I regret to inform that I will have limited college football access this weekend, due to me pursuing the most college of pursuits: Weezer at Nationwide. That’s right I’ll be pregaming all day with a smooth pilsner with a natural finish, natty light, and an old friend from when I used to drink it all the time. He refuses to be on the podcast, despite its lack of popularity, but shares my love of ‘The Big Lebowski’ so he gets a pass. This week, I’m doing predictions, so I can make fun of myself next week.

The first prediction: College Gameday on ESPN will be nearly unwatchable. I grew up watching the show, and the memories of the mascot head choice by Lee Corso to signify his pick still tugs at my heart. A local radio guy in Columbus was kicked off the air for saying how bad Desmond Howard was, and it hasn’t gotten better. It is an unwatchable mess with Pat McAfee and Kirk Herbstreit vying for the dunce cap with each successive episode. Disney corporation: you have more money than god, pay some talent.

Second prediction: Texas wins big over Michigan. I saw a kid on campus this week wearing a Texas orange sweatshirt walking to class and I told him to kick Michigan’s ass this week, he smiled, so I assume they will. I also assume that since he was wearing a sweatshirt when the Columbus temperature was over 80 degrees, he might be from Texas, not used to the cold, and would know. I get my info from the best sources, some people are saying you should bet your nickel on Michigan getting Longhorned.

Third prediction: Nebraska wins in Lincoln. I want Nebraska to be successful, they are as college football focused as it gets. If Columbus were a less cultured city, with a great college football tradition, it might be Lincoln, Nebraska. I’m doubling down on coach Prime running his mouth too much, the word today is corn, as in cornhusker. I’m not going to say it’s a rout, but this is truly a battle of flash vs. will, and I can’t wait to watch the highlights.

This isn’t a prediction necessarily, but Western Michigan doesn’t have a chance. Admittedly the grass isn’t growing on most of campus, but there is no such thing as grass being greener on a side other than the Ohio State University. I respect my MAC brethren, but I think 60 points is in the cards. After all, according to The Black Keys, they went, ‘from San Berdoo to Kalamazoo just to get away from you.’ Must be a dead place to escape to, enjoy your time in Columbus.