College Football Idiot Savant Week 5
I had a bit of a rough week with picks in week 4 with USC and Michigan letting me down. However, as a life long Browns fan, we continue. Currently 5-3 for the year and looking for a turnabout, 5-3 may look bad but considering how the Browns are looking like coming nowhere near that record after 8 attempts, I soldier on. Let me be clear, when I say soldier on, I mean like, professional armies, not like the civilians that Benjamin Netanyahu keeps slaughtering.
Prediction 1: UNLV rises above scandal to defeat Fresno State. Without doing a deep dive into the NIL scandal with UNLV that has caused their starting quarterback to enter the transfer portal mid-season, I see no way that this is on the kid. He allegedly got a verbal commitment for a $100,000 NIL deal from one of the assistant coaches, that was never put in writing, and subsequently not paid. How did UNLV pay for all those basketball players on the 1990 National Championship team and not come up with a paltry 100k for their starting division 1 quarterback? I really feel for the player, and especially his teammates, but football is next-man-up, and that 2nd team guy has been taking reps all year too. UNLV circles the wagons and wins close against Fresno.
Prediction 2: It must be week 5 in college football because we have an SEC matchup sure to rile up pitch forks and torches throughout the south. Georgia and Alabama, a top 5 matchup for the ages? I think unlikely, for two equally substantive reasons. One, Nick Saban is no longer the coach of Alabama, and thus people can no longer run 85 yards through the heart of the south on him. Two, I shined up my Nick Chubb commemorative glass for some college beers tomorrow, ’bout them Dawgs, Georgia comfortably.
Prediction 3: Oklahoma State faces off with Kansas State in a tight matchup, Kansas state as 5 point favorites. Let me break this down for you, Rickie Fowler is not the greatest player on the PGA Tour by a long shot, but that guy is such a fan favorite that anyone could root for. He wears his alma mater orange proudly every Sunday event he’s in, and there is a 100% chance that orange will be on the field this weekend. O-K-State-you’re-so-fine-you-blow-my-mind, hey Rickie! Underdogs make life fun, by 1.
I have to admit I’m setting myself up to go 0-3 this week, but I’m having fun with it, and if you wanted expert analysis go to Kirk Herbstreit. Just kidding, he’s been spewing college football 101 for so long he thinks it’s insightful. I hate to disparage a Buckeye, but I will since he sent his kids out of state to Clemson, which is an excellent segue to check in on Dabo. Currently, he has only fallen for the first time. Let’s hope Palo Alto has something to say about him falling again.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 4
I have to admit, it is kinda cool to work where Fox’s ‘Big Noon’ kickoff show is this week. $500 prize for best sign in the crowd apparently, I hope there are a few that give Kirk Herbstreit the business. We start this week 4-1 after Washington State held strong on a goal to go stand to beat rival Washington. I feel good about the first few predictions, so we will stick to that. The bible thumpers were on campus in force this week, but nothing can save Florida State’s soul, so let’s talk about them first.
Prediction 1: This is my game of the week, another culture clash between Cal Berkley and Florida State. I think it would be great if we could get Gavin Newsome and Ron Desantis on college game day this week, the not so friendly banter is exactly what we need this election season. When one of the California academic pillars faces off against what is supposedly Florida’s best football school and its less than a 3 point spread: Root for 0-4! Pile it on scholars! Make me forget Aaron Rodgers went there.
Prediction 2: Texas gets to try out its new Manning toy this week again against University of Luisiana Monroe, Luisiana’s safety school. I saw a rumor that Matthew McConaughey bet $30,000 on Texas covering, and since this rumor is harmless, unlike the one about Springfield, OH, I’m assuming it’s true. This leads me to think about my favorite role he had in his career, because this game certainly isn’t going to hold my attention. Rusty Cohle from ‘True Detective’, no question Texas covers.
Prediction 3: Big Ten early showdown between USC and Michigan. Normally, if these two titans met in week 4 we would be talking about a Rose Bowl preview, but with the college football arms race they are now in conference together. I know I wrote earlier this year that I would keep the Ohio State homerism in check, and I am, but that makes this no less enjoyable. USC gets a, ‘Big win at the big house’ just like the Toledo t-shirts said when I was Junior and we curb stomped UM. Trojans send fans to the exits early.
‘The Taco People’ at my local Taco Bell on Henderson say 56-16 buckeyes this week on their sign. I say that because it’s taking all my effort to work up to caring about this game. Yet another tune up game to check out the full roster of the scarlet and grey, anything less would be a letdown. I don’t know how Marshall gets to 16, but I agree that the Buckeyes cover -39.5. To the Marshall players: enjoy your time in Columbus, nobody checks for recreational purchases at the West Virginia border.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 3
In the wake of a totally nondescript presidential debate this week, we look to the college football weekend once again. As one should, I briefly reflect on the past weeks’ predictions at 2-0. I will also be tracking successful Buckeye win predictions, also 2-0, and as a spoiler alert I’ll be predicting them to win all of their games. I am not one of these ‘looking for attention’ personalities online who will tell you with a straight face that Oregon is going to win the conference, they’re a bunch of quacks.
The first prediction: Washington proves big ten superiority with victory over in-state rival Washington St. I’m not saying by a large margin, but the victory is almost certain. I know Washington has a lot of apples, and as a chronically single guy for most of my life I know about the apple picking date, marvelous. Washington has made the playoff, and Washington State is still in the middle of nowhere, how do you like them apples? Washington gets the girl this week.
