‘Justin, I’m still not sure about that Jerry Rice.’ I wouldn’t want anyones’ existence boiled down to a sentence who meant so much to so many, but to me it was always perfect. My grandmother Marie Hirn was someone to everyone she ever interacted with because she was kindness embodied. My only regret with her was I never gave her any of those great-grandchildren that she thought about and I never wanted, but for that I’m passing the blame to Ryan, Jay, and Cortney in that order.

I was starting third grade and my mother was no longer going to be teaching at the school I attended, so that meant I would be doing the coming and going with my grandma that year. When you’re that age you don’t know why exactly the things are happening around you, but you’re damn sure glad that third grade didn’t mean another nun. Beyond that great realization another one soon formed: that I had the best grandma on the planet that year, save maybe Happy Gilmore.

Marie worked in the cafeteria and we would commute together. She had to be there way earlier than I did, so she would try to pacify me with Doug’s gameboy until it was time to go upstairs. It might have been then that I got my caffeine addiction started, because when the others had coffee, I had diet Dr. Pepper. I’ll never stop appreciating it in retrospect, because not everyone gets to grow up, as I later came to think: ‘A 4-Iron from your grandma.’

During that time it was really the after school part that was most appealing, I would walk or ride back and she introduced me to Hershey’s strawberry milk. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it or had it since, but it was amazing back then. She also had twizlers waiting for me most days, and I lived like a king in that transition. Before my parents picked me up there were a lot of days she spent watching NFL Films she could not care less about, but was always putting the remote in my hand.

I developed my love of my favorite athlete of all time, Tiger Woods during that period, as he played as an amateur. Let’s be honest though, the thing that made Marie an angel was that she would play Tecmo Bowl with me on the original Nintendo. I was a third-grade-asshole: I ran up the score, I tried to teach her, but no matter what Jerry Rice won the day. Looking back on what she left behind, all the wonderful kids that I still enjoy spending time with, Jerry Rice would be glad to know Marie.

I’m going to start this thing where it begins, I can’t thank my parents enough for making me a Buckeye. Unmistakable, from consciousness, (red). Let me get this soccer bit out of the way about how I came to be a Manchester United fan (red), and why Xichigan (blue), or Manchester City (blue) makes perfect sense: solidarity for the right thing. We, as a family, are Buckeyes and let me tell you the story.

One love of Ohio State for me started in 1983 when my parents were married on the day of, ‘The Game.’ I don’t think a score mattered in their mind that day. However, it did to the friends with radios in the congregation. I am assuming that was the only day the church was available, because who could put themselves above, ‘The Game.’ Let alone god? (Who would be a Buckeye) Those wonderful people were Ed and Donna.

Those wonderful people helped put me through college at an Ohio state school, The University of Toledo, who had the pleasure of skewering that team up north while I was a Junior. 13-10 Toledo Rockets at the big house in Ann Arbor, I can’t emphasize this enough: Fuck Xichigan! I took the navy blue paint I got to polish up our basement bar and painted the score above my Xichigan fan roommates door. Fuck Xichigan!

Not only will this year feature top 3 ranking for both teams yet again, but you get to see Marvin Harrison Jr. play football. I don’t really care about the Heisman trophy, as a lifelong Cleveland Browns fan I know that Brady Quinn was once up for the award, and that greatly diminishes it for me. However, if the award means the best player in college football and Maserati Marvin doesn’t win it, give Reggie Bush back his and I never want to hear about the award again.

I lost my grandmother this week and I’m not watching the game with my best friend because we are celebrating my parents 40th on the day of the game, so this one will mean more to me and I’ll never forget it. Grandma Marie is responsible for mothering 4 Ohio State alumni and this year is for her. I don’t have a score, but my prediction is this Buckeye cohort smears the cheating maze and blue all over the field on Saturday. O-H-I-O.

Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of paltry wealth and impeccable taste. Like that maligned lyric from, ‘Sympathy for the Devil’ by The Rolling Stones I am selling something old, which doesn’t necessarily mean bad, despite Gen Z appeals to the contrary. Joe Biden is practically the antithesis of sexy as a candidate right now, but in this country you don’t always end up with a Barack Obama on the ballot and you have to still make a responsible choice to participate in Democracy.

Stop me dead in my tracks when this changes over the next year, but right now we are on our way to having the same choices as last time in 2020 for president. It might seem unimaginable, last time we were voting by mail and fearing everyone in sight in the early waves of Covid 19, the handling of which was an embarrassment. While I give credit to Donald Trump for operation warp speed to create a vaccine, he won’t take credit for it, vaccines are too science based for him to grift on.

Let’s go back further for a moment, in 2016 I felt gross casting a vote for Hilary Clinton. I voted for Bernie in the primary and they were not even on the same planet in terms of their platforms despite both running as democrats, but I digress. The point is when you have a choice between two bad choices, I still implore you to make one this time, because the choice to vote may not be available to you again after another four years of Donald Trump.

In the blood red state of Ohio since August, we have turned out electorally to block a vote to require a 60% majority for amendments to the state constitution, and then to codify abortion access and legalize recreational marijuana. Clearly it’s not that we can’t be a rabid voting base if we want to be, and we need to put Ohio back in play, but what is obvious is that democrats represent the will and opinion of the majority and we need to put that in ink a year from now as a people.

I know that I’m getting old because I’ve now seen two massive movements on the right wing that are essentially branding exercises, how typically corporate. Like the tea party before it, and just as embarrassing and progress defying, the make America great again movement has become dangerous at this point. We are looking at a man in Donald Trump who is running in a democracy to institute a dictatorship, and his supporters couldn’t be happier.

I compel you, I beg you, please turn out next year for the election. It is not hyperbole to say democracy is on the ballot, and when one of the two available candidates is very intentionally evoking the term, ‘vermin’ to speak about his opposition and proposing deportation camps the choice is clear. The road to fascism is paved with millions of eligible voters staying home instead of voting against it. We have the right to determine our destiny by voting, and I’ll take Bazooka Joe over a fascist soon to be convicted felon and you should feel the same way for your own sake.