Let me start where it begins with the, ‘Stop Wrongs to Our Kids and Employees Act.’ Signed into Florida law April 22, 2022 by the dishonorable governor Ron DeSantis. This is one of the most horrific pieces of Florida legislation in competition with House Bill 839, which bans local governments in Florida from requiring gas stations to add electric car charging stations. Ronnie, I’m not asking you to be progressive, but you are more and more making me wish for climate change to put your state more under water than it already is. Every time the blue states bail you out from a hurricane you seem to have some pretty white boots though.

This week it’s news that publishers of Florida public school textbooks are having their social studies textbooks scrutinized now. As a history major this is extremely troubling to me considering the lengths that these textbook makers are taking to comply with your obscene law. It was reported that a publisher so diluted the story of Rosa Parks and the struggle for civil rights in response to the law to this text: ‘Rosa Parks showed courage. One day, she rode the bus. She was told to move to a different seat. She did not. She did what she believed was right.’

No, I know what you’re thinking, that was a real attempt at complying with Florida’s law to avoid hurting little white kids’ feelings. Should they ever be so bold as to read a real source on the smartphone they possess, imagine their discomfort! Maybe Ronnie Dangerous should have it on the agenda to ban smartphones with internet access from aspiring learners who don’t want to be in the dark until they complete their K-12. Keep in mind, by then, they would probably be irreparably stupid, pregnant, and trying to get on the public assistance you don’t want to provide.

Just for fun, to lighten the mood. Let’s dilute some more history for Florida’s youth. On 8–9 November 1923 in Munich, Germany a young Adolf Hitler during an incident called the, ‘Beer Hall Putsch’ the Nazi leader led an attempted coup, (edit: visit to a government building) and improved his public speaking skills and satisfied his followers with a nice speech. Then from 1939 to 1945 German football clubs had frequent hooligan fights with other clubs of Europe, Paris Saint Germain hooligans didn’t put up much of a fight, but the English Premier League held their own. Eventually, even though the United States didn’t have a league at the time, they allied with FC Lokomotiv Moscow hooligans to calm the Germans down. Adolf Hitler died from a Tylenol overdose.

Maybe you can see how ridiculous that is, but it’s not that different from the previous differentiation from reality. I have had next to no desire to go back to Florida, but I have none now, not even TPC Sawgrass. Taking Disney’s self governance away so you can pay for it? Black Little Mermaid was that traumatizing? It used to be Florida for the no state tax, and I got it, you cheap assholes that don’t want to contribute to society. Now that it means announcing yourself as a racist, ignorant, white supremacist haven, how much do you like Ronnie Dangerous now?