Second prediction: Texas A&M wins comfortably in the swamp. Growing up as a college football fanatic, I used to fear, ‘The Swamp’ at The University of Florida. The Swamp lettering on the wall next to the way too overfilled fan section as if to show just how much humanity was in the building. That is all gone now, they haven’t been relevant for years, and Texas A&M gave Notre Dame a run for their money before some of my MAC brethren showed them the door. Florida fans file in fourth quarter fallacy.
Third prediction: Indiana takes down UCLA in first ever clash of cultures. Let’s face it, neither of these schools are known for their football. They both boast of their academic pursuits, UCLA being on the world stage…Indiana, in comparison to Purdue, but we forget about the football. Indiana has a Canadian kid starting at quarterback with a 73% completion percentage, if the people of the corn can accept him, so can I. Hoosier daddy left-coast?
The Buckeyes of course will remain undefeated with a bye this week, although a segment of hardcore Buckeye fans will still be calling for Ryan Day’s job. We are a little too lucky to live in Columbus, if the Buckeyes have a down year, you still have something to do with your weekend. Imagine being a Florida State fan right now and pinch yourself, just a bit of self-reflection for a resting week. Enjoy the off week in the city, consider tuning in for the Crew tomorrow versus, ‘that team down south’ FC Cincinnati.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 2
I regret to inform that I will have limited college football access this weekend, due to me pursuing the most college of pursuits: Weezer at Nationwide. That’s right I’ll be pregaming all day with a smooth pilsner with a natural finish, natty light, and an old friend from when I used to drink it all the time. He refuses to be on the podcast, despite its lack of popularity, but shares my love of ‘The Big Lebowski’ so he gets a pass. This week, I’m doing predictions, so I can make fun of myself next week.
The first prediction: College Gameday on ESPN will be nearly unwatchable. I grew up watching the show, and the memories of the mascot head choice by Lee Corso to signify his pick still tugs at my heart. A local radio guy in Columbus was kicked off the air for saying how bad Desmond Howard was, and it hasn’t gotten better. It is an unwatchable mess with Pat McAfee and Kirk Herbstreit vying for the dunce cap with each successive episode. Disney corporation: you have more money than god, pay some talent.
Second prediction: Texas wins big over Michigan. I saw a kid on campus this week wearing a Texas orange sweatshirt walking to class and I told him to kick Michigan’s ass this week, he smiled, so I assume they will. I also assume that since he was wearing a sweatshirt when the Columbus temperature was over 80 degrees, he might be from Texas, not used to the cold, and would know. I get my info from the best sources, some people are saying you should bet your nickel on Michigan getting Longhorned.
Third prediction: Nebraska wins in Lincoln. I want Nebraska to be successful, they are as college football focused as it gets. If Columbus were a less cultured city, with a great college football tradition, it might be Lincoln, Nebraska. I’m doubling down on coach Prime running his mouth too much, the word today is corn, as in cornhusker. I’m not going to say it’s a rout, but this is truly a battle of flash vs. will, and I can’t wait to watch the highlights.
This isn’t a prediction necessarily, but Western Michigan doesn’t have a chance. Admittedly the grass isn’t growing on most of campus, but there is no such thing as grass being greener on a side other than the Ohio State University. I respect my MAC brethren, but I think 60 points is in the cards. After all, according to The Black Keys, they went, ‘from San Berdoo to Kalamazoo just to get away from you.’ Must be a dead place to escape to, enjoy your time in Columbus.
College Football Idiot Savant Week 1
After prepping a bit of the outside of the horseshoe grounds myself this week, the real start of college football was in the air. Akron was dispatched without worry, although maybe not as quickly or decisively as it should have been. It was great to see guys making plays that will be represented by stickers on their helmet next week as it always is, and the Buckeyes checked a box on the long road to the playoff. This team is loaded, and I would put them against anyone.
Georgia played juggernaut again, and it couldn’t have been at the hands of a more deserving loser. Because of the fact that my uncle Dan thought it was so funny, I compared Clemson’s losses last year, and their ultra religious unlovable coach Dabo Swinney to the stations of the cross. Another year, and week one: Dabo falls for the first time. I will be circling back throughout the year to recount Clemson’s woes, as they are imposters on the college football landscape, like anyone from the ACC.
I might like to also start a weekly primetime segment, one that will be a report on the Colorado Buffalos. If Oasis hadn’t reunited this week, ‘Coach Prime’ and the boys might have been the most overhyped thing in it. Where these overhyped things diverge is that Oasis is of substance, and Colorado football is a flash in the pan operation without depth. J.D. Vance might have tried to tell you the correct phrase of Appalachia is, ‘fart in a skillet’ in either respect, sell Colorado.
As footnotes go, U of Toledo waxed Duquesne 49-10 for a nice start to the non conference schedule, and they still have the best fight song in the nation. They may not be in the playoff race, but they will certainly smoke that inferior institution down I-75 in Bowling Green this year by 20. My falcon brother Jay stopped betting on the game with me a while back, and that was one of his best financial decisions. Also a shoutout to the band, made me think of my days living ‘behind Engineering’ back in the day.
I didn’t forget about the golden domes, they are still ranked higher than they naturally should be, as it has been for my entire life. We can chalk up this loss by A & M as a Johnny Manziel party gone wrong, and as per usual don’t expect much from the state of Texas. Notre Dame survives to be future playoff cannon fodder of division one teams in real conferences. It’s been a fun week one, and I hope you continue to join me throughout the season.
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