College Football Idiot Savant Week 9
We are now deep into the meat and potatoes of the college football schedule and after Texas didn’t have enough last week we stand at 12-7 for the year. So far the hype about the playoff has elevated this season for fans across the country and it is a crowded field competing for those 12 spots. Although the election is looming, we all win on Saturdays. Vote with your eyes on Saturday, vote with your mind on Election Day.
Prediction 1: In our cultural matchup of the week we see Ohio in-state rivals compete in, ‘The Battle of I-75.’ The rivalry between Toledo and Bowling Green currently stands at 43-41-4 with the rockets on top. Readers may wonder how a school with no culture or tradition such as Bowling Green would qualify to be in our cultural game of the week, and rightly so. We at liveforthepage take the opportunity from time to time to give attention to less fortunate institutions without indoor plumbing. Fair Toledo wins without sweating too much.
Prediction 2: Penn State comes in as (-6.5) the favorite against Big Ten foe Wisconsin this week in Madison. As the playoff picture becomes more crowded, Ohio State needs the boys in blue to stay undefeated to to make their matchup more meaningful, and I don’t see worry here. I will say it one step further, Penn State wins and covers. Although there will be jumping around in Madison on Saturday, it won’t be for an upset.
Prediction 3: Texas A&M and LSU square off in a top 15 matchup that could be the most competitive of the week. This is basically a toss up, with A&M favored by 1, and it should be entertaining. Overall I have been more impressed with the aggies this year, and when I flipped my Torrey Pines ball marker to decide this, it landed on them. That Torrey Pines marker has won me 3 coin tosses this year, so I’m all in. it will be a close game into the fourth quarter, Texas A&M for the win.
It should go without saying that the buckeyes will cruise to victory over Nebraska at home, already having thoughts of the weird people they will see in happy valley next week. Whether it’s a white out or not the buckeyes deserve to be favored, but of course as our old friend Will Money said in, ‘Unforgiven’ “deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.’ They kick off at Big Noon, so you will still have the rest of your Saturday in Columbus to play golf, find a twilight special near you.
Why Do I Do This?
I hope you have been enjoying the college football musings this season, but the most important matchup of the year is coming on November 5th. I encourage you to exercise your civic duty to vote by whatever means is available to you, be it absentee, early, or on election day in-person this year. This will likely be my last political post before the election, and I want to provide my reasoning for the vote I cast and why you should join me in voting for Kamala Harris.
Kamala first caught my attention when she was displaying her prosecutorial skills in the senate and I was a fan of her subsequent run for the democratic nomination in 2020. Then, she was competing with Bernie for my leftist heart, now she has pivoted to the center so hard as to be unrecognizable from her 2020 counterpart. I still have hope for her presidency, but if you are wary of her being a, ‘radical leftist’ my disappointment should serve as soothing menthol-eucalyptus to a centrist, stand-for-nothing throat.
Because I have women in my life that I love, and respect the women of this country, choice is the number one issue. In 2020, I would have told you that the environment was my first issue of priority, however that was before the Supreme Court tore rights away from 51% of American citizens. Project 2025 calls for a national abortion ban, and while Kamala will not have a filibuster proof majority in congress, a vote for her is preventative in this regard.
“In Springfield, they’re eating the dogs, the people that came in, they’re eating the cats, they’re eating, they’re eating the pets of the people that live there.” This quote falls under: ‘Hitler Open Mic Night’ to borrow from a Bill Burr comedy bit. I have a republican friend who when I say that Trump is a racist, will ask for examples, once stating, “he never said Mexicans were rapists.” He never called Chris Christie a fat pig either, apparently. A staffer for Vance called a Springfield official to check on the validity of these claims before Trump said this at the debate, calling the allegations, “baseless” but he said it anyway.
I hate it, but I feel the need to emphasize pragmatism over idealism yet again. As we exited the polls yesterday, Emily and I were reflecting on how great it felt to have our first presidential ballots cast for Barack Obama in 2008 and how it has been a series of ‘eat your vegetables’ candidates since. Kamala saved us from a landslide Trump victory over Biden, and for that reason I am once again pleading with America to eat its vegetables. If Obama rapping Eminem’s, ‘Lose Yourself’ on stage this week wasn’t enough, I guess you might take no joy in humanity, or worse, are an evangelical.
I’m no flag-waving patriot, but the post apocalyptic portrait of America that Trump paints is just not the current state of the nation. Our economy has recovered better from Covid 19 than any other nation most Americans would consider habitable, and western democracy still means something. Vote for today, vote for yourself, vote so that you will have another chance to in 4 years.
