on-field performances I’ve seen since Maroon 5 played the Super Bowl halftime show in 2019.

The Loss That Broke Something, and Built Something Else

People wanted Ryan Day gone after that loss. Not me, of course, I’m very reasonable. (Just don’t check my Facebook posts from last year.) But that loss did something to him. It changed him. It created a monster. His wife even said, “He became maniacle. It was every second of every day. Even in the middle of the night he was typing notes.”

And I imagine those notes looked like Bart Simpson’s chalkboard:
I will not lose to those clowns to the North ever again.
I will not lose to those clowns to the North ever again.
I will not lose to those clowns to the North ever again.

Numbers Matter, In The Game and in Christmas Songs. What do The 12 Days of Christmas and The Game have in common?

Numbers.
So here are mine: Offensive Stats

• 111th in total plays (695)
• 19th in first downs
• 12th in yards per play (6.97)
• 37% of plays result in a first down

326 plays have resulted in a first down or a score. That means 47% of all plays result in either points or a chain-mover. Nearly one out of every two plays, you can confidently say, “First down” or, “Yep I saw that coming.” Especially when Sayin lets it fly to Smith or Tate for six. This doesn’t even include Sayin’s absurd efficiency numbers as he trends toward the most accurate quarterback season of all time. I mean, he couldn’t be more accurate if he called a timeout and personally walked the damn ball over to the receiver. Not to mention:

• Dead last in punts, only 20 in 11 games
• 124th in 4th down attempts, but 15th in conversion %
• Dead last in 3rd down attempts, yet 2nd in 3rd down conversions

Not flashy.
Not wild.
Just brutally efficient.

Ohio State Defense:

• 1st in scoring defense
• 5th in rushing defense
• 2nd in passing defense

Which makes us 1st in total defense, giving up under 8 points per game. But How Does TTUN Stand a Chance? Bryce Underwood, with only 4 more TDs than INTs, has to lead an offense to score more than 8 points, which they’ve rarely done. Against even mediocre competition, they average under 30 PPG
(54th nationally). They have to either be uncharacteristically good on Saturday, or we have to be uncharacteristically bad in my opinion for this to be close. 

The Caveat: Since 2000, the team that rushed for more yards in The Game is 22‑1. But we don’t have to impose our will on the ground first. Start with the pass, draw the linebackers into the secondary, and then let Bo Jackson break free.

Justin Asked for One Paragraph, He Was Never Going to Get Just One. Not this week. Not for this game. I can’t just hand over a score prediction like it’s nothing, because this isn’t nothing. This is The Game.

The Two Paths:

Scenario 1

Ohio State jumps ahead early, offense too hot to handle, defense suffocates TTUN. Ohio State might win this one by 30, so give me the good guys to cover.

Scenario 2

Day wants to prove toughness again, we play their style, it stays tight into the 4th.
And if you let a loser hang around too long, he starts believing he has a chance, which is the last thing you want with the Mr. Brightside choir in Ann Arbor. If this happens, OSU either wins but doesn’t cover or loses and someone will need to bring me enough alcohol to drown in cuz I can’t do 5 in a row. 

A Final Plea to Coach Day

Ryan, since I know you read this every week: If we go up 14, start going for 2 every single time. This isn’t about sportsmanship. This isn’t about class.

WE HATE THESE PEOPLE.

Micheal Jordan once said “Let’s see if all that trash-talking starts when it’s 0-0 instead of a 5-6-point lead. That’s where it starts. That’s the sign of a good man, if he can talk shit when it’s an even score or talk shit when you’re behind. When you’re ahead, it’s easy to talk.” So start talking now Ryan. Put your boot on their throat and give them the Grambling State treatment. No mercy, Less remorse.
In 2020 you swore you’d hang 100 on them, you haven’t scored 100 on them combined in the last four years.

End Sherrone Moore’s career.
Show them who was really born on third.
Record their tears with the same camcorders they used to steal signs.

(Thank you Zach, never change.)