Fascism: Noun. A governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc. and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 8
Obviously that outcome in Autzen last week was not what Ohio State wanted, but there is a lot of season left, including Penn State in three weeks: back on the horse. Liveforthepage did fare well with the picks, I consider the buckeyes covering with a push prediction counting, they did not get to 500 yards of offense, but Zach absolutely called for Ryan Day’s job so we sit at 10-6. It’s an off week in Columbus, go play golf! On to Nebraska.
Prediction 1: In our cultural battle of the week, Indiana and Nebraska get together to trade husking techniques and corn based recipes as well as play a football game. The blimp cam will be interesting for this one, its going to look like 60,000 of the same person in the crowd, all cornfed white men in red. I like Indiana to win(-6.5), but this should be an old school football fan’s game, a brawl between the hashes. Bloomington will be a fun place to be Saturday night, if you have to be in Indiana I guess.
Prediction 2: In the coin flip game of the week brought to you by the Illinois Lottery, Michigan comes in as four point favorites and I see next to no justification for that. The Illini could play further spoilers into a U of M collapse post-Harbaugh. Luckily, since both states have sensible marijuana policy, the crowd will be enjoying themselves and I think on a ‘football weather’ kind of Saturday this screams upset. Liveforthepage supporters know I will make any excuse to pick orange, but this time it’s sensible.
Prediction 3: We have been spoiled for choice over the past few weeks with big matchups, and this week provides #1 Texas and #5 Georgia. In my lifetime, I have seen Texas choke so many times that this seems to look one way, but both teams are stacked with talent and this should be fun. Both of these teams are playoff contenders and I really don’t like Texas(-5) covering this. In for a penny, in for a pound, close win for the longhorns in the beautiful orange strip.
It’s October 18th and early voting has started! If you went to college, like college football, like the ideas discussed at college, then next week give early voting in Ohio the college try. Franklin county has a great facility on Morse Rd. and you will be in and out in no time. Regardless of what happens in the Big Ten or the SEC this week, the election is your civic duty. Enjoy the games this weekend, and if you’re in Columbus, Blacklick Woods Metropark Golf Course still has tee times to see those fall colors.
Farewell Browns
‘I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!’ That iconic line from the movie ‘Network’ begins to, but does not fully illustrate the current state of my Cleveland Browns support. Exhausted disillusion with a side of hopeless cynicism and the complete lack of a way out in sight is where I am, but I am drawing a line in the sand this time.
I have been a loyal Browns fan for over twenty years, and the cupboard has been bare for that entire time. Since 1999 there have been so many quarterbacks, so many coaches, one great kicker and so many inexplicable new ways I’ve witnessed of how to lose football games. Is it a rebuild if you start the next one before you finish the last one?
Farewell to the Haslams, the first half of my time as a fan was marked by the Browns being drastically outspent by nearly every team in the league with cap space that would only be spent on the Madden video game every year. Jimmy and Dee Haslam invested in the big moves that previous ownership never did, and I thank them for swinging. I also owed them a debt, especially Dee, for not allowing my beloved Columbus Crew to be the second team in my lifetime greedily stolen from Ohio. After what the Watson trade has become, I consider us even.
I hope the Browns get a wonderful new dome stadium that will provide the people of Cleveland entertainment opportunities 12 months a year. When the proposal for the new stadium came out, the usual old school Browns fan pushback inevitably followed. The cold weather is our 12th player, natural grass is the only surface for real football and other tiresome arguments that have led the team to losing every meaningful game on the frozen tundra next to the lake.
Make no mistake, I wish the Browns well, I will always root for them against the Kentucky Bengals and the rest of the division. However, I am not signing on for another 0-16 season, which would now be 0-17. The Browns are now staring down the possibility of that debacle again for the next two seasons. The Jacksonville win a few weeks ago seems like a gift at this point, and this season is a lost cause. Every week that they roll out Watson as the starter is an exercise in insanity.
With Baker Mayfield and Joe Flacco winning games for their new teams, I’ve been getting that Browns feeling I know too well. Like Odell Beckham Jr who fetched a first round pick from us, we ended up cutting him, and he won the Super Bowl that year with the Rams, I can’t do this anymore. Am I supposed to be excited to tank the rest of this season for another quarterback that will need to lead a roster starting at a $70 million dollar cap disadvantage for the next two years? At which point they probably bail on him to draft a new guy, with an over/under of 3 coaches and general managers between now and then. This is a re-run of the Browns, now in syndication on a late night cable network and I can’t do it to myself anymore.
To my two favorite Browns of all time Myles Garrett and Nick Chubb, I thank you for some of the best football I’ve ever seen at those positions. Nick Chubb without injury in Kevin Stephanski’s offense was supposed to be the Cleveland dream and it could have been so sweet. Myles Garrett is the most impactful defensive player I have seen in my lifetime other than Ray Lewis, and for the record I wish he would have torn Mason Rudolph’s head clean off.
As my favorite Bob Dylan so goes, I have been offered, ‘Shelter From the Storm’: Emily just moved to Columbus from Chicago, and I went to a Columbus Bears Backers bar to watch the London game last weekend. The experience of watching a team with hope bludgeon a Jacksonville team that the Browns couldn’t score 20 against was exhilarating. I love football, and I’m not going to stop watching the NFL, so I shed the Browns like I shed another geographical fallacy, Catholicism. I feel as guilt free moving to another midwestern team with a great fan base as my dad probably did when he turned in the Time Warner Cable box and cut the cord.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 7
After adding two wins last week, our season total sits at 8-5 with a week of games to write home about ahead. I’ve been centering my college football chi in order to avoid the election, and my sights are on one game this week. Ohio State travels to Oregon for the regular season game of the year, and I like our odds. It should be a great visual spectacle with the ducks slated to be in an all black uniform and those buckeye stickers always look good under the lights.
Prediction 1: Friend of liveforthepage Zach will suffer multiple diagnosable mental breakdowns during the game. Since I will be watching with him I believe that upon the second false start called against the buckeyes caused by the Oregon crowd will cause him to go Chernobyl in the direction of the television. Let me be clear, although a loss does not put Ohio State out of the playoffs, every college football fan in the country will be watching this game. 2 aneurisms, 1 call for Ryan Day’s job, and more Crown Royal than usual.
Prediction 2: Ohio State will have over 500 yards of total offense. I’m seeing this as a 38-35 kind of matchup and there will be a lot of NFL bodies running around Saturday night, but I think we have more of them. Veteran quarterback Will Howard should be able to handle the pressure of the environment and put the ball where his 5 star receivers can put their hands on it. Ohio State’s duel threat backfield will be key early to lowering the temperature in Autzen Stadium, and showcasing our premier backfield.
Prediction 3: Ohio State proves to be too much in a ‘welcome to the Big Ten’ showcase. I promised you objectivity, and that is why I said 38-35, as there’s nothing more objective from a fan than predicting a push. (OSU -3) Oregon is likely to make the playoff, so the buckeyes could see them again, but this is the pinnacle of regular season college football, 2 vs 3 and where the buckeyes have been before many times. Tell me all you want about how much this roster cost, and then look at the amount of scarlet in the stadium, it just means more to us.
This one should be fun Columbus and outlying world, a couple of pro tips from a local: Order your food early, and extra. If you are reading this and don’t care about the game, take a drive on I-670 or 23N at around 8pm Saturday, just to see them with no traffic. I’m posting this from the campus of THE Ohio State University, across from Ohio Stadium, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands of time, until we…oh look at me, I’m ramblin’ again. O-H!
College Football Idiot Savant Week 6
After a rough week of predictions I had nothing to celebrate but the one-handed catches by the Buckeyes. 6-5 and bleeding losses, at least I still have a perfect Buckeye record to fall back on. The scarlet and grey should win again this week and cover (-18), but Iowa does occasionally cause us problems, so I don’t expect it to be an easy task. However, since they are the best team in the nation, they will be fine this week.
Prediction 1: We check in again on Dabo, who currently has fallen for the first time. Number 15 Clemson faces the empty cupboard that is Florida State, and I believe that they will win comfortably. It pains me greatly to say that, but at least they will be sporting those beautiful orange threads, which will be a theme for the week. Orange is my favorite color, and like any gambler backed into a corner with long odds to come back from, stick with the irrational: Clemson orange wins big.
Prediction 2: The Classic Red River Rivalry should be one of the best games of the day, and I believe it will be a day to shine for Arch Manning once again. I might just have to procure myself a steak by 3:30 eastern for this battle amongst the cattle. Just to ruin it for both of them, I’ll use copious amounts of steak sauce. Texas looks good in a big rivalry game, and regardless of which uniform they go with, they will be the best looking team in the stadium.
Prediction 3: In our culture clash game of the week, number 8 Miami takes on my beloved Cal Berkley. The two couldn’t be more different, like how California pays for every Florida hurricane rebuild, or how Florida is just a risky tax haven with unbearable humidity. I, like Tony Kornheiser, will probably not be awake for the end of this snoozer, but Miami should flex here. Whether they go with green, orange, or white tops, those Miami uniforms will shine under the lights as they win big.
Campus came back to life this week with the recent hurricane rains, and that green bursting of life will also be reflected in my picks this week. If I don’t go 3-0 with a Buckeye sweetener, I’ll eat skyline chili at a future date. This is the week I turn this ship around, and try not to annoy Emily with the amount of games on. If it hasn’t been made clear by previous Columbus Crew posts, I really don’t wanna eat that skyline chili, so I need to be the oracle of Delphos this week.